Their Frail Deeds
by Cassie Jamie
Summary: With a devestating diagnosis, the crew of seaQuest finds themselves helpless in a fight they can't control. ELF.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is just that - fiction. It has no bearing on the television show (now defunct) nor the actors whom gave life to the characters. I make no profit from this, only the enjoyment of writing it.

Warnings: This story includes discussions of child abuse - physical, emotional, mental - as well as cancer & cancer treatments. If any of that is a disturbing topic to you, please do not read this fic. Thank you.

* * *

"_Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality._

_All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration._"

- Niccolo Machiavelli -

Nathan stared at the bed, one hand clenched while he ran the other over his face. He was glad Lucas was asleep; the boy's pain had finally abated with medical help and he couldn't figure out what they were to do.

For three months, Lucas had complained of headaches, abnormal bruising, swelling in his leg, and various other maladies that Kristin had dismissed as the flu or general ill care of himself. Then Lucas had collapsed on seadeck early that morning. It had been four hours before he'd been found by a scientist just coming on duty.

"I should have listened to him when he said it wasn't the flu," Kristin murmured, shaking her head. For the first time since she put on a lab coat, Kristin could feel the heaviness of the fabric and the pull of it on her clothes. It lacked the quality of a second skin that it'd always had before and she hated it.

"It's not your fault," Nathan responded in a whisper. He relaxed his hand and settled it on her shoulder.

Her own came up to touch his fingers. "Yes, but I should have done more. I just assumed his CBC was off due to a bacterium, not cancer." She closed her eyes and sighed, "I don't know how I'm going to tell him this. He's just a boy."

"Which is something I need to talk to you about," he said, gesturing back toward her office. He started walking. knowing Kristin would follow.

"Nathan..." She let the unasked question hang there, waiting, anxious and worried. Kristin knew Nathan had been charged with contacting the Wolenczaks to get permission to begin treatment. They couldn't possibly have said no.

"We have a problem. I couldn't get in touch with either Cynthia or Lawrence and I don't think they'll be calling back anytime soon." Nathan's agitation was obvious – Lucas was a minor and couldn't okay any treatment for himself, even if it would save his life; they needed parental consent.

Kristin immediately became angry. "So because they can't be bothered with their son, they're essentially denying him the chemotherapy he needs." She crossed her arms and glared at Nathan, as if he could change it. "What do you plan to do about this?" she asked.

Nathan pondered his options silently for a minute and when he could come up with nothing, shook his head. "I don't know yet," he admitted, because he really didn't. If they were to go ahead with the chemo and there was a complication, they could all find themselves with jail time because there wasn't any parental involvement. If they waited too long, the chemo would be useless.

For a long time they both stared at each other, similar thoughts running through their heads. Neither one of them noticed Lucas approach the room, didn't see him look confusingly between them until he asked, "I'm dying, aren't I?"

Nathan recovered from the surprise of his approach faster than Kristin and immediately opened his mouth to negate it. He stopped before he could tell Lucas that he absolutely wasn't dying, because Lucas was and it wouldn't help matters to lie. He thought how best to break it to the boy and settled on his usual method of playing father to Lucas. "You were right, kiddo, it wasn't the flu. Kristin and several other doctors have talked and they all believe that you've got cancer."

He hadn't been prepared for Lucas to lose all color in his face and tip forward.

"Easy, easy." Nathan gently helped Lucas into a chair while Kristin hurriedly rose and began to check him over. Lucas squawked at her actions, but Nathan knew it was all for show, as if pretending that everything was fine would make it so.

The blue eyes were pained and Nathan could see it, the depth of horror in them, and he reached out to settle one hand on Lucas' shoulder, "It's going to be alright, Lucas."

"Right. Because you managed to get through to one of my parents and somehow got them to give permission to have radiation or chemo or whatever. Everything is going to be just perfect," he spat back, anger and sadness mixed in his voice. Nathan simply glanced at Kristin with a look of bitterness.

Lucas' medical file had been wiped clean prior to his arrival on seaQuest, something Kristin had fought to locate. Nathan had needed to get involved before it was given to them and it was filled with notations – broken bones, illnesses, and procedures. The most minimal of data had been sent to them and that alone had been three folders worth. When questioned, Lucas had merely told them he'd been a clumsy kid.

Nathan and Kristin were sure it was something else. However, lacking any admission of abuse, they could do nothing about it. Lucas had to say something, but Nathan knew he wouldn't. Lucas didn't understand that it would only require some red tape and he could be declared a dependent of another or even emancipated.

Lucas shrugged Nathan's hand off his shoulder. He was trembling and damn it, he should be stronger than this, but he couldn't stop and he looked up at the Captain. His eyes were wide and sparkled with tears, "I don't want to die."

"We'll figure something out. I promise we'll figure something out," Nathan told him, sitting down next to Lucas. He reached out again, taking Lucas' hand in his and quietly asked Kristin to leave.

She hesitated, but the look in Nathan's eyes spoke volumes and she knew what he was going to do, what he was going to ask. Kristin touched Lucas' arm, reassuring him that they would find a way to get him well, and then walked out into the medbay.

"I have to ask you something, Lucas, and I don't want any of your standard responses, okay?" Nathan began, thinking of the anger that would most likely be thrown at him in the next five minutes. He knew Lucas would try to get away with one of his normal responses of being fine or nothing was wrong.

Lucas nodded, "Yes, sir."

"The level and frequency of the injuries in your file make Kristin and I think that maybe there was some other factor than you being accident prone." He paused, hoping that Lucas wasn't going to immediately contradict what Nathan had said. When Lucas didn't, he continued. "Lucas, did your father or your mother hurt you?"

The bluntness of the question was not what Lucas had been expecting. He recoiled as if Nathan's words had burned him and he started to get to his feet. "No. They never... I mean... I wasn't _abused_." The last word fell off his tongue, bitter and panicked.

"Lucas..."

"How could you ask me that? So what if I jumped out of a car or broke my leg six times and why the hell did you read that stupid file?" Lucas was just about screaming by the end, backing toward the door.

"I read it because we had to supply your birth date for one of those conferences and the group running the background checks found a discrepancy," Nathan told him as he moved to block the boy from leaving. "I know you're not sixteen, Lucas. Which means as of right now I could convince a court that your father failed to act in your best interests when he got you placed on seaQuest."

Lucas stared at him. "He never hit me if I didn't deserve it."

"_Act as if what you do makes a difference._

_It does._"

- William James -

It took three days for Nathan to finally get through to Lawrence, having had to resort to a myriad of threats. He was not thrilled by Lawrence's reluctance to give permission for Lucas' treatment. But once he had it, Nathan didn't wait to pass on the good news to Kristin.

Then he called Admiral Noyce's office, glaring until Bill's idiot of an assistant patched him through. "Nathan, I'm a little busy."

"I have to talk to you. Now." Nathan leaned forward onto the wardroom table, making it clear that he wasn't going to hang up until he'd gotten to speak his piece.

Bill sighed and told whoever was in the room with him they'd finish up later. Once the door had closed, he looked back at Nathan, obviously preparing to reprimand his friend. His mouth snapped shut when he noticed the look on Nathan's face. "What is it?"

"I need some information about Lawrence Wolenczak."

Looking at him, Bill's face contorted as if trying to work out why Nathan was asking for such a thing. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting it. Truth be told, Bill had known Lawrence was not Nathan's favorite person in the world. Nathan defended the man as much as he was required to by the rigors of his job, but Bill had always been aware that personally, Nathan thought he was a bad parent. Still, there was currently no reason to fulfill the request and he told Nathan as much.

"No reason? Bill, Lucas all but admitted Wolenczak has abused him! And considering the fact that it took three days to get through to him when he'd been left messages repeatedly that Lucas has cancer..." Nathan stopped his tirade, forcing himself to calm down and settled his hands back on the table. He'd been gesturing angrily at the man in a vain attempt to convey his frustration.

"Lucas has cancer," Bill's eyes widened.

Nathan nodded. He knew Bill wouldn't have known about Lucas' diagnosis; Bill didn't need to sign off on any medical requisitions and even if he had, the only thing in the form notes is what the medication or supplies were to be used for.

"Kristin ran the blood work four times to be sure and had seven doctors look over the x-rays." He slid into a chair. "He has Ewing's Sarcoma. He has tumors in his pelvis and left femur and there's a distinct possibility that it's metastasized elsewhere."

"Good god," Bill muttered. He was shocked, to say the least. "It took three days to talk to Wolenczak?"

"Three and a half if you consider I started trying to get through to him when we found Lucas had collapsed. I don't know, Bill, but there's been something that's made me uneasy about Lucas' entire situation since we met. Hell, the kid is only fifteen years old. That Wolenczak was willing to lie about Lucas' age to get him on seaQuest in the first place is abhorrent."

Finally convinced, Bill nodded. "I'll see what I can get for you. Tell Lucas..." He trailed off and Nathan nodded.

"I'll tell him. Thanks, Bill."

The transmission ended and Nathan was plunged into silence.

"_Time, which changes people, does not_

_alter the image we have retained of them._"

- Marcel Proust -

"So..." Lucas threw down a card. He was hooked up to not one but two IV drips – one for liquids and one for the Chemo. Exhaustion had become the norm for Lucas and he had taken to dressing in comfortable pajamas so he could fall asleep without changing clothes.

It had taken Bill almost a week to dig up all the information he could find about Lucas' father and another three days for Nathan to sort through it all. There had been sufficient evidence in the data to show neglect, something Nathan immediately showed Lucas.

Lucas, however, wasn't having it. He didn't want to press charges and begged Nathan not to do it in his stead. He'd told Nathan what would happen if they failed and Nathan couldn't bear the thought of Lucas being beaten again. Not when he was so sick.

"So what?" Nathan asked.

Lucas eyed him for a minute, and then asked, "Are you going to make me go to World Power?"

Nathan sighed, sitting up straighter and watching Lucas. Of course the boy would want to know if he was going to be forced back into his father's hands. Lawrence wasn't stupid and was quite aware of what Nathan had; he'd called and threatened to remove Lucas from the boat. It was through sheer luck that Nathan had been able to keep Lucas on seaQuest but Lawrence wanted to see his son.

"I don't know, kiddo. If we keep you here without cause, then he could take you off seaQuest all together and send you back upworld. At least if you go to World Power for a few days, Kristin can go to ensure you get your treatments and we'll be close by," Nathan told him, anxious still by the thought of sending Lucas back to the man that was clearly abusing him. "What do you want?"

"Well, considering that there's nothing you can do to keep him from taking me off seaQuest and you'd get into a lot of trouble if you tried, I guess I have to go." Lucas looked about ready to break into tears, something he absolutely did not want to do. Kristin had assured him that the sudden emotional changes and mood swings were all related to the medications he was on, yet it brought him no comfort for one reason and one reason alone.

Lawrence Wolenczak had taught him from a young age that boys did not cry. Crying in the man's presence always ended with something broken and usually that something was Lucas' arm. If he were to break down on World Power without Kristin there to be a buffer between him and Lawrence...

"Lucas," Nathan reached out to settle a hand on one of Lucas', being careful to not jar the IV needle there. "Did your mother ever hurt you like your father?"

Shrugging, Lucas nodded. He seemed to lose his words for a moment, before picking them back up and telling Nathan a myriad of things starting with his mother's favorite form of abuse. Cynthia Wolenczak-nee-Holt had a love for seeing how long her son could go without food, what lengths he would go to get something to eat, and sometimes how he'd recover from a beating without nutrition. He was a science experiment to her.

She'd been a socialite when she'd married Lawrence, but that hadn't meant she was without schooling. With a background in biology and psychology, Cynthia had found her child to be a source of entertainment, a thing to be studied.

"She didn't hurt me like dad did, Captain," Lucas finished with a shrug. "She was worse."

They finished their poker game in near silence, digesting what had just been said. Nathan needed the time to figure out what he was going to do because Lucas couldn't stay on the seaQuest forever, not unless he got the UEO and the court system involved. Lucas was trying to figure out how to run interference. He knew Bridger would want to help him –_save_ him – from his parents, but all Lucas' father had to do was give a word and Nathan could be thrown off the boat, court-martialed or whatever. Still, Bill Noyce was the Secretary General of the UEO. He wouldn't allow the Captain to be removed, would he?

No, Lucas had to protect what little he had going for him.

He quietly said goodbye when Kristin chased Nathan from the room, demanding he leave Lucas to rest. "I guess we're both going to the power plant then?" Kristin asked after she'd fiddled with his drip.

"It's the best option," he muttered.

Kristin wished she could say something, but she knew she'd only try to make Lucas press charges. Instead, she looked over the IV for the second time and hummed to herself, asking if he was feeling any of the side effects normally associated with the chemo aside from the ever-present fatigue.

"A little nauseous," Lucas immediately replied. "And I think my hair is starting to fall out," He added reluctantly.

"I'll get you some Compazine." She briefly disappeared into the medbay and returned with the promised medication, dispensing it into the IV port and placing the needle in the sharps container. Kristin gave a small smile, trying to reassure Lucas and not really succeeding. "As for your hair, remember that sometimes the chemo just thins it. You might not lose it all."

Lucas shrugged. He was not in the mood to talk about his current state of health. He knew Kristin was just doing her job and needed to ask the questions she was, but he still wished she'd go away. It took a few more minutes of protective hovering before she did so and he was finally, blessedly alone.

It was a state he'd often found himself in. Solitude was not a stranger to Lucas Wolenczak and he wished it had the same warm feeling it once did, except his living on seaQuest had changed that. Lucas had grown used to having someone around, be they on his computer or a crewmember, and faced with going back to silence only made Lucas upset.

He wasn't happy when there was no one around and he wasn't happy when they were.

If everyone could only stop asking him questions, Lucas was sure he'd be fine. He could do anything when everyone just ignored the life he'd had before seaQuest; technically speaking, they'd ignored the signs of abuse before and praised him for his work, his genius. They'd loved him, Lucas knew.

The sudden burst of anger at the prying and questioning and general interference in his life made his hands clench and his mouth tight. If there'd been anything around to throw besides his IV poles, Lucas was sure it would have gone crashing across the room.

"_Every decision creates ripples – like a heavy boulder_

_dropped into a lake. The ripples merge, rebound off_

_the banks in unforeseeable ways. The heavier the decision,_

_the larger the waves, the more uncertain the consequences_."

- Ben Aaronovitch, Remembrance of the Daleks -

Nathan returned to medbay a few hours after being forced out, an assortment of things in his hands – Lucas' laptop, discman, and hyper-reality gloves. A mesh bag hanging off his arm contained games, music, movies, and a few other things Lucas would consider necessities. Basically, Bridger had walked in with a huge peace offering.

"What did you do?" Kristin immediately asked, knowing he had to have done something spectacularly foolish.

"Nothing. Why?" He tried to negotiate moving around one of the lab desks without dropping his load.

"Because you have almost half of Lucas' possessions and I don't think you did it for him, since you were the one to say he should focus on resting, not work. So I have to deduce it was something you did." Her arms crossed, Kristin wasn't budging from the front of Lucas' door. She wanted an explanation and she wasn't going to move until she had one.

Nathan sighed, "I may have called Bill again."

"And?"

"And he already had Cynthia Holt's file. He read it all before we talked and we decided that there is no way Lucas is going back to those people. Bill won't allow it and neither will I," he told her. The hyper-reality gloves started to slip down his arms and Nathan was forced to put them on one of the empty lab benches. He hemmed and hawed for a minute, trying to figure out the best way to break the news. Nathan settled on the truth. "I told Bill to start the paperwork charging them both with abuse and neglect. Lucas' medical file and the sheer number of times neighbors called the police to their house during his childhood, I know we can get a trial."

"I feel a 'but' coming on." She knew that despite the need in her to feel relief, Nathan hadn't told her the worst part of it yet.

"But in order to possibly get convictions, Lucas will have to testify. No vids. In person, in Hawaii, which means we'd also have to transport Lawrence to the trial."

"Oh good, so not only do we have to convince him to get torn to shreds by a legal team made up of the best lawyers money can buy but tell him that his monster of a father has to come on board seaQuest, his home, to go to the trial. Wonderful." She twisted a hand in her hair.

Nathan nodded and sighed. "Unfortunately. Bill is going to see if he can find another ship to do it, but the UEO wants World Power working and we're the fastest boat in the water. They're going to leave him there until the last possible minute, then we'll have to go at top speed to get there in time."

Kristin forced herself to not shout at him, knowing it wasn't Nathan's fault that the UEO was filled with bureaucrats and politicians. They continued to stand there for several minutes until Nathan moved to pick up the computer and other paraphernalia "We can't tell him yet," Kristin said finally.

He froze. "Kristin..."

"I know we have to, but not just yet. If we tell him now, before he finishes the first round of the chemo, he could become depressed, Nathan. It's hard enough keeping a cancer patient alive, but one who may want to kill themselves? If we can at least wait another week, week and a half, he'll be done with this round and the surgery and we can sit down with him," Kristin explained. "He's got to have positive things around him."

"He's going to be furious when we do tell him," Nathan pointed out. Lucas hated not knowing when something was going on that related to him; he didn't like when people had any amount of power over him. He could stand it from Bridger and Westphalen, sometimes Ben, but no one else had found their way through his defenses yet.

"He'll deal. I imagine he'll be more upset about the fact that he'll have to share the boat with Lawrence more than the fact that we kept this from him." She said the latter with a great deal of conviction.

Nathan simply nodded. He knew without a doubt that Lucas would be angry about being left in the dark -- that he would immediately go off on some tirade about not being a child -- but they would cross that bridge when they got to it. "Alright, we'll hold off on telling him until after the surgery, but I don't care if it's an hour after the surgery, Kristin, we're telling him as soon as he's coherent."

She nodded and he grabbed the laptop, leaving the rest of the technology on the bench.

"_Nothing in life is to be feared._

_It is only to be understood._"

- Marie Curie -

Nathan fidgeted while standing on the bridge, tapping his fingers on the comm unit. Everyone on the bridge knew why the Captain was pre-occupied; half of them were stuck on the same thought – Lucas was likely being prepped for surgery at that moment.

Everyone from Nathan to Ben to Ford had been banished from the medbay unless seriously injured so Kristin and Levine could prepare. The tumors in Lucas' body had to be removed before further treatments could be administered. It was something that made everyone nervous, especially those who understood that there was a significant risk that Lucas could die on the table.

Of course there were those among the newer members of the crew who didn't understand why the senior staff and much of everyone else were absentminded. They hadn't been on the boat long enough to get to know Lucas; they couldn't understand nor did they know the whole situation.

Still, no one dared do anything that could further upset the Captain or any of the senior staff. The senior staff, however, knew that of all of them, Nathan was the one who was the most worried about Lucas. He had tried to keep his mind in the game, but they all knew it was a lost cause.

"Sir," Ford broke into Bridger's reverie, "Perhaps you should go wait for Dr. Westphalen to call. I can handle the bridge."

"I'm alright, Commander," he responded, running a hand through his hair. "I think I'll go see how Admiral Noyce is coming along."

Jonathan nodded. He knew the Admiral had been working on getting a trial date set, but the fact that most of the abuse had taken place in Florida and New York had made for a hard time. Child Protective Services from both states didn't care if the UEO would ensure a fair trial with stiffer penalties nor did they care that Lucas had been abused on UEO property. They wanted to tout the Wolenczaks as an example, to show that no person of power was exempt from the rigors of law.

"Commander, you have the bridge," Nathan nodded as he stood and left. He slowly made his way toward the ward room, thinking over all the things Kristin had told him the night before. He feared for what they would find when skilled hands finally cut into the boy. Kristin had admitted that she thought the cancer had also developed in Lucas' spine, but couldn't be sure.

Nathan felt like someone had suddenly sucked all the energy from him. He felt tired and worn out, but he knew he couldn't just go off and take a nap. He had so many things to do – call Bill, talk to the command staff, and begin the paperwork for custody. Set up watches to ensure Lucas was never alone.

Kristin had let him know during the course of their conversation the night before that Lucas would, most likely, suffer some form of depression. It wasn't something she could say would definitely happen, but Nathan agreed that it was a significant enough risk. Lucas never did seem to do things by halves, making both he and Kristin nervous.

"Nathan? Nathan, are you alright?" Noyce asked, clearly worried, from the vidscreen.

Bridger was just a little startled. He never remembered dialing the Admiral, but nodded anyway, "Yes, just thinking about Lucas. I was hoping you'd have some good news for us."

"Yes and no. I was able to ensure that the trial would be held at UEO headquarters here, but the trial date is too soon. It's three months away and as far as I understand, Lucas will still be getting treated at that point," Bill responded. He shuffled through some papers and told Nathan the exact date the proceedings would begin.

"He'll definitely still be under treatment and I'm not sure Kristin will let him off this boat for anything at that point, even if it's only to testify." Nathan was actually quite confident Kristin would be keeping Lucas on seaQuest for however long it was before Lucas was recovered.

"I'll see what I can do about getting it pushed back, but I can't make any guarantees."

Nathan nodded. "Thanks, Bill," he smiled gently and ended the transmission. He was preparing to head back to the bridge when Ben knocked and entered the room. The younger man looked as bad as Nathan felt. Bridger waved him in. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

"Sir, I was wondering... I mean I know..." Krieg stopped and ran a hand through his hair, "What do we do if the trial doesn't go in Lucas' favor?"

The question Nathan had been thinking about for weeks. He'd been privately running through hundreds of scenarios and ideas of what to do should that happen. So far, the only one that could possibly work best was to resign, take Lucas, and hide. Once Lucas was 18, he'd be free to choose to go see his parents or not and there was little the Wolenczaks could do after that. But the thought still lingered that seaQuest was Lucas' home and he wouldn't want to leave it.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Right now, I think we just have to keep our minds on what to do once Lucas' parents have their rights terminated. If that's done before I can get custody, then Lucas will have to be placed in a foster home upworld."

"Can't Admiral Noyce..." Ben looked surprised, as if Nathan hadn't already thought of asking his friend.

"He's already pulling a lot overtime trying to get the trial set up. I can't ask him to help with anything else yet."

His response clearly was not something Ben wanted to hear, but the Captain was the Captain and he had the last word. Lucas would follow the man blindly into death; Lucas trusted Bridger and Krieg knew he should as well. "Yes, sir," he nodded, adding, "I just care about him, you know?"

"I know, Ben. Right now, though, the best thing we can do for him is to keep as much of our doubts and fears to ourselves," Nathan said as he stood. "Especially today."

Ben chose to leave the comment alone, understanding that Nathan and Kristin intended to have a long conversation with Lucas as soon as the boy had recovered from the surgery. Ben sincerely hoped they were doing the right thing.

And so the man left, leaving his captain alone in the ward room. He had some things to attend to before Lucas woke and Bridger would likely not care, but it was the secrecy and rule-breaking that had always earned Ben one of Lucas' prized smiles.

Nathan grinned at Ben's hasty retreat. He knew what Krieg was doing, knew that without a doubt it would be something that normally would have made him cringe or dole out punishment. However, given the circumstances, Nathan let it go. He would need any help he could get keeping Lucas' spirits up after letting him know all the details of what had been going on.

"_Do not anticipate trouble or_

_worry about what may never happen_."

- Benjamin Franklin -

They didn't talk that night or the next, or the day after that.

During surgery, Kristin and Levine along with pediatric oncologists, Dr. Jessie Strong and Dr. Abbott Jones, had removed several tumors and discovered that there had been another tumor forming at the base of Lucas' spine. They had feared the cancer had perhaps spread and so inserted an IC line to more easily give him the next rounds of chemotherapy.

But in a true Lucas fashion, he'd tried to wake before the surgery was completed. The pain of waking before he was stitched and the meds he'd been given had shocked Lucas' system. Keeping him alive had been hard enough before the infection set in.

A staph infection had thrived in Lucas' healing incision, floating through his body and complicating matters further. When he eventually woke, Lucas was in nine kinds of hell – not the best state for a discussion of his legal status.

Fever chills, trembling, and the development of pneumonia made Lucas miserable, completely and utterly. Nathan tried to spend as much time as he could with the boy, but the fear that he too could become ill worried Kristin enough that she began to limit his contact with Lucas. Nathan fought it and then lost the day he, too, began coughing.

"Kristin..."

"Don't Kristin me. Despite how you behave sometimes, you are not a young man anymore, Nathan. If you catch his pneumonia, it'll hit you harder and longer than anyone else. We can't take that chance right now." She crossed her arms and leaned to the side in a fashion that said he'd not win the argument. "As it is, you could have it now. Won't know until the tests come back, but let's not take the chance, shall we?"

"Alright, but if he asks for me..."

She nodded, "I'll call."

Nathan left, on the hunt to find something to do that would take his mind off Lucas for a few minutes. He'd already called Bill to talk over an idea he had for how Lucas could testify without leaving the safety of seaQuest or having to set up a clean environment in a hotel room. He wasn't on duty for another six hours and Krieg lacked his partner in crime, thus no need to hunt out the man to discipline him.

He'd have headed to the moon pool to play with Darwin had the dolphin not been out to feed, and that left him with one thing – filling out the final forms needed to complete Nathan's petition for legal custody of Lucas.

Sighing, Nathan stepped onto the maglev and then off a few moments later, trudging to his quarters and the papers that had been sitting on his desk for two days. He'd been too preoccupied with Lucas' medical problems to even think about filling them out. His only breaks from sitting with the boy had been to work or sleep.

He zeroed in on the papers the minute he walked into the room, the white of the paper glaring against the dark wood of his desk. Nathan slid into his chair, calling up the Professor and greeting the hologram as he sometimes did, then launched into a long winded, one-sided discussion of all sorts of things that were worrying him.

The Professor managed to break in when Nathan stopped for a breath, "So you think that by adopting Lucas, you could place him in further danger?"

"Yes. I do," he responded, nodding. "I think that there are people out there who would use Lucas as leverage against me or other members of the seaQuest."

"And this would stop you from adopting him."

Nathan stood. "Of course it would," he said before pausing. It was more than just his fears for Lucas that was making the decision harder. "That and I don't know if I would be able to maintain any sort of professionalism should something involve him. If there were someone holding him, I don't know if I would be able to be the Captain in that moment."

"But that's what makes you different from others, Nathan. You act on instinct and heart." The Professor's bland look changed, just minutely. "The seaQuest would not be what it is if you were like all other captains."

He nodded and smiled, "True." He turned off the Professor, reaching for his PAL and contemplating a call to Kristin. A knock on the door distracted him; Commander Ford was there, dressed in his civvies and carrying a bottle of scotch.

"Jonathan," he greeted, waving the man inside before closing the hatch. "What can I do for you?" Nathan asked, fairly sure it was a social call that brought Ford to his quarters. It was something they tried to do once a month, a way of maintaining the relationship their command was built on.

They'd skipped it last month; a silent understanding that Lucas was more important at that moment, and though Lucas' health was still a concern, Ford knew the Captain had been dealing with more and more stress. Between doing his job keeping the peace and Lucas' various problems, Nathan was missing meals and was often tired when he was on the bridge. The crew was beginning to notice and it was hurting morale.

"Just thought we could have a talk, sir." He set the bottle down and settled into a chair.

Nathan grabbed two glasses and set them on the desk before sitting down himself. He poured the scotch and sipped it, letting a comfortable silence grow between them until Nathan decided to broach the subject they'd been avoiding. "I know you aren't happy about what's been going on with Lucas. I want to thank you for not taking it up with General Thomas or any of the others."

Ford gave a grim smile, "Sir, I want to thank you for going against me." He drank a bit from the glass and then continued. "I should never have asked for Lucas to be sent upworld. He belongs here and I'm sure if he'd been sent away the crew would be worse off than they are now. At least with him onboard seaQuest, they know the minute anything happens."

Nodding, Bridger put the glass back on the desk. "Which brings me to something else I want to talk to you about." He lifted the papers, "I was just talking this over with the Professor. I've also talked to Dr. Westphalen, Admiral Noyce, and Lieutenant Krieg."

"The petition for adoption," Jonathan murmured, taking them and flipping through them. "They're not signed."

The curious look the man shot at him made Nathan explain. "I've been a little...off lately because of these. I have a concern that perhaps custody of Lucas should be given to someone else. Dr. Westphalen, most likely."

"Cap... Nathan. There is no one Lucas would want to be his father more than you. He trusts you and loves you more than anyone else on this crew. Hell, he doesn't even tell Ben the things he tells you." Ford stood, reaching across the desk and picking up a pen.

Nathan sighed, "And should the situation arise where I perhaps put Lucas before the well-being of the crew?"

"That's what I'm here for," Ford extended the pen and the papers to him.

"_It is not flesh and blood but the_

_heart which makes us fathers and sons._"

- Johann Shiller -

"I can't do this anymore." Lucas shook his head, tears flowing down sweaty cheeks and Kristin felt her heart break a little more. She moved the washcloth across his forehead, hoping the cool water would help ease a little of his discomfort.

Within two days of forcing Nathan to limit his contact with Lucas, Kristin had begun to regret it. Lucas became increasingly more upset, which exhausted him and in turn made him more ill. She'd nearly called him down several times but managed to restrain herself; Nathan needed to remain healthy.

"Where's the Captain? I want the Captain," Lucas choked, his body trembling atop the covers. His entire body hurt and it took a great deal of effort to not start sobbing, though he couldn't stop the tears. "Please. I wanna see the Captain." One hand wrapped tightly around the open flap of the lab coat, Lucas looked at her pleadingly.

Kristin stroked his hair, "I'll go call him, okay?"

He reluctantly released her coat and Dr. Jones took her place. Jones was a strange man, Lucas had decided early on. Quiet until one got to know him, the doctor had made Lucas uneasy the first few times they were alone together. Then one morning when Lucas was feeling particularly down, Abbott snuck in a porno and the two had been friendly ever since.

"How you doing, Lucas?"

"It hurts in places it didn't before," Lucas whispered. Though feeling quite weak, he moved and tightened his hold on the blanket beneath him. "It hurts...there."

"Where?" Abbott asked, concerned. There was a fear the cancer had metastasized and spread, and if Lucas was feeling pain it was a distinct possibility that they would need to run a deluge of tests to see if it had.

"Down _there_," Lucas gestured toward his groin and grimaced.

"Lucas, can I look or do I need to get Dr. Levine?" Abbott wasn't entirely sure Lucas would allow him to do a physical examination of that part of the body, though he knew without a doubt that Lucas would never let Kristin or any other woman do it. A fifteen year old boy was already confused enough about sex and the body without a female doctor prodding their penis.

Clearly agitated by what was happening, Lucas didn't answer. He ran a hand over his face and more tears fell.

Kristin returned then, preparing to ream out the man for upsetting Lucas, when he told her what was going on. Her facial expression changed within seconds. "Lucas," she said as she moved to his side, taking his hand, "Captain Bridger is on his way down. Would you like us to wait until he's here before we decide?"

He nodded without hesitation. The Captain would understand; he could make everything better and Lucas had missed the man's near constant presence. "Please don't make him leave again."

Kristin sighed, "I won't." Despite wanting to keep Nathan away, Lucas' health had deteriorated once contact between the two had been limited. If the price to be paid for keeping Lucas alive was to put Nathan on medications to prevent becoming ill, then it was a small price to pay.

It was a few minutes before Nathan arrived in the medbay, passing all the lab tables and beds to enter Lucas' small room. Kristin took him to the side almost the instant he walked in and explained what was going on. She could tell the news upset him as much as it had upset her, but he understood the importance of getting Lucas to submit to an exam.

"Captain," Lucas muttered it, tiredly and he immediately reached up to grab Nathan's uniform. "Don't go. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere, kiddo," Nathan replied. "I'll stay here as long as you want. But first we have to deal with this pain you're having."

Lucas made a face. He looked absolutely pitiful with the reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Dr. Levine," Lucas said, just a little scared he'd upset Abbott with his choice. One look at the man let Lucas know that he hadn't made the man mad, and Lucas relaxed.

Kristin left, taking Abbott with her, and Lucas and Nathan were alone. They simply stayed as they were for a few minutes, Lucas still holding onto Nathan's uniform and Nathan combing the boy's hair with his fingers. Nathan broke the silence, voice just soft enough to not be overwhelming, "I sent the papers yesterday."

"What papers?" Lucas had closed his eyes and he didn't open them. Nathan knew Lucas was exhausted, but he just hadn't realized how exhausted he was.

"The petition for custody. For now, it will give me guardianship until the trial. Then afterwards... we sign a few more papers and I'll have adopted you." Nathan let a small smile slip when Lucas grinned.

Levine joined them then, looking far more serious than Nathan had ever seen him. He moved about quietly, letting Lucas get whatever rest he could before walking over and positioning himself at the side of the bed. He explained what he would do and told Lucas, "Anything that doesn't feel right, I need to know about. If I press into a spot that doesn't hurt but makes you dizzy or nauseous, tell me."

"Okay."

The smallness of Lucas' voice made the two men look between each other. They truly didn't want to cause the boy any more pain, but if the cancer hadn't spread, then they could all breathe a mite easier. Granted Lucas would still be in pain, but that could be medicated and they could continue to wait until the pneumonia cleared up to continue the chemo.

Lucas let go of Nathan's uniform as Levine shifted the bed, taking the Captain's hand and refusing to look down.

"Easy, kiddo. I know it feels strange." He reached for the washcloth and the tepid water, wiping down Lucas' neck. He could feel the tension thrumming through Lucas; having ones genitals moved about was not the most pleasant aspects of life, but it was something they all had to do at some point.

Levine carried on, gentling his ministrations when Lucas said he felt something, and when he was done, helped set the boy's clothes to rights. He sighed, "Lucas, I'm going to talk to Kristin and then we'll take some blood before we jump to any conclusions, but I want you to know that it's very possible that..."

Lucas stopped him. "I get it. Just... I don't want to think about it right now," he said, obviously saddened by the idea of the cancer having moved to his testes. It wasn't exactly something any man wanted to hear.

"Thank you, doctor. I need a minute with Lucas," Nathan told him, squeezing Lucas' hand and watching Dr. Levine leave the room. He helped Lucas to sit up and wrapped Lucas in his arms. "Easy. Breathe." He rubbed Lucas' back for a minute, until the boy had calmed some and then pulled back just enough to look at Lucas. "I want you to get some rest, alright?" He told Lucas, helping him to lie back again. "I'll stay right here."

"Promise?" Lucas mumbled, his eyes already drooping.

"Promise."

Nathan watched as Lucas slowly fell asleep, restless even as he began dreaming. Once he was sure that Lucas was not going to wake up any time soon, Nathan grabbed a thin blanket and spread it over Lucas before slipped out into the main section of the medbay to hunt out Kristin.

He found her in her office with Levine, the both of them going over blood work and x-rays and muttering things in doctorspeak. Nathan wished he didn't have to interrupt him, but he had a few questions himself that needed to be answered.

Clearing his throat, Kristin's head immediately snapped up and she groaned, "He just can't get a break. We've just been going over all the test results from the yesterday and there's a clear indication that the cancer has indeed spread. From the sounds of Levine's examination, it's not spread much beyond his left testicle, but I don't think that will be much consolation to Lucas."

"Most likely not," Nathan nodded. He stood for a minute, thinking, then asked, "What do we do now?"

"Now..." Kristin rubbed her forehead. "Now we hope that he gets better in the next few days so we can get him back on the chemo. If the treatment continues to work as it was earlier, then he may get out of this ordeal with his body intact."

She didn't have to say that if things didn't go according to plan, Lucas would be less one testicle and with a lot more emotional baggage than he already had.

"For the moment, I'm going to remain optimistic. He's done well so far with everything that you all have been doing," Nathan told her. He truly did hope that Lucas' response to the treatment continued to be good. It might have been exhausting for the boy and had horrendous side effects, but it had shrunk his tumors to about two-thirds the size they'd been before the surgery was performed.

He turned to go when he remembered the other question he'd wanted to ask. "Do either of you have an idea about when Lucas might be able to go down to the moonpool? I have a feeling he might do a little better mentally if he can get out of here for a few hours."

Kristin thought it over. It was rare that Lucas got to see Darwin; between the medications, the random bouts of sleep, and the rise in things like nausea and dizziness, Lucas hadn't been allowed to go far from the medbay. He asked about Darwin, but hadn't thus far broached the subject of seeing the dolphin. She glanced at Levine. "Let's see how he's doing tomorrow and we'll see. He can't go swimming just yet, but I can't see how it could hurt for him to put his feet in the water."

Nathan smiled, "I'll tell him when he wakes up." Then he turned and left, leaving the two to once again sort through all the papers spread out on the desk. He heard Kristin yell something to him as he walked away and he didn't need to ask what she'd said to know what she wanted.

"Dr. Jones, Dr. Strong, I think Kristin needs you in her office," he said as he passed the two and re-entered Lucas' room, glad to see the boy was still asleep. He had hoped Lucas wouldn't wake to find he was alone.

"Where'd you go?"

Or maybe he had. "I went to ask Kristin about getting you down to seadeck. Darwin misses you."

Lucas was still half-asleep and he didn't really comprehend what Nathan had said. He dropped back off into his dreams a few seconds later and Nathan sighed after settling into a chair, "Sleep well, kiddo."


	2. Chapter Two

"_The most I can do for my friend_

_is simply be his friend_."

- Henry David Thoreau -

It was three days before Lucas was finally cleared to leave medbay. Kristin had wanted to keep him longer, but Lucas wasn't having that. He had gained back enough of his strength to joke with Ben and harass Kristin into letting him out, something she'd smirked about but didn't comment on. She didn't need to encourage him, thank you very much.

Once informed that Lucas was free, Nathan had swooped in and taken Lucas directly to the moonpool. He'd talked the entire way there, ensuring that Lucas understood that because of the pneumonia that still wasn't fully out of his lungs and the IC line, he could not go into the water.

Lucas didn't like it but the desire to see Darwin won out so he was happy to settle for sticking his feet in the water and petting the dolphin. He was sure Bridger had already explained the illness to Darwin and that Darwin would likely ask many questions, something that would keep his mind off wanting to go swimming.

The water was a bit cold when Lucas first put his foot in. By the time he'd gotten settled and was resting against a bulkhead, Darwin had appeared.

"Bridger says Lucas is sick," Darwin said within a few seconds, staying as still as he could while Lucas bent over to pet him.

"Yeah, I am," Lucas told him, settling back and patting his feet on the top of the pool. "But I'll be okay." He smiled as if he could make himself believe it; he almost did if it hadn't been for the dull pain thrumming through his body.

Nathan came over, settling down next to Lucas. He'd removed his shoes and rolled up his pant legs; he smiled as the water touched his toes, Darwin nosing his heel.

They sat in the silence for several minutes, interrupted intermittently by Darwin splashing the water. Even he knew Lucas wasn't in the mood to talk, happily chattering nonsense to himself. Then Nathan gently put his hand on Lucas' shoulder and asked, "How are you doing, kiddo?"

Lucas shrugged, "I'm fine." He hadn't looked up at the Captain when he spoke, not sure he'd be able to lie if he were.

"Really, Lucas. How are you?" Nathan asked again. He wasn't asking for shits and giggles; he wanted to know, needed to know. He felt guilty for the time he'd not been able to spend with Lucas, comforting his young friend and helping Lucas through the pain.

The boy glanced up and felt his resolve waver. He tried to hold onto his tears, but it was futile. He turned reached for Nathan, closing his arms around the Captain. The tears came harder when Nathan began to rub a soothing hand on his back, pull him closer and held him. Lucas apologized when he could finally take a breath, only to have it gently rebuked with facts – he didn't make himself sick and it wasn't his fault his parents had been monsters.

Nathan combed fingers through Lucas' hair, continuing to sooth as best he knew how until Lucas calmed enough to stop sobbing. He didn't let go when Lucas attempted to move away, instead forcing Lucas to relax against him.

"I'm sorry," Lucas muttered miserably. His eyes red, he sniffled and pulled up both arms to rest on Bridger's chest while his head leaned on the man's shoulder. It was the first time in his life he'd allowed someone to be so close physically for so long and he admitted to himself that it was the most comfortable he'd been in his life.

"For what? Crying?" Nathan asked and felt Lucas' nod. "Don't be. I'd rather you cried, Lucas. You always keep everything so bottled up inside of you and since you got sick, we all worry. You're trying so hard to be brave for us when we really don't need it, kiddo. It's okay to admit you hurt and you're scared." Nathan sighed, squeezing Lucas briefly, "We all are."

Lucas sat up. People caring for him was something new, something unusual. It made him suspicious and a little bit paranoid and strangely, for the first time, he felt _warm_. Like maybe things could actually get better.

Watching Lucas, Nathan could see all the emotions flit across the young face. He didn't say a word, letting Lucas come to his own conclusions and think his own thoughts. Nathan could still remember when he'd objected to Robert's joining the Navy. How he'd fought against that until Robert had yelled back, screaming that they'd never speak again if Nathan continued to try and talk him out of it.

"I just don't know what to do," Lucas admitted. "The doctors won't let me have a computer and I can't get on the internex without a computer. I can't do any work or help on the Bridge. I'm just... here."

"Well, kiddo, I'll see what I can do about getting them to let you have some work, but I want you to understand that you're not 'just here'. You keep this crew from losing too much of themselves in their work. You're fifteen, Lucas, you're out of place on a sub but it's the best match I've ever seen. Your presence forces all the people on this boat to remember there's something more than military perfection or scientific research."

Lucas slumped forward, letting his fingers slide on the top of the water. "I don't know if I can keep going, Captain."

"Living is an art, pal. It's not bookkeeping." Nathan pulled Lucas over to him once more, "Promise me whenever you feel like giving up, you'll tell me."

"Captain..."

Nathan ruffled his hair, "I care, Lucas. I know it's going to take you a while to accept that, but I give a damn how you're feeling and if you're in pain, I want to know. I'd rather you scream or cry or whatever to me than I walk into your room and find you dead, understand?"

"I understand," Lucas muttered back. He sincerely hoped Bridger wasn't toying with him because he knew he'd be taking that offer up very soon.

"_Family means putting your arms_

_around each other and being there_."

- Anonymous -

Watching Lucas cuddle closer under the covers, Kristin had to admit that letting him spend the night with Nathan in the Captain's quarters had been a good idea. He hadn't been sleeping too well in months and the sight before her was just too precious. It reminded her of the nights when Cynthia was young and ill, the two of them under the covers and comfortable.

Nathan was holding onto Lucas; the teen had pillowed his head on Nathan's chest, one leg hanging off the bed and one arm draped over the man.

"Kristin," Nathan whispered, eyes slit open yet clearly drowsy.

"Go back to sleep. I just came to check on him," she smiled and touched Lucas' forehead, ensuring that he didn't have a fever. It had been so touch and go for a few days that Kristin had actually been prepared to let people know that he was dying. But in his usual fashion, Lucas survived, pushing on and healing up.

She suspected the combination of Nathan and Darwin had something to do with it. Since his first visit with Darwin three days before, he'd seen the dolphin everyday and though he still could not swim, he seemed to leave the moonpool a little happier. Nathan was with him every time; neither he nor Lucas knew she was aware of their talks.

It had been an accident to overhear the first time, but the second time was out of pure curiosity. The fact that Lucas could open up just enough to let Nathan know he was scared, that he was tired of feeling weak and a little bit angry as well, showed her how deep their bond truly ran.

Kristin smiled and then left, quietly walking through the hatch and closing it. She continued to grin as she made her way back to the medbay, and even the thought of beginning Lucas' chemo that day was not enough to chase it away.

Nathan, however, had a full day ahead of him. Calls to make, crew rotations to be done, and the fact that Lucas was to start his next round of treatment cast a shadow over everything. He, unlike Kristin, couldn't stop thinking about the future – would he be able to keep Lucas on the boat without the Wolenczak name was the most predominate concern in his mind. He and Bill had sworn to each other they'd find some way to keep Lucas on seaQuest, but if it were to be impossible, what would he do with the boy?

He sighed and managed to crawl his way out of the bed. Stretching as he made his way toward his desk, he allowed himself a chuckle at Lucas' strange sleeping position. Nathan had a moment of wistfulness, remembering when he was young and could sleep in any position he wanted, and then he turned to his morning paperwork.

A dozen new supplies were needed and the science department was asking for more grant money. Both Dr. Strong and Dr. Jones were asking for computer access and a long-term assignment to the seaQuest. Lt. Commander Hitchcock was asking for an appointment to discuss her position.

He started on the latter, easily finding time the next day for her to see him after his morning shift on the bridge, then moved on to the supplies. He had thought supply requisitions would be easy, but he was beginning to have a higher appreciation for Ben Krieg's job and he was just about to begin cursing when he heard Lucas roll over.

"Well, look who's decided to wake up," Nathan said, turning around to watch as Lucas gradually remembered where he was and how he had gotten there.

Lucas blinked a few times and responded, "I could try to sleep all day but I think Dr. Westphalen would just come hunt us down." He made a face at that. He knew Westphalen would read him the riot act if he even so much as thought of skipping his treatment.

"She would and then we'd both be in the doghouse," Nathan told him as he stood, walking over in case Lucas needed support.

He slowly began moving off the edge of the bed, easing his feet down to the floor but his knees buckled and he grabbed Nathan's arm to keep from falling. It took Lucas a minute to gain the strength to bear his own weight, though Nathan continued to stay close as the boy made his way to the head. Nathan contemplated telling Lucas to shower, only he didn't think Lucas could stay standing for too long.

"Captain?" Lucas stared at the man.

Nathan knocked himself out of his reverie. "Sorry. Listen, why don't you clean up a bit and we'll go find Ben? I need a crash course in supply 101 before he goes upworld."

Lucas' eyes widened, "Ben's going away?" He hadn't known about that. Ben told him everything and he hadn't been aware Ben was leaving the boat.

"He'll be back. His mother is very ill," Nathan told him quickly. The risk of Lucas misinterpreting what he meant was high and he was sure Lucas would get upset, thinking his best friend was leaving him without so much as a goodbye. "I'm not sure how long he'll be gone, Lucas. She's dying and it's likely this is his last chance to see her, so he may be away for a while. I'm not replacing him. I may not like his side activities, but he gets the job done."

"Yes, sir," Lucas nodded. "So you're doing Ben's work?"

"Unfortunately," he grumbled. "I thought I assigned him an assistant months ago, but it seems either Ben scared the poor man or the order was never passed down."

Lucas blushed and Nathan grinned. He knew well enough that Lucas and Ben had likely scared the seaman with talk of god-knows-what, but he would discuss that later with the two of them. "Clean up," he instructed, before returning to the main portion of his quarters and locating the bag he had helped Lucas pack the afternoon before.

He pulled jeans, a tee shirt, and one of Lucas' Marlins jerseys from the duffel. A pair of socks were balled up at the bottom along with his boxer shorts. Lucas had cleverly stashed away some of his music in the folds of the underwear and a book on computer linguistics hidden in a pair of his pajama pants.

Lucas emerged from the head a half an hour later, tightly holding the towel around his thin frame. Nathan winced inwardly at the sight of Lucas' ribs, poking out just gently. Kristin had warned him that Lucas had lost some weight, but he hadn't expected to see it so pointedly. Despite it though, Kristin swore up and down that they were doing something right and they just had to deal with the side effects of the therapy.

"Thanks, Captain." Lucas took his clothes and dressed with his back to Nathan. He used the towel to carefully hide his body as he pulled on each garment, and made sure to fling it into the hamper when he was done. He stopped then and bounced on his heels, the corner of his mouth quirked as he watched Nathan.

"What? Are you waiting for something?"

"Captain!" It would have been an effective whine had Nathan not been desensitized to such things. Still he couldn't ignore the grin on Lucas' face, and after a few more seconds of teasing, he stood and dressed.

Ben was amid a packing nightmare when the two arrived. His regulation duffel was already brimming with clothes and toiletries and another two smaller bags were each nearly full. His drawers were all open, his desk covered in papers and other small trinkets, and Ben was in the middle of it, looking shell-shocked as he held a picture of himself and Katie at their wedding, his mother behind them.

"Ben?" Lucas called softly, moving toward the man. He tried to make some noise to alert Ben that he was coming closer but it still surprised Krieg when he realized Lucas and Bridger were there.

"Sorry, I'm just a little..." He scratched his head. His hair was pointing in about six directions and shirt was turned up in the back, socks missing and he when he stood he was half on the hem of his jeans. "Well. Hey, Lucas, how you doing, kid?"

"A lot better than you are."

Nathan snorted, "Lucas, why don't you help Lieutenant Krieg clean up and I'll make sure everything fits in these."

Ben turned scarlet; he had intended to be done packing by the time Lucas came around. He wanted to spend some time talking with the kid, giving him a few things he'd been hiding in his quarters. But he'd woken up to a phone call from his little sister, crying about the coma and how their mother was going to die and where was he? It was difficult to explain to her that he really had no wish to see the woman.

He'd rather stay with Lucas on seaQuest, but he'd already alienated half his family over his feud with his mother, and it wouldn't have paid to lose the rest. So he'd pulled his tired body from his bed and gotten started at 0600. It was 0930 – he'd been sitting on his floor for half an hour, staring at the old picture.

"Ben, hey. Where's this go?" Lucas held up a few wires and other supplies.

Forcing himself away from his thoughts, Ben pointed out the boxes each were kept in and set to righting his quarters. It ultimately took the three of them an hour to do so, but when he was done it was almost immaculate. His bags were set and he thanked the Captain profusely. Something Nathan rebuked and whispered, "Consider it repayment for taking care of him."

Ben let it go because he didn't believe he did anything spectacular for Lucas except be there. Something he would later realize meant more to Lucas than anything else.

"_The cruelest lies are_

_often told in silence_."

- Robert Louis Stevenson -

Lucas didn't sleep the first night of his second round of treatment. Between the appearance of chemo burns and his worry for Ben, he wasn't able to get himself calmed down enough. Kristin ended up sedating him when she came to check on him in the morning, upset that her nursing staff had not called anyone about it.

The next night he wouldn't be able to sleep for an entirely different reason.

Because they'd been so focused on getting him recovered enough for the next round, Nathan and Kristin had pushed aside the talk they'd been meaning to have with him. Lucas had been kept out of the loop for almost six weeks and when Nathan realized that, he'd contacted Kristin. She'd tried to dissuade him, but even she knew it had to be done.

It was a talk that could have gone in so many directions. It could have started with Nathan explaining that they had kept things from him out of concern for his wellbeing or it could have started with Kristin explaining the state of his illness and how she'd stopped Bridger from telling him. It could have been done with Nathan being firm and Kristin keeping an eye on Lucas' heartrate.

Instead it started off at the bottom of the hill and tunneled its way through the Earth. Nathan had begun with an apology and Lucas had taken note immediately. Kristin jumped in, jumbling everything at first until Lucas got a handle on what was going on and all the pent up anger and frustration exploded.

Nurses stopped outside the hatch to listen as Lucas berated the CMO and the Captain. Drs. Strong and Jones hurried to usher them away, while contemplating bursting into the room and dragging Kristin and Nathan out. They knew, however, that the relationship between the three people was a complicated at best and they left them, weary of the pressure and stress that was being placed on Lucas.

"I'm not a _child_! Stop treating me like one!" Lucas demanded finally, his voice grown hoarse and his body trembling with emotion.

Quite truthfully, Lucas wasn't really mad at either Kristin or Nathan. Nor was he truly that upset that they'd kept something from him. It was that he could feel what little control he'd garnered over his life slipping away quickly.

So used to his parents controlling everything from when he ate to when he slept to what he wore, it had been amazing when he'd gone to college and discovered what freedom felt like. He'd grown to like the feeling that he was his own master, that he'd learned how best and when to smart off to his father; he could control his beatings. He could control something and he liked it. He'd loved it when he'd gotten on to seaQuest and found he respected Bridger enough to not feel like he was being abused.

Though, now, it felt like his hard fought control was being taken away. He was scared and frustrated and Lucas wanted to hit something. Then suddenly, it washed away and he barely had time to let Kristin know he was about to be sick before he was.

"Easy, Lucas," Nathan coaxed, rubbing his back and holding the basin while Kristin left the room. His nose recoiled at the smell of bile; Lucas had eaten nothing for breakfast, his stomach unable to handle even a look at a bare plate.

He finished just as Kristin returned, a syringe with some drug or another in her hands. She reached for the opening in his gown, parting it just enough to reach the tubes of the IC line and injected it. "There. That should help."

They stood there for a few seconds, soothing Lucas and easing him back until he was once again lying down.

As he fell asleep he could see the look exchanged by Kristin and Nathan, and managed to tell them, "I'm sorry," before he was out cold.

Nathan sighed. He knew Lucas was upset that he'd yelled, but it had actually made Nathan happy to hear something more than sadness come from Lucas. It had been hard to see how the boy suffered under the burden, thinking he had to be brave for his friends when what he wanted to do was to be told they'd work everything out.

Kristin made herself think back to the other night, forced herself to think of how precious the two had looked. How right it was that Lucas would be protected, even in sleep, by the man who truly felt like Lucas' father. She wished she'd had a camera but the picture was blazed in her mind and she hoped that the peace from that moment could be reestablished when Lucas woke up.

"I'll stay with him."

Her eyes snapped away from Lucas and she nodded. "I'll be in my office."

"_Diagnosis is not the end,_

_but the beginning of practice_."

- Martin H. Fischer -

"The best I can do is another month, Nathan. The UEO isn't pleased by this and they don't want Wolenczak tied up in the courts," Bill told him. He looked tired and upset and Nathan knew he would have been read the riot act if Kristin had been anywhere near; he realized he'd never thanked Noyce for all the work he'd been doing for Lucas.

"We'll have to make that enough," Nathan replied. "Really, Bill, thank you. This means a lot to everyone here."

It really did. The entire senior staff was insanely protective of the boy and that someone in a high place was looking after Lucas' best interests made them all feel a bit better. It didn't help a lot when they were watching Lucas be so uncomfortable he couldn't sleep or eat, but it still made them a bit more comfortable.

He waved off the appreciation, "Lucas is worth it, right?" He gave a small smile, thinking of the papers he had sent out that morning. Nathan's petition for custody would be filed by the close of business that day; Lucas would be Nathan's charge until the trial was done.

"Yeah. He is," Nathan nodded. Lucas was definitely worth a few sleepless nights and calling in countless favors, "But seriously, Bill, you have no idea how much it means to everyone that you're willing to do these things for him."

A knock on the hatch stole Nathan's attention and then Miguel Ortiz appeared. "Sorry, sir, I didn't realize..." He moved to back away and Nathan stopped him with a raised hand. He hung in the doorway, holding his cap in his hands and waiting for the Captain to tell him what to do.

"Bill, I'll get back to you later."

"Alright," He nodded. Noyce knew what Ortiz had come around for and he offered a quick word of advice, "Don't be afraid, son. He only looks scary." Nathan made a face at him and he told Bridger he'd call later, then terminated the connection.

"I didn't mean to interrupt, sir."

Nathan waved him in, "Not a problem, Mr. Ortiz. Admiral Noyce and I have been talking twice a day since this whole thing started with Lucas. We can stand to have one call cut short." He paused while Miguel sat, adding, "And anyway, I think you've wanted to talk to me about this for a while now."

"This, sir?" Miguel blanched. The Captain knew?

"About you and Mr. O'Neill," Nathan smirked, watching as Miguel turned white. "Off the record, Miguel, I'm happy for you both. Be good to each other," he said. "On the record, just don't let it interfere with your work. So long as you both maintain a working relationship, I can ensure the UEO will not split you up."

Ortiz relaxed, "Thank you, sir." He had sincerely feared his Captain would go back to the old policies of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, something which had been thrown out a decade before. He hoped the Captain's blessing would help Tim to stop worrying so much.

His thoughts turned to Lucas at the sad look in Bridger's eyes. "How's Lucas?"

"Tired. Dr. Jones and Dr. Westphalen are running more tests, but they think he's getting better," Nathan replied. He conveniently left out that Lucas had been unable to keep any food down and Abbott had recommended a nasogastric tube. Lucas had balked at the idea of a feeding tube, but Nathan was sure when he returned to medbay that Lucas would have one.

"I was thinking about what you said the other day, sir, about Lucas' parents," Miguel twisted his hands. He was definitely nervous; when Bridger had sat down his entire senior staff in the ward room and discussed with them the upcoming trial, he'd also asked them to report any incidents that they witnessed which could confirm the abuse.

Miguel had almost blurted out right then a clear memory of the last shore leave they'd had, when Lucas had returned from his mother's house two days in, ravenous and limping. Ortiz had started to suspect then that something was wrong – Lucas normally lived on junk food, avoiding anything with nutritional value, but that trip he'd eaten anything that'd been put in front of him.

He told the Captain about that shore leave, about the hurt in Lucas' eyes when they'd picked him up from Cynthia Wolenczak's and his inability to put full weight on his leg. The fact that the trip was three and a half months before Lucas had been diagnosed with cancer and he had likely had tumors forming in his bones upset Miguel. The lack of food and the pain in his thigh must have been excruciating, but he'd never said anything.

"Miguel, could you repeat this in court if needed?" he asked, already reaching for a pile of papers on his desk. The lawyer's number was printed on a card stuffed in a folder pocket and he handed one to Ortiz when the man agreed. "I'll let Peter know about this but if you or Tim think of anything else, call him."

Miguel left and Nathan watched him go. He made a mental note to call Peter before he went to bed that night, tidied his papers, and left his quarters. Lucas' anti-emetics had likely worn off and despite needing them, Kristin could only administer them at intervals. He often suffered through an hour or more of being sick before he could get his next dose.

He moved through the halls quickly, passing various crewmembers who waved at him as he went. Some went to attention and were surprised when he passed them without putting them at ease. They were still new enough that they didn't understand a lot of how seaQuest operated.

Nathan didn't have the time to explain.

When he entered the medbay, he immediately noticed Abbott and Jessie running from one room to another and dragging out various medications. Kristin was no where to be found and every nurse on duty was busy trying to clean up the swath of destruction the two oncologists left. Nathan bustled through as carefully as possible, all but bursting into Lucas' room and stopping short.

Lucas was bent over an emesis basin; his lips were red and swollen, his skin clammy and pale. There was blood down the front of his gown and Kristin was busily trying to wipe it off of him while doling out orders to those around her.

He walked over, setting himself beside Lucas' bed. Nathan immediately reached for the cloth and took it from Kristin, gesturing her away and the grateful look she gave him made him worry. Something was desperately wrong; he tried to get a conversation out of Lucas, ask simple questions but the boy never answered. Lucas grunted a few times and winced when Nathan wiped the blood off a burn. He didn't use words.

Abbott eventually flurried in, ignoring Nathan as he administered several drugs and then tried to settle Lucas on his back. It was then that Bridger noted the feeding tube had indeed been set up, but it seemed Lucas was having trouble getting air. He looked weakly at the world around him and when Kristin returned with one of his long sleeved shirts, Lucas didn't even object to being changed.

"Kristin, what's going on?" Nathan asked, helping to pull the shirt over Lucas' head.

"His temperature dropped through the floor half an hour ago. We immediately stopped the chemo, but it's still in his system and we're trying to get him warm. We're not sure where the blood came from except we think he has stomach ulcers. The tube went down his throat the wrong way the first time and now he can't breathe well," She listed.

Kristin grabbed the oxygen mask and set it over Lucas' mouth. He pulled away at first but she held it there and Lucas eventually settled. His eyes opened just enough that Nathan could see the dull blue of the boy's eyes and he took Lucas' hand. "It's alright, kiddo. We'll fix this."

The look Kristin gave him was bitter, a warning against making promises he couldn't keep. It softened after a minute and she nodded because she remembered when Cynthia was a teenager, sick with meningitis and the pain she'd been in. She'd have made any promise to keep the girl still; she patted Lucas' shoulder, "Do you need some more painkillers?"

Lucas didn't seem to comprehend what she'd said at first, but managed to shake his head, "Cold."

"Abbott and Dr. Levine are collecting some blankets and a heating pad, sweetheart. We'll get you warm as soon as we can," Kristin soothed.

Nathan rubbed the boy's arms, trying to add some warmth through fiction and thought of something to talk about, coming up with his news from Krieg. "Ben called today. He said he'll be back in a few days."

Lucas lit up. Well, lit up as much as he could under the circumstances. It made Nathan purse his lips out of worry and he hurried to help Levine get Lucas covered in the blankets when the man appeared. Abbott followed with a heating pad and several hot water bottles, which they situated around Lucas with as little fuss as possible.

The blue tinge to Lucas' lips started to dissipate and Nathan listened as all of the doctors whispered between each other. Jargon he couldn't understand if he tried flew between them; Nathan tried to make sense of it, but he lost interest when Lucas began to move, trying to escape the weight of the blankets.

"Calm down, it's alright. Just give me a minute," he chanted softly as he pulled off the first two blankets and Lucas stilled. Nathan moved Lucas' long bangs from his eyes, feeling all the more weary when he realized Lucas' hair was thinner than it had been a week before.

"Nathan, could you leave the room for just a minute?" Kristin asked him a few minutes later and immediately withdrew the question when Lucas flopped a hand onto Nathan's arm, scrunching his fingers as tightly as he could. Lucas didn't want the Captain going anywhere.

He eyed her, "What's the matter?"

"We think that it's possible that he's developed hepatotoxicity from the form of chemotherapy he's on. We've been doing regular tests to monitor his liver function, but we only just got back the last round of tests an hour ago." She sighed, "I need to see if his liver is enlarged."

He nodded, helping shift the blankets and to comfort Lucas as he was exposed to the air again, his gown opened and for the first time he could see the true level of devastation – Lucas' left testicle was enlarged, his two-week old incision stitched shut with black thread that was prominent on the pale skin; chemo burns dotted his chest and every breath Lucas took was accompanied by a shudder. His legs were swollen, his skin was beginning to jaundice.

Kristin gently pressed down on his belly and Lucas tried valiantly to wiggle away, too weak to yell but he still tried. Nathan had to forcibly hold him down, not using a whole lot of his weight to do so and when Kristin stopped, so did he. "I'm sorry, kiddo," he immediately apologized, taking an offered washcloth and wiping the sweat from Lucas' forehead and neck.

"S'okay, Cap'n," he muttered back. Lucas shivered, but whined when Nathan stopped his ministrations. Nathan started again, letting Kristin fix the boy's blankets; Lucas laid back and tilted his head so Bridger could get behind his ears, "S'good."

"I guess so," Nathan smiled gently. He continued to wipe the cloth down the side of Lucas' face, his neck, to his collarbones and Lucas fell asleep like that, almost completely unaware of the melee around him.

"Nathan, I need to speak to you. Joshua, come with me," Kristin instructed once she saw Lucas had gone to sleep. She moved quickly away from the room and into her office, gesturing them in and talking a mile a minute as soon as the door closed. Levine added in bits and pieces, both explaining what would be done for Lucas: the chemo would be stopped and they would need to ascertain the extent of the damage to his liver.

Without specialized drugs to treat hepatotoxicity, the only thing they could do was ensure he didn't have a bilirubin blockage and treat the symptoms. Kristin was clearly not thrilled by the idea but it was all they could do.

"But without the chemo what do we do?"

Kristin looked about ready to hit her head on something and Nathan was sure he wouldn't like what she was going to say, "Without using chemotherapy as the main treatment we have to start him on radiation, but I'm hesitant to do so yet. He'll need shotgun radiation blasts – blasts that cover an entire area of his body as opposed to a focused site – and over his groin... He will most likely become sterile from that."

"Can we put off the chemo for now, get him better and put him back on?" Nathan asked, hopeful. Lucas was just fifteen and he already was upset at the idea of losing one testicle, let alone being sterile.

"We can try, but the longer we wait, the less effective the treatment becomes and the cancer has time to spread. He can't afford to keep taking these breaks," Levine replied. He continued when Kristin nodded for him to go on. "His body is already having a hard time keeping up. After the first round, the nausea set in and his hair began falling out. I told Dr. Jones that I thought we needed to slow this down because Lucas' body couldn't handle so much at once, but Dr. Strong convinced us that an aggressive treatment was best.

"However, seeing how sick he's getting, I think it's too aggressive. If anything kills him, it won't be the cancer – it'll be the treatment."

"_There are always two choices, two paths to take._

_One is easy and it's only reward is that it's easy_."

- Anonymous -

Nathan groaned as he rolled over, finding Lucas once again sitting at the desk with a computer in front of him. Kristin had decided that though it made the medical staff feel better to have Lucas near, Lucas did better when left to Nathan's care and released the boy to him.

Unlike earlier times, however, Lucas was unable to sleep and Nathan was rapidly growing distressed over it. Without the time at night for his body to regain energy, Lucas became weaker and his temper shortened. Nathan was helpless to force sleep on Lucas and it was straining their relationship.

It had only been four days.

The blockage in Lucas' liver had been fixed three days before, which helped the jaundice, but the residual fatigue had stayed as had the swelling in his legs and he got sick several times a day. The anti-emetics meant to stop that had ceased to work and Kristin had no others that she felt comfortable giving him considering Lucas' luck with side effects.

As such, without the medication to stop the vomiting, Lucas would wake at least a few times each night and race into the bathroom. Nathan had stopped trying to get Lucas back into bed and instead he would wake to find Lucas working on some project or another.

"Lucas," Nathan started, intending to get the boy off the computer and hoping it wouldn't end in an argument. Lucas pretended to not hear him and Nathan closed his eyes against the headache. "Lucas, please put the computer away."

"But Captain..." He started to whine, but Nathan didn't want to hear it. He got up and took the laptop away, closing it and putting it to the side. Lucas immediately opened his mouth as if preparing to argue, then huffed when he realized that he wouldn't win any argument he put forth. Nathan had spoken; he wouldn't compromise, and Lucas snapped, "Well what should I do then?"

"How about you cut the attitude and get dressed?" Nathan replied, not a bit fazed by the anger of Lucas' words. He was thrown a little when Lucas continued to sit in the chair, but that changed quickly when he added, "Lieutenant Krieg is getting back and I thought you'd like to be there when he got off the launch, but I guess I'll let him know you wanted to sulk instead."

Lucas had already gotten into the head by the time Nathan finished and the man smiled to himself, thinking that perhaps he'd just not been using the correct motivation the previous days. He pulled out a clean uniform, pulling the shirt on, and was nearly done getting the jumpsuit on when he heard the thud.

He moved to the door and knocked, calling Lucas' name and growing increasingly more nervous when he didn't get a reply. After the sixteenth time he'd demanded Lucas open the door, he reached for his PAL and ordered a team to report to his quarters with a blowtorch to open it.

They were nearly there when Lucas finally responded, sounding sleepy and weak, and he managed to open the door with a little trouble. Nathan immediately swooped in, almost forgetting to call off the team.

They came anyway, toting Westphalen with them. She just about shoved the men apart to get to Lucas and immediately began looking him over. It took several minutes of convincing by him to get her to move, letting him stand and explain that he'd started to get sick again and blacked out when he couldn't get a full breath. "I musta hit my head when I fell and then I heard the Captain calling me," Lucas told her as she blotted the blood from his forehead.

"You're lucky you don't have a concussion," she chastised. Kristin was not pleased; she'd sent Lucas home with Nathan to get the boy well, not injured. "And where were you? I told you he was too sick to be taking showers!"

He looked at Lucas, "See, I told you she can turn anything around on me." Nathan looked back at Kristin, "I asked him to get cleaned up, so we could go meet Lieutenant Krieg's launch. I didn't know he was going to try to shower."

Lucas had grinned at Nathan's statement, garnering him a glare from Kristin. She covered the small cut with a butterfly closure and spoke again. "How are you feeling now? Nauseous, dizzy?"

"I feel same as I have been all week," he responded truthfully. "I mean I don't feel any worse than I have been."

"Alright. Then I won't have you brought back to medbay now. But remember, if you feel like you're getting dizzier or dehydrated, or anything we can treat you for, I want you back, understood?" Kristin demanded and was only appeased when Lucas nodded, then she turned, tossed another sharp look at Nathan, and left. The engineering team left with her, leaving Lucas and Nathan alone.

They silently moved out to the main portion of the cabin, Lucas settling on Nathan's bed and wrapping himself in the blanket. Nathan searched for clean clothes in Lucas' duffel bag, but coming up with none, he remembered Lucas had worn the last clean outfit that night. Sighing, he went to his own closet and dug out a pair of too-big jeans and a shirt that hung off Lucas more than the boy's own did.

"Thanks," Lucas muttered as he got dressed and with a small voice asked, "Captain? Do you think... I mean... If I let them take the, you know, testicle, could it make things easier?"

Nathan, having finished changing into his own clean clothes, stopped. He'd been preparing himself for that question for a while, ever since they'd realized the cancer had spread there, but it was still a shock. "I don't know. Dr. Westphalen and I have talked about it and she thinks it might, but Dr. Levine and Dr. Jones aren't sure," He responded, then asked, "Why, Lucas?"

Lucas shifted on the bed and tugged at his shirt, chewed his lip, "I want them to get rid of it. I don't want it in me."

"You're sure?" Nathan asked, approaching the bed. Lucas nodded at him, but wouldn't hold his gaze. He asked again, "No, Lucas – are you sure? If I tell them this, they'll want to schedule immediate surgery. Once they take it, there is no going back."

"I'm not sure, but I know I don't want to die," Lucas admitted, blue eyes watching Bridger and daring him to argue. He worried that the Captain would tell him that he wasn't going to die, to not worry about it and they'd figure something out. The same words he'd heard a thousand times from the man.

But Nathan wasn't going to argue. He wanted Lucas well and if Lucas had finally realized he needed to sacrifice a testicle to do so, he wasn't going to stop him. First though, he was going to let Lucas have time to allow the knowledge to sink in. Lucas was just a teenager and Nathan had to be sure he understood what would happen.

Lucas watched him for a second. "I mean... I don't want to die over a testicle. It's just not that important."

Nathan blinked. A teenager saying that was monumental and it spoke of the intelligence Lucas had. Few others, young or old, would say something so perfectly true. "It's definitely not worth your life," he nodded. "We'll talk to Kristin after we see Ben, alright. She'll probably want to go over everything, make sure you definitely want to do that."

"You'll have to sign the papers for it, right?" Lucas asked, still trying to understand the guardianship thing. He hadn't really gotten what it meant legally even though he was sure Nathan would explain it if he asked; he didn't actually care all that much, because he trusted the Captain.

"So long as you keep saying this is what you want to do, yes. But, kiddo, listen, if you waver on this, I won't do it. I need you to be completely sure." He touched the side of Lucas' head briefly, "What's going on up here is pretty upsetting to you and I know you don't really like the idea of being cut open again, so I'm not going to allow anything that will make you more upset."

"You mean more depressed," Lucas said. He knew what Bridger meant. He'd known the man long enough to interpret the hidden meanings and read between the lines. "You mean you don't want to do anything that might make me want to kill myself."

Nathan nodded, "I told you when this started that I would do everything in my power to keep you safe and alive. I made that promise to you and to myself; I promised I wouldn't let you endanger yourself either."

"Good idea." Lucas looked up a little more solemn, "I don't think I'll be changing my mind, Captain."

He reached for Nathan, who pulled Lucas to him. They hugged silently and let go after they both relaxed. "So, ready to go find Ben? He's probably waiting for us."

Lucas grinned from ear to ear. He waited patiently for the Captain to sign off on some paperwork, asking for help to stand after Nathan finished. They moved through the corridors slowly, arriving there to find that Ben was, indeed, already in the launch bay. However, he'd already been greeted by someone.

He was crying on Katie's shoulder, his face buried in the fabric of her uniform while she rubbed his back and offered condolences. Lucas and the Captain waited, trying to appear as if they weren't watching and shooing anyone who stopped to gawk.

Lucas had given in to his fatigue and sat down when Ben noticed their presence. He quietly moved away from Hitchcock and wiped his eyes, "Sorry, sir. I just..."

Nathan shook his head as he cut Krieg off. "You're entitled, Ben. How was the service?" He pretended not to realize Ben and Katie were still holding hands. He knew the only person who understood what had happened between mother and son was the Lieutenant Commander; Ben likely needed her support just to remain standing. "Did you get the flowers?"

Ben nodded, "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. My sister sends her thanks as well." He paused, as if trying to find the words he needed. It took a minute but he continued, answering the first question, "The service was... good. No one fought." His slumped shoulders spoke of a different story, but Nathan didn't push it – the death of a parent was devastating enough without someone asking a million questions.

"Hey, Lucas," Ben smiled, looking utterly pathetic with red-rimmed eyes as he attempted to change the subject, "How ya' doing, kid?"

Lucas grinned back, "I'm okay."

And just like that, Ben and Lucas were back to normal.

"_A mother's love is peace. It need not_

_be acquired, it need not be deserved_."

- Erich Fromm -

The day before Lucas was set to have the testicle removed, the new form of chemotherapy and different set of anti-emetics the oncologists and Kristin had agreed on, arrived. It had been shipped in medical crates with a sticker on the side labeling it hazardous and Levine hadn't had time to have someone clean out a supply room for it, so it sat in the corner of Lucas' medbay room.

He had memorized every edge and figured out that despite the precision associated with medicine, the corners of the crate were not ninety degrees but eighty-nine or ninety-one. He had figured out what font had been used on the label.

He had determined how much would have to be given at one time for it to kill him.

Lucas had gotten up twice the night before the surgery, lifting the crate lid and peering at the contents. The bags looked so innocuous, innocent and a vague wonder of how something so deadly could be contained inside bits of plastic. It burned in his veins, killed all cells be they healthy or cancerous, and had damaged his liver. Yet it could be safely transported from California to the Irish Ocean in a crate without spilling or any damage.

"Hey," Ben announced as he wandered in, looking around as if he were a spy avoiding detection. Lucas knew something was up; Ben only did that when he was about to get them both into trouble. He produced a perfectly wrapped gift and handed it over, "Just a little something I saw upworld."

Lucas took it, curious. It wasn't big enough to be any sort of naked hologram, but not small enough to be a random trinket. He ripped off the paper, his fingers cramping already with the effort, and he was nearly in awe.

For the first time in the time Lucas had known Ben, the man had gotten him an honest to god gift that wasn't technology or music. It was a crystal dolphin, just the right size to fit into his palm. He rotated the creature and watched the lights refract color against his skin. "It's like a prism!" Lucas grinned, looking up at Ben.

"Thought you'd like it," Ben shrugged. "Anyway, how you doing? Lefty said goodbye to righty?"

Lucas made a face, "Ben..."

Krieg lost the amused look. "I'm sorry, kid. I'm kinda new to this whole thing." He moved closer to the bed, watching Lucas toy idly with the crystal dolphin. Ben had found the thing one morning in San Francisco, having been ejected from his sister's house after announcing he didn't care in the least about the funeral arrangements. So he had hunted the streets for something to bring Lucas.

He'd almost passed it by too; hidden behind several larger pieces, Ben had started to leave the store when he noticed it. It was perfect and simplistic, and the owner smiled brightly at him when he'd handed over the 150 credits. He had destroyed the receipt to ensure Lucas would never know.

"It's... hard to know you've got to worry about things like this, kid. God knows, I was more worried about girls when I was your age." Ben glanced away and then back at Lucas. "You're the bravest person I know and you're half my age."

"Thanks," Lucas whispered after a few minutes had passed. He was tempted to make some joke about death, considering Ben's sudden seriousness but Lucas stopped himself. Ben had candidly explained that his mother's death had made him rethink a lot of his life and relationships. He had admitted that when the senior staff had been informed that Lucas would be off the duty roster, his first feeling was helplessness – he couldn't fix cancer with a contact or computer chip.

"Just get better," Ben told him. "Get better quick. Getting in trouble with Katie on my own is not nearly as much fun."

Lucas nodded, "I'm working on it."

Ben disappeared without a word then, leaving Lucas to play with his new toy. The dolphin cast the entire room in color if he held it in the right position, but the smooth feeling of the crystal under his fingers was addictive and he let his fingers move along the side, the tail, the nose. It reminded him of Darwin and he smiled.

Kristin eventually walked in and began checking the monitors situated around him, noting something in his chart and putting it back. Leaning against the railing, she looked at the dolphin. "That's beautiful. Where did you get that?"

"Ben gave it to me," he handed it to her and watched as she took it with care. He sat back, pushing the empty box away. "I don't know where I'll put it. It'll probably get crushed by something in my room."

"I'm sure you'll find some place safe for it." She smiled at him as she handed it back. His fingers brushed over the tail, following the contours as if the dolphin were some sort of worry doll.

"Nathan was called to the bridge, something about the Amazonian Confederation," she told him. "He promised to be here when you wake up."

Lucas nodded. He'd been sure there would be some reason Nathan couldn't be there to see him into the surgery, but it didn't chaff like it had before. He figured it had to do with the conversation they'd had the previous day.

There had been questions Lucas didn't want to answer, but with his usual patience Nathan got Lucas to tell him about the work Lawrence had stolen from him, the insults and taunts both parents had thrown at him. The tales Lucas had told spoke of the horrors Nathan had only seen in war – broken bones that stuck from the skin, rashes and welts, bruises hidden beneath his beloved jerseys.

He'd told countless lies to cover injuries, but the lies wouldn't work with Bridger. He knew the truth and refused to let Lucas take any blame. Nathan had tempered any comments with gentle responses like, "You were the child. They were the ones who were wrong."

"Lucas?" Kristin called.

"Sorry, just thinking," he responded, scratching his belly. "Is this supposed to itch so much? Lucas had been keeping an eye on his incision; he was a little worried that it was taking so long to heal. Despite assurances that he would heal, it was just slowed down, Lucas still checked it everyday in the hopes he would wake and it would have disappeared.

"Yes," Kristin moved the blanket, "The new skin is coming in. About time, too. I was beginning to think we'd have to graft some skin over it."

Lucas looked at her, "Why would you have done that?" A bigger wound wouldn't have helped matters, at least in his mind.

"This isn't as small an incision as it looks, Lucas. It's only four inches wide, but we cut tissue and moved every organ on your pelvis to get the tumors. This hole in you goes all the way in and you don't need another staph infection," she told him as she checked the incision herself. Obviously pleased, she rearranged the blanket and asked about his nausea and fatigue.

"Then we're all set, then. Scared?" Kristin spoke after Lucas told her he was alright. She herself seemed worked up, as if she was the one about to go under the knife for the second time in less than a month.

He shook his head, "I'm okay. I mean I don't care that it's got to be taken, but what if it doesn't help?" The strength on his face was replaced by fear at the thought and Lucas looked down at the dolphin for a few seconds then back at her.

"It'll help. It's less cancer in your body that the chemo needs to fight," Kristin forced a smile on her face. It really didn't work like that, but her main goal since their discovery that the cancer had spread beyond his bones had been to keep Lucas' spirits up. She had absolutely no qualms telling a few white lies to do so.

Lucas nodded, "So who's the bearer of the knockout drugs today?"

Kristin clicked her tongue at him and rolled her eyes, "Dr. Brill will come in half an hour to get your anesthesia started. This surgery shouldn't take nearly as long as your last one, so we can hopefully have you settled in Nathan's quarters this evening."

"Why the Captain's quarters?" That hadn't been covered when Kristin and Abbott talked to him about what would happen during the operation. Lucas had assumed that when no mention was made of recovering outside of medbay, it had been because they were going to keep him for a few days.

"Well, we wanted you to stay but Nathan apparently is pulling the morning shift today and he has tomorrow off. He and Commander Ford traded off and Nathan is doing the graveyard shift on Saturday," she sighed, "which means he can keep an eye on you for today, tomorrow, and most of the day Saturday."

The news made Lucas smile and he put the dolphin aside as he began to talk with his hands more avidly than before. "So I can do a little work then? I mean he'll be there to make sure I don't over do it after all. I need Ben to bring a few things over."

"Oh, no you don't. You can have your computers and your work tomorrow. Not today. You didn't come out of your anesthesia normally last time since you were sick. I doubt when I come by to bring you both dinner, you'll be doing anything more than sleeping." Her look was sharp and Lucas pouted. She crossed her arms and leaned back, "That won't work. You forget I'm a mother. We're immune."

The mention of mothers threw Lucas off. He wasn't used to the image of mothers as caring people; granted he'd always known, even as a toddler, that his mother was different, Lucas had never made the connection between mothers and love. It was foreign, it was strange, and he stared at Kristin for a minute, before letting out a weak laugh, "Yeah. Forgot about that."

Kristin observed him with an alertness normally reserved for her work with deadly organisms. Lucas didn't seem to realize that his emotions had risen so close to the surface that they were playing across his face, a twisted medley. Anger and sadness, disgust, then guilt. "Lucas, what did I say?" she asked, knowing it had to have been something she did.

"Nothing. It's nothing." He shook his head, the sandy blond hair shifting around his eyes. He risked a glimpse at Kristin, whipping his head back when he felt the reply rise in his throat. Lies were easy and he tried to think of one she'd believe, but stopped. He couldn't do it – Lucas couldn't lie to Bridger and he couldn't lie to Westphalen either.

He finally drew his gaze back up from his fingers, "I was thinking about my mo... Cynthia."

"Oh. What about her?" Casual, as if Lucas would be more inclined to answer if she wasn't forceful.

"I guess I didn't associate you with being a mother before," he told her. "You're nice and I know... I mean, I understand moms are supposed to be nice, but it's still hard to understand, you know?"

Kristin felt her blood pressure rise, she saw red for a moment and then forced herself to calm. The idea that Lucas hadn't understood love or caring coming from a maternal place was upsetting because no child should have to grow up without that. Unfortunately, it was what Cynthia Wolenczak had done. She'd taken away the love Lucas needed to grow up happy and left him unable to make sense of any affection shown to him.

"Well, we'll see if I can't change your mind," Kristin told him, touching his hand and holding him close when Lucas reached for her. She stayed there with him in her arms, never moving, even after Lucas fell asleep.


	3. Chapter Three

"_Any man can be a father._

_It takes a special man to be a dad_."

- Anonymous -

When Lucas woke from the anesthesia the first time, he'd thrown up all over the Captain's uniform and gone back to sleep. He'd barely been awake long enough to feel the pain in his groin.

The second time he woke, Lucas was settled in Bridger's bed. He was dressed in a pair of thin flannel pajamas, the blanket kicked down to the edge of the bunk. It took a minute for him to work up enough saliva to wet his mouth and speak, "Captain?"

Nathan looked up from his desk chair where he'd been reading a book. The news was on the vidscreen and the quiet noise made Lucas wake up a little more. "Well, I was wondering if you'd wake up again tonight," Nathan commented as he stood, reaching for the glass of water on the shelf. He helped Lucas to sit up and take a few sips. "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy," Lucas responded. He felt the acid in his throat and swallowed thickly, trying to keep it back.

Nathan figured out what was going on three seconds before Lucas was sick, and moved out of the way just in time. He could rub Lucas' back from his position and calmly told him it was alright every time Lucas managed to get out an apology. When he got himself under control, he lingered, his face hanging over the side of the bed, until he worked up the energy to lay back.

"Will you be alright for a minute? I need to call medbay." Nathan immediately noticed the light in Lucas' eyes dull and realized he'd misspoken. "To come clean up, Lucas. I need them to come sanitize the floor."

"Oh. Okay," he muttered, closing his eyes which helped ease his dizziness. He waited until Nathan had his PAL to ask, "Could you maybe ask Dr. Westphalen for some Tylenol or something?"

Nathan nodded, "Well, you can't have Tylenol until your liver is better, but I'm sure she's got something for you. Is it aches, kiddo, or just a headache?"

"Everything hurts," his face twisted into a grimace. "My back, my head, my stomach." Lucas hoped he wouldn't be dragged back to medbay; he was comfortable in the Captain's bed and he was _warm_. He didn't want to move.

Walking slightly away from the bed, Nathan called Kristin and let her know Lucas had woken, that he needed her to send someone down to clean up and sanitize. "And Lucas is asking for medication. He says he hurts all over."

"I'll give Jenna and Karl something for you to give him. And Nathan, I don't want you to try to clean that floor. I know you'll want to help, but it'll just expose you to bacteria," she told him. Kristin had slipped into her doctor-mode, her tone inflecting authority - Nathan dare not cross her.

"I promise I won't try to clean the floor," he told her, a bit amused.

"Good. They'll be there in a few minutes." She was already giving orders as she turned her PAL off and Nathan turned to check on Lucas.

The boy was watching him, eyes dipping closed for a second and then snapping back open. Lucas hesitantly looked away, glancing down his covered body. It was as if he could look through the blankets and see the difference. Nathan patted his shoulder, "I'll go wait for them outside."

He stepped into the hallway, allowing Lucas to get used to the sight of his own body again. He made sure to stand with his head close to the glass, trying to ensure no one could look in and see Lucas even if Lucas was only looking. A few scientists walked past and stopped briefly to ask him a few questions when Jenna and Karl, Kristin's nurses, interrupted them and he sent the scientists on their way with a smile.

"Captain, Dr. Westphalen asked us to give these to you." Karl handed Nathan a small bottle of pills, a handwritten note taped around the container. "And we were told to ask if you had tried to clean."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "You can let Dr. Westphalen know that she doesn't need to read me the riot act."

The three stood there for a moment, the nurses a bit confused that they weren't brought into the man's quarters but they still waited. Nathan finally peeked into the room, unsurprised to see Lucas had fallen asleep. He was not in an indecent position and nothing was revealed, so he opened the door and brought them inside.

Neither Jenna nor Karl said anything as they set about doing their job. However, they each noted the way the Captain set about shifting Lucas into a more comfortable position, straightening the blankets, moving the trash bin closer.

They finished quickly and moved to let themselves out. "Good night, sir."

Nodding his farewell, Nathan didn't leave Lucas' side. The boy had no fever, luckily, but his body was taut with tension, as if the pain would increase if he relaxed. Nathan finally shook Lucas awake. "Hey, kiddo. Sorry, but I have some pills I want you to take. Think you can sit up for a few minutes?"

Lucas shook his head. There was no way he could move; the thought alone made his head hurt more than it already did.

"Alright," Bridger re-read the note and shook two pills into his hand. He put the bottle on the shelf, handed the pills to Lucas and grabbed the glass of water. He waited until Lucas had slid the pills in his mouth before putting a hand under Lucas' head and tilting it up, helping the boy to take a drink. "Good?" he asked once Lucas was settled.

"Yeah, thank you," Lucas replied. He ignored the dull ache between his eyes and hoped the medication would kick in soon. He groaned and rode through another wave of nausea. "It wasn't like this the last time."

"You weren't lucid enough when anesthesia wore off last time, Lucas. You were still unconscious when the fever developed and Kristin had you medicated before you even started to come around. At that point, you probably wouldn't have noticed if Darwin walked in and started singing," Nathan smirked and pushed Lucas' hair out of his eyes. "Go back to sleep. I'm going to read more of my book."

Lucas didn't argue, simply nodded once and closed his eyes. He was asleep in minutes.

Nathan regarded Lucas as he laid there. The innocence on Lucas' face, something once believable and a constant, had a new context to it and Bridger wondered if there was ever true innocence in Lucas' life.

The serious blue eyes were hidden beneath his eyelids. Though Lucas laughed more often than he had when he'd first come aboard, even Ben had noticed how it never quite reached Lucas' eyes. They were always hard, dull -- aged, as if he'd known more than his years. Nathan had once attributed that to Lucas' brilliance and experiences, but knew now that he was way out in left field.

Lucas turned in his sleep, spreading out and murmuring quietly. There was nothing intelligible, but Nathan listened anyway. He was prepared to wake Lucas from any nightmares and comfort him from the demons. Lucas, however, never became agitated enough to warrant and interruption in his much needed rest, a fact which Nathan was grateful for.

Nathan moved back to his chair, sliding into it and picking up his book wanting to be done with chapter seven before Lucas woke again. Of course, he figured he'd be done with chapter twelve by the time Lucas decided to mosey on back to the world of the living, but Lucas was unpredictable at the best of times.

He flipped to the page he'd left off on, reading over the next paragraph before his PAL beeped. He got up and left the room to answer it. "Bridger," he responded.

"Sir, we have an incoming message from Secretary Noyce," Hitchcock told him. "He says he needs to speak with you immediately."

"Put him through to the ward room," Nathan told her before he crossed the hall. Bill was already waiting for him, looking distant, his chin resting on one hand. The man was at home, dressed down, and holding several pieces of paper in his other hand though he wasn't looking at them.

Nathan immediately started to worry.

"What is it, Bill?" he asked, startling the man from his reverie. As Noyce choked and shifted, reassembling himself into some form of professionalism, Nathan became certain he wasn't going to like whatever it was Bill had to say.

"I've been waiting for this news for a week," he started. "Nathan, I tried everything I could to stop this and I'm still trying, but I don't..."

"Bill!" Bridger interrupted, "just tell me."

"The leadership is concerned. They think that between the trial and Lucas' health, the crew is more focused on him than their duty," He held up a hand to forestall Nathan's rant. "I've managed to convince a few people that they're all doing the best job they can under the circumstances, but if they won't relent, Lucas will have be offloaded."

"What?" Nathan's eyes darkened with his barely-controlled rage. "He's got cancer, Bill! Not a goddamn cold. Kristin isn't letting him to the labs or the seadeck or even his own quarters. She sure as hell isn't going to let him get off the boat."

"I know, but if I can't convince the leadership, then either he's sent upworld or seaQuest is pulled from active duty. I doubt I could convince any of them to do that."

Nathan stopped himself from yelling. No, they couldn't convince the heads of the UEO's member confederations to let seaQuest be taken out of active duty, but there was something they could do that would be easy enough. "Repairs," he muttered.

"What?" Noyce looked at him, trying to gauge whether or not Nathan had lost his sanity. It wasn't often that the man went from livid to calm in less than a minute. In fact, Bill couldn't think of an instance when that had happened at all.

"Repairs, Bill. SeaQuest has been overdue for repairs. We can dock for repairs and give the crew time off. SeaQuest is still in commission, crew gets to rest, and Kristin can still access medbay for his treatments" He smiled when Noyce's eyes lit -- the other man obviously hadn't thought of it either.

"This could work. I have Commander Hitchcock's last report around here somewhere..." The Admiral hunted through the papers on his desk, coming up with a single sheet. Nathan knew how long Hitchcock had recommended for all the repairs to be done and hoped four months would be enough.

They said their goodbyes and Nathan went back to his quarters. Lucas was still asleep, though the boy was definitely having a nightmare. He shook Lucas' shoulder, waking him just enough to realize he'd been dreaming before nodded off again.

Nathan nearly missed what Lucas whispered as he fell back to sleep, and he couldn't stop the smile that grew. He reached over, pulling the blanket up and tucking it around Lucas.

"Goodnight, son."

"_A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,_

_and one of the best things you can be_."

- Douglas Pagels -

Kristin had not been happy when Nathan told her that seaQuest would be docking for repairs. She did not like the idea of Lucas being sent onto land without his doctors or a break in his treatment. Nathan had barely managed to tell her that access to the boat wasn't being cut off completely.

However, telling the good doctor about the plan was a great deal easier than telling the rest of his senior staff. Ben was outraged and Jonathan, who'd grown affectionate toward Lucas as the months had worn on, just about jumped out of his skin, though he said nothing aloud.

Katie Hitchcock had been the only one to not seem angry, her face an odd mixture of gladness and annoyance. He was sure he knew why and didn't need to ask. Instead, Nathan focused on Miguel and Tim who had chosen to sit at opposite ends of the table from each other. He wanted to ask about the tension between them, but didn't. Instead, he asked if they were alright with his decision; if they had any objections.

"No, sir," they echoed, and Bridger nodded as his senior staff continued to watch him. He really was proud of his crew; he'd had none better and truthfully, he hoped that it never changed.

"So we'll dock in three days. Chief, I need you to ensure that your security has shifts aboard -- teams of ten, two week rotations -- or else the UEO will put their own on the boat. We need to ensure that Lucas and Dr. Westphalen have access to seaQuest," Nathan instructed, glancing at the rest of his command staff. "What I'm about to ask of you all is not something I'm asking lightly. If you object, there will be no retribution or guilt. I'm asking as a friend."

The group nodded collectively, waiting for the Captain to continue. He was certain that if he'd asked them to dance a jig at that moment they all would have.

"Lucas did not take this news well. To him, seaQuest is home and right now, home is where he needs to be to keep his health up. Since I can't keep him here while he's undergoing treatment, Kristin and I are renting a house. Ben has already agreed to stay nearby, but I was hoping I could convince the rest of you to at least stay in Hawaii. He won't be strong enough to be outdoors every day, but there's no way either Kristin or I can be there all the time. He's going to need friends to come by and entertain him."

There were mutters and quick looks between each other. Crocker nodded mournfully and Nathan wished he could talk to the man's soon-to-be-ex-wife, but it would do little. He wondered if the impromptu vacation would entice the Chief to stay on for another tour.

"I can't stay the entire time, sir, but I'll stay as long as I can," Katie told him and one by one all said the same. They were nearly done working out where Nathan would be staying in relation to distance from seaQuest's dock and the better hotels when Lucas appeared, leaning heavily on the doorframe.

He looked tired and pale, but they'd all learned that he would ask for help when he needed it. Lucas had made that clear to each of them, telling every last member of the crew that he had to do it on his own. Nathan still thought Lucas was just being stubborn, but the stubbornness was keeping him alive, so he didn't argue too much.

"Lucas," Bridger greeted as he moved toward him, ready to swoop in if the boy started to fall. He stood by as Lucas moved and settled himself at the table, looking around with eyes that were keenly aware of what was going on.

The boy looked down at his hands and then back up, hesitant to speak. "I want to drop the case. I'm going to... I'll leave seaQuest."

Nathan stared at him. "Lucas, what's going on?" Lucas hadn't spoken that way the other night. When Nathan had told him it was dock or be sent upworld, Lucas had gone for the former, pleading that he not be sent away. Nathan had promised he wouldn't be and now Lucas was sitting there, asking to be taken off the boat?

Something was definitely wrong. Ben had a suspicion that one of Lucas' parents had said something to him, despite the restraining order that accompanied child abuse accusations.

"It'll be easier for everybody. I'll go away and everything will be back to normal," he said, refusing to make eye contact with Nathan, though he looked at Tim without so much as blinking.

It wasn't Bridger or Krieg who spoke first, or any of the men in the room for that matter -- it was Lt. Commander Hitchcock. "We needed to go in for these repairs, Lucas," she said truthfully. "I've been keeping seaQuest running for months now on parts that need replacing. She may seem like a perfect boat, but the size of her makes certain things break down faster." She paused and smiled at him, "You just made it so the UEO'd finally get off their asses and give us the time to do it. We should be thanking you."

Lucas gaped at her for a minute, trying to think up another argument but couldn't make his lips work to say what he needed. Katie had a point and he glanced around the table. He put a hand on the wood, uncurling the fist and letting a small piece of paper fall. It was crumpled and a little sweaty. Nathan picked it up, smoothing out the paper.

The writing was feminine, cursive and flowing. In some ways it reminded Nathan of Kristin's handwriting, only he knew Kristin would never threaten Lucas' life. The violence she had directed at the boy made Nathan shudder and he slid into the chair next to Lucas. "You understand that this isn't going to happen? I won't let her get within a hundred yards of you, let alone close enough to hurt you."

The blue eyes clouded, but Lucas nodded. He knew the Captain would do everything to protect him -- even giving up his own life and Lucas had promised himself that he'd never let that happen. He'd rather be taken back to the hell of his parents' home than allow the man to sacrifice himself.

"Okay, so... Do you still want to be sent upworld or do you want to spend the next four months hanging out with your friends on a beach?" Nathan asked as he placed the note into a folder on the table.

Lucas merely nodded at him. "Beach."

"_Thinking is like loving or dying._

_Each of us must do it for ourselves_."

- Josiah Royce -

It took three days for seaQuest to arrive in Hawaii. They'd finished up some experiments on the journey, moving slowly from one side of the world to the other.

Lucas spent the entire time in Bridger's quarters, quiet and withdrawn. Ben and Miguel tried to draw him out of the room, but Lucas never went a few feet from the door before he turned around and went back. After their fourth attempt, they finally accepted that Lucas was not up to going far and let it drop. They brought him work instead and he did some programming when no one was around.

For the most part, though, Lucas slept the entire way to Hawaii. Nathan always returned to his quarters to find the boy curled under the covers, the trash bin at the side needing to be emptied. It had become routine for Nathan to dump the bin and do a bit of cleaning before slipping into the bed beside Lucas and getting comfortable. He'd read some book or another until Lucas woke and he could get the boy to eat something, which was usually thrown up half an hour later.

Lucas' poor mood was only exacerbated when Nathan brought him down to his quarters and asked him what needed to be packed. Not used to the assistance, Lucas was agitated by someone moving his things around and lashed out several times until all his gear was packed. With clothing, however, Lucas had been much better and actually allowed himself a smile.

Nathan had hoped the sunlight and fresh air would help Lucas' mood swings, but as they'd exited their launch and moved onto the warm, wooden walk way, Lucas lost his footing and went down hard. He'd cried out from the pain as he landed and scraped both hands, cursing even when Nathan helped him up.

Kristin muttered something about wheelchairs and the entire senior staff had ended up following them for the ten minute drive to the house they'd rented.

Larger than most other houses in the state, the property was known as the Riddley Estate. The beautiful exterior of the house, built only a few years before, made the place feel timeless and welcoming. Nathan had told Lucas during the process of booking that the building had 24 rooms; plenty of space for all of them to spread out and (he'd admitted later) for the crew to stay.

Of course none of the crew had known that part though they'd been aware of the extravagance of the place the Captain had rented. They'd each reserved rooms in various hotels and regretted that choice. Katie was the first to ask if they'd mind her bunking with them; the others waited a little longer, seeing the inside first before asking.

"I don't mind at all. Kristin, Lucas? Any objections?" Nathan asked the two and grinned when Lucas smiled brightly. He wasn't going to object. Not at all.

"Ben, I expect that you and Lucas will try to stay out of trouble," Kristin's caveat made several people snort and Lucas laugh outright. It was a brief reprieve from his anger and sadness.

That night it was back.

Nathan had unpacked his things for him, helping Lucas change into pajamas and get settled into bed despite the boy's protests.

"I'm not tired, Captain," Lucas whined. It was the first time in weeks he had energy and he wanted to stay up.

"Well, you may not be tired but the rest of us are. Just humor me, kiddo. We've all got a long day tomorrow. Kristin, Abbott, and Jessie have to go down to UEO headquarters and argue for space in their med section on the off-chance you'll need immediate medical care and seaQuest isn't the best option. Plus, I've got to go deal with the lawyers," he responded. It was the mention of the lawyers that made Lucas still.

He knew that now that they were upworld, the trial was going to become everyone's main focus. They would have to begin finalizing things like witness lists, questions, affidavits… Lucas felt his stomach turn. He wished vehemently that he could fast forward time and get it over with.

Lucas reached for the Captain, feeling all of four years old as he hugged the older man. Once he had a decent grip on his emotions, he pulled away. He wanted to believe he was stronger, but the reality was he felt raw and bitter. For the first time in his life, Lucas felt anger towards his parents for what they'd done to him.

"They didn't have the right," he muttered, "I was little and they were supposed to love me."

Nathan sighed with relief. There had been a fear in him that Lucas would never grasp that he'd not been responsible for his parents' actions, but Lucas' words were sharp. They were genuine and Nathan told him, "They were, but they didn't and I'm sorry about that, Lucas." He smiled softly, "I love you though. You know that, right? And Kristin does, too."

He nodded and smiled back "Yeah."

"So go to sleep and don't worry. We'll get all this figured out," Nathan soothed, knowing Lucas was still thinking of the lawyers. The boy was rightfully worried at the thought, knowing the Wolenczaks had some of the best lawyers in the world. However, no one but Bill and Nathan knew that the UEO judge was Barrett Cale – the Barrett Cale who detested child abusers and had convicted every guilty party that had come before him.

Lucas closed his eyes in an effort to sleep and listened as Nathan walked to the door. He steeled his nerves, opening his eyes again and catching the man's gaze. "Good… good night, dad."

"Good night, son," Nathan said as if it were old hat between them to say such things and Lucas felt his chest tighten with emotion.

It was the best he'd felt in a long time.

But he still couldn't sleep and Lucas rolled out of bed after a few hours, listening in case anyone else was up. When he heard no footfalls elsewhere in the vicinity, Lucas slipped from his room and then carefully made his way down the stairs. He reached the bottom and heard a television. He followed the noise and was completely unsurprised to find Ben watching infomercials, his credit cards in hand.

"That stuff never works," Lucas told him, one side of his mouth curved up. He wanted to point out that buying Katie things from a commercial wasn't going to bring her back to him, but Lucas knew how Ben felt about the woman and chose to keep quiet.

Krieg, though, was startled by the sudden intrusion of someone into his solitude. He was up in an instant, trying to hide the cards in his pockets and stared at Lucas. "Yeah, I... What's the matter with your face?"

Before Lucas could answer that nothing was wrong with his face, Ben was bounding up the stairs and knocking on Kristin's bedroom door. The Captain's opened instead, revealing Kristin sleeping peacefully in his bed. "What, Ben?"

"Lucas... His face. Cap, he looks like he's had a stroke." Ben's voice quivered as a picture of his mother at the end surfaced in his mind. He shook it off, but the fear was still there and he watched as Bridger woke the woman.

All she'd had to hear was Lucas' name in conjunction with face and stroke and Kristin flew down the stairs. Later, when things had calmed down, she wasn't able to recall if she'd even touched a step in her flurry to get to Lucas.

For his part, the boy was shocked by the hullabaloo. The left side of his face felt weird, but it didn't hurt. What was annoying was how much energy it suddenly took for him to enunciate words. Kristin, of course, was worried which in turned caused Lucas to worry that maybe the weirdness and the speech thing were something bad.

"Bell's Palsy," Kristin finally said. "Lucas, this side of your face is drooping down, okay? Ben thought you'd had a stroke, but it's a disease called Bell's Palsy. It's not fatal, but it's going to be a pain in the neck for a while and we'll have to get an official diagnosis, but the good thing it doesn't look severe." She smiled at him. "Eventually your face will go back to normal with some exercises and care. No scars."

He smiled back, "I'll have to settle for the tattoo then."

Nathan groaned at the joke, rolling his eyes and herding his people back to bed. All had woken from the noise of people slamming their way down the stairs, but none were truly awake enough to realize what was going on except for Ben, and Nathan ensured the lieutenant was in his room before going back down to Kristin and Lucas.

He was nearly into the living room when he heard the quiet talk between the two. Nathan knew he should have made his presence known, walked in – done something besides eavesdrop on their conversation. Only he didn't and Nathan felt no ounce of guilt for it.

"...is a good man. He's not going to let you go too easily, young man. No matter how much trouble you get into," Kristin reasoned. She knew what was driving Nathan to help Lucas, and it was not a need to replace Robert in his life. It was something deeper, something far more paternal than he'd had with his own son.

Lucas, however, sounded forlorn and depressed. Nathan didn't like those feelings coming from the boy, but he knew there was no going around them. Lucas spoke truthfully and Nathan finally understood the boy's fears. "But all this... He'll waste so much money on me, and what if it's all for nothing? There's no guarantee I'll still be alive in a year. If he sacrifices everything for me and I die, then it's been for nothing. I can't let him do that."

"Yes, you can. Lucas, he isn't doing this out of some misplaced want to be a superhero. He cares about you; he wants you safe." She paused and Nathan looked down at his toes. He knew without a doubt what she was going to say and he applauded her silently for saying what he couldn't. "Nathan wasn't going to stay on the seaQuest," she told him and Lucas drew in a breath. "He and Admiral Noyce had been talking about a replacement when Zeller got loose on the ship and he stayed because of you, Lucas. He saw how much you cared for Darwin, how you listened to him, and you helped him start to heal. That's why he stayed."

Lucas was quiet and Nathan peeked around the doorway to see what was happening, finally deciding to let them know he was there. Kristin had Lucas close, arms around the boy's neck as he leaned against her, and Nathan pursed his lips at the small amount of tension he could see thrumming through Lucas.

Despite it all, Lucas still could not comprehend that he was worth the sacrifices and the fights. He was worth every penny Nathan had to spend on a legal team, the tears, and the worries.

Kristin felt the air change and helped Lucas to sit, passing a look to Nathan that told him to not push it, though she was sure it was a futile attempt. "He's just a boy, Nathan," she reminded him as if he wasn't already aware of Lucas' age.

She was gone for no less than a few seconds when Lucas asked him, "Did you really stay because of me?"

"Yes," Nathan nodded without hesitation.

"Oh," Lucas ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know what he could say to that, how he could convey the gratitude he'd felt that Nathan hadn't abandoned him like so many before. Lucas finally spoke a few minutes later, his tone tired. "If they try to hurt me, let them."

"I won't do that," Nathan responded.

Lucas looked up from his hands and told him, "If they hurt you, I'll have nothing left."

"You'll have plenty because I don't intend to let them win, Lucas. You don't let them either. Cynthia's threat was all talk. For her to do what that letter said she'd have to have an ally and there's no one in this house that would help her." Bridger's hands trembled just a little and he yawned involuntarily.

Yawning as well, Lucas shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly admitted, "I haven't gotten any sleep yet."

Nathan nodded and took him back to his room, getting Lucas into bed and settling in next to him. "I'll stay until you're asleep, alright?"

Kristin found them the next morning, Lucas's head pillowed on the Captain's thigh and Nathan half hanging off the bed.

"_Here is the test to determine whether_

_your mission on earth is finished._

_If you're alive, it isn't_."

- Richard Bach -

Barrett Cale's daughter, Ginny, had been a friend of Robert's when they were small. A delicate girl who'd known at the age of three what it meant when her parents divorced, Nathan had taken a shine to her. It was he who'd turned in the girl's stepfather for abuse when Ginny was seven.

It was that which the UEO took exception to and Nathan reluctantly agreed to not go to trial proceedings. He was not happy about the idea of Lucas being apart from him, but he understood why he couldn't be. The media could play it as favoritism and Lucas would be lost in the frenzy.

Dropping Lucas and Kristin there on the first day had not been easy. Nathan and Katie had both had to restrain Ben from getting in the car when Lucas started to get upset, and the fact that Lucas had had to have a treatment that morning had not helped matters. Lucas threw up twice on the way there and when Kristin finally called four hours later to tell them they were done for the day, Nathan was at headquarters in five minutes.

"How'd we do?" Nathan asked as soon as Lucas was in the car and out of earshot. Ben had accompanied him on the drive back and kept the boy distracted while Nathan and Kristin conversed.

"Alright, I think. Judge Cale seemed a little upset that we hadn't told him before that Lucas was undergoing the chemotherapy, but it was directed at the Wolenczaks mostly. I think he was mad that Lucas has been forced to come in for the proceedings when he could be resting." She smiled a little. Barrett had been more than mad; he'd had a few choice words for the defense team.

"So we're doing well," Nathan nodded.

"That we are," she responded as she gestured toward the car. Lucas had thrown up once more before the trial began and luckily his anti-emetics had held out long enough for him to do so only once more. The boy had dry heaved, however, while they'd waited for Nathan to get there. She had to get something into his stomach before he went through another bout. "Lucas asked for a cheeseburger. I told him if he wants one he's to have one from a place that doesn't fry everything in oil."

"How about something better?" He noted her skeptical reaction. Nathan knew Kristin was more concerned with getting Lucas to eat than what he ate in particular, so long as Lucas wasn't going to immediately get sick. Truth be told, it was on his mind, too. But he'd remembered not long before about a restaurant Nathan had promised to take Lucas to the next time they were around Hawaii.

He told Kristin how he'd taken it upon himself to make reservations, thinking the fun of the place which catered to surfers would amuse Lucas and perhaps entice him to eat something. Nathan hadn't realized Lucas had admitted he was hungry and was smiling at the news.

Kristin burst that bubble. "I wish we could take him there, but his immune system is nearly decimated. I was planning to stop and go in myself to get him something to eat so I could bring him back to the house," she told him. "I need to keep him in as sterile an environment as I can. Abbott and Jessie will have my head if he gets any sicker than he is and I'm sure they'll start yelling at whoever will listen as well." She sighed. "Come on. Let's go get McDonalds or something equally disgusting."

Nathan smiled, imagining Ben reminiscing about the days when a McDonalds' burger had beef in it. "Alright," he nodded and smiled, telling her, "You get to tell them." He shut the door before she could reply and by the time he'd rounded the car to get in, he could already hear Ben going on.

"Beef, junior, it's the proper way to have a burger. I can remember a perfectly done Big Mac with..."

"Meat that's been outlawed," Lucas cut him off. "I'm good with the fake stuff, Ben. It's healthier." Despite Lucas' preference toward junk, he had told Kristin on several occasions that he ate it knowing that he was balancing it out with the food provided in the mess.

Ben shrugged. "Kids these days. No wonder you're such a twig, kid. Need a good couple of meals, real gut fillers."

"I'm not thin because I eat healthier foods than you did at my age," Lucas spat than looked away. The air in the car grew tense and Lucas spoke again without looking up from his hands, "I'm thin because I've got cancer, Ben."

Everyone was silent.

Lucas had not called his illness by name at all since he was told he had it. While he'd talked about the chemo, the surgeries, and everything else that accompanied it, he had not given voice to it. Not within their earshot at least.

Nathan pulled over suddenly, turning around in his seat once the car was in park, and looked at the two in the backseat. "Lucas?" He could see Lucas eyeing Ben, sizing up the man in a way he never had before. Nathan knew Lucas was about to say something the boy was worried Ben could misunderstand. "Lucas, just say it. It's alright."

Blinking, Lucas curled in on himself a little. Kristin had to stop herself from reaching for the boy; forced herself to not question Bridger.

It took several minutes for Lucas to articulate what he wanted to say, but his tongue felt two sizes too big in his mouth and he stuttered through it. "I... I mean." He paused there, breathing against the rising panic attack. When the anxiety passed, he continued in one sentence. "I'm going to die."

Kristin opposed that immediately, putting all the belief and strength she could put into her voice. "No! Lucas, I know it seems like all you keep getting is bad news, but you _are_ getting better. Your cell counts are looking better every time we check. You just have to hold out a little longer."

Skepticism colored his features and Lucas glanced at the Captain, begging him to understand what he was saying. To understand what he wasn't saying.

Nathan looked at Kristin and Ben. "Lucas and I need to have a little chat." He settled himself back at the wheel and pulled on to the road. The house wasn't that far and Kristin and Ben were out of the car in less than ten minutes. Lucas switched himself to the front seat.

They were completely and comfortably silent as Nathan drove, going deeper into O'ahu. Pearl Harbor disappeared behind them and it was nearly an hour before the car came to a stop, the setting sun coloring the land vibrant shades of yellow, orange, and red. It was beautiful and Lucas hated it. "Where are we?"

"Mokule'ia. Other side of the island. I'd take us farther up but we'd get back pretty late and Kristin would not be happy." Nathan never looked at Lucas. He watched the water churn below them, the ocean glistening like a cheesy postcard. It was as close to the water as he could get without letting Lucas in it. He hoped the ocean would ease Lucas' nerves, as it usually did.

But Lucas wasn't to be calmed by the sight of the water. He glanced over at Bridger. "You said to tell you if I felt like giving up."

Nathan nodded, shifting in the seat to look at the boy. "Because of the trial or because you don't want to be sick anymore?" He needed to know if there was a specific reason, though he doubted that was the case. Lucas wasn't a normal kid and his emotional issues were not simple.

"Because of everything," he replied. He scratched at his arm idly and looked forward. The rippling of the tide was hypnotic and he tried to imagine Darwin exploring the waters, but instead he thought about never seeing the dolphin again. "It's too much. I've never been the center of attention before. At Stanford, I was only noticed by my professors. Everyone else was too busy drinking or having sex to care about what the kid was doing."

Lucas turned and began to gesture with his hands. "On seaQuest, I mean I know everyone is aware of me, but it's not like 'oh look, there goes the genius kid.' Now everybody is watching me. And there's the trial. And I hurt everywhere all the time. It hurts just to go to the bathroom. I know if I want to live, this is what I have to do but I don't think it's worth it anymore."

Looking at him critically, Nathan noted the trembling in Lucas' hands, the fear in his eyes and a tiredness that emanated from the boy. Lucas' face was still drooped on one side, though he had started the exercises that would help that, and he was constantly picking at his pant's waistband. He'd never been a fidgety person before, but Lucas could no longer sit still for longer than a few minutes.

"Well, kiddo, what do you want to do then?" Nathan asked, genuinely wanting to know. "We can't drop the charges, but we could try to settle. I can see about easing down your treatment, but we have Kristin to contend with."

"I don't know. I just... I want it to stop," Lucas admitted. His voice cracked and he felt the tears well up. "And I'm tired of this! God..." He wiped angrily at his eyes, nearly scratching his cheek in the process and he bit down on his tongue to avoid losing control.

"Hey, tears are good. Remember that," Nathan prodded. "Why do you want it to stop, Lucas? I need to know, pal. What is it you haven't told me?"

Lucas shrugged. "Everyone says they know what's best for me. They don't let me say anything, just assume that I'd go along with them and I'm not a kid! I was talking in full sentences by the time I was a year and a half old – I can talk for myself." He was clearly pissed off by the end and Nathan could understand why.

Nathan had tried since becoming Lucas' guardian to let Lucas make decisions about his medical care and the case, but there were still instances where he'd made the choice before Lucas even knew there'd been one to make. Kristin, Abbott, and Jessie had taken on more pro-active roles in his care as they tried to keep him alive.

The command staff had become babysitters and Nathan could just imagine Lucas and Jonathan going head to head over something like swimming.

"Well that I can help with. I'll talk to the doctors in the morning; let them know you need to be informed about all decisions, alright?" He started, adding a few seconds later, "And I'll tell Ben he needs to pass the word around that you're not going to break. Hopefully that will help."

"Thanks," Lucas mumbled.

"And I want you to promise me something else."

Lucas looked at the Captain. He'd already made so many promises to the man, so many agreements with Bridger and he wondered what deal there was left to make. "What?" he asked, his shoulders slumped back as he finally relaxed.

Nathan reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper. "I've been walking around with this for a while now. Kristin apparently decided I needed a picture to remind me that, even when I want to stop all of this for you, we're doing the right thing." Unfolded it, and it was indeed a picture, worn though definitely new. It looked to not be more than a few weeks old judging by the state of Lucas' body.

He took it and fingered the worn edges, the crease lines. It was something Nathan had clearly looked at over and over. A few drops of coffee had discolored a section and Lucas looked at Nathan for some sort of clue as to what was going on.

"You're the best, kiddo. Promise me you'll remember that," Nathan didn't-quite-ask him, taking back the picture and putting it safely away in his pocket.

"Do you carry other pictures?" Lucas wanted to know -- he needed to know if Nathan had more. If he did, if Lucas was just one of a dozen pictures the man carried, it wouldn't make him any more special. It would only mean the Captain was trying to manipulate him by using guilt, a technique his father had been skilled in.

Nathan shook his head. "This is the only one."

Lucas stopped. He was expecting a yes, that Nathan would have pictures of Carol and Robert in the very least. He blinked, trying to let the knowledge sink in. The captain of the seaQuest, the UEO's flagship, carried only one picture and it was of him? His own parents had never carried any pictures of him or even had one in the house when he was growing up.

"Lucas?"

The car was suffocating. He couldn't breathe; he needed air, so he jumped out, running for the shoreline. He stomped into the water even though he knew he was scaring the hell out of Nathan, but the rush of the water as it rolled past his legs was cleansing. It was freeing and he stopped when he was nearly thigh-deep.

Not at all surprised when a hand clamped around his arm, Lucas said nothing in apology or to acknowledge Bridger's presence. They stood quietly for a few minutes, absorbing the calm of the water, and when Lucas spoke he told Nathan, "I've never been someone's son before. I've been their kid, but not their child."

The distinction made, Nathan pulled Lucas closer. "You'll get used to it."


	4. Chapter Four

"_Law controls the lesser man._

_Right conduct controls the greater one_."

- Mark Twain -

The second day of the trial, Nathan got a phone call from Lucas during the recess. He'd hidden himself in the bathroom with Kristin's PAL. His voice wavered slightly as he tried to talk to Nathan quietly yet still loud enough to be heard above the din of a public restroom. He wasn't at all happy and was hurt at the allegations the defense was putting out – that Lucas was angry about being put on the seaQuest; that Lucas was a child with known behavioral problems.

Nathan wished he could be there and his heart broke when Lucas began to retch, his stomach upset from stress and his body exhausted. Lucas shouldn't have to be alone; Nathan hated it. He was helpless to protect the boy, despite his assurances that he would do so. That left an acrid taste in his mouth.

"I know it's hard, pal, but it's what we've got to do." Nathan made sure to not mention that he still hadn't let go of the idea of taking Lucas and going into hiding if they lost the case, but he didn't think it would come to that. That morning, when Nathan had talked to the lawyers, they'd mentioned the Wolenczaks had already tried to make a bargain.

Lucas didn't speak for a moment, then said, "There's an ulcer on the roof of my mouth and it hurts."

"Tell Kristin. She's been walking around for a while with medication that's supposed to help that," Nathan responded automatically after his tongue had reflexively licked the roof of his own mouth. He heard someone knock on the door and then a gentleman call Lucas' name. "Lucas, answer Peter."

Reluctantly Lucas did so, though he did not turn off the PAL and Nathan could hear as he and Peter Donovan conversed. Someone else joined them, a woman whom Nathan assumed was Ashlinn, the man's partner, and there was mention of stands and testifying.

"Lucas! Let me talk to Peter," he half-shouted to be heard and he knew Lucas had been startled. The plastic sound of the PAL being dropped was a dead giveaway, but it was quickly retrieved and once Peter had taken it, Nathan spoke. "I thought he wasn't going to have to testify until the end."

"He isn't, but the defense just offered up a new witness list to Judge Cale with your name on it. They're going to try to discredit Lucas through you and we're trying to determine the best way around that. If they bring you in and it comes out that you and Cale have background, they're going to move to have the case acquitted or for his removal. I'd really prefer to go around that if possible," Peter responded. He was clearly not happy and he hadn't been with Nathan for several days.

"I haven't spoken to the man in more than 20 years!" Nathan told him.

"That's not going to matter in court! They care that the judge could have favoritism for either the defense or the prosecution." Peter was not going to be swayed. Bridger may be one of his favored clients as the man was normally levelheaded and logical, but for the first time in the years he'd known Nathan, he was royally ticked at the man. "I should have known from the start that you had a prior relationship with him. The witness list will be rejected because that was supposed to be turned in days ago, but just because they're sloppy doesn't mean they wouldn't win an appeal over this."

Nathan paused and once he had calmed down, he asked, "So what do we do then? Admiral Noyce had to fight to get the trial here."

"We are doing nothing. _I_ am going to talk to Cale after this and then we're going to call the Judge Advocate General and discuss what would be the best course of action since Lucas and his parents are government employees. It's entirely likely that she will send out one of her people to take over."

"But..."

Peter stopped him. "No buts. Don't push it, Nathan." He didn't have a chance to continue. The recess ended and the PAL was turned off without so much as a goodbye from anyone.

Bridger spent the next few hours at seaQuest, letting himself get absorbed into his work and ignored the nagging feeling in his gut. He didn't like that he may have fucked things up and certainly not that he could have made it easy for the Wolenczaks to win an appeal. He truly hadn't seen Barrett in years and though they had kept in touch via their children, there was never any direct communication.

He grew frustrated with the section of pipe that refused to come down from the ceiling and he whacked it angrily. The wrench whipped back, hitting him squarely in the head, but he managed to restrain himself from screaming out obscenities. It would not do for the Captain to get angry at his own boat.

"Sir? Are you alright?" A small woman dressed in blue asked. He recognized her as a recent recruit, someone Kristin had brought on a little before Lucas got sick.

Nathan glanced at her name badge and touched his hairline, feeling blood. "I'm fine, Dr. Blair. Just got a little fed up with seaQuest's refusal to let me get into the wiring."

She smiled, "Yes, sir." She reached into a pocket, drawing out a note. "Commander Ford asked me to bring this to you and Lt. Commander Hitchcock said you should go home." Blair wore an amused smile, obviously someone who'd already grasped the relationship between himself and his senior staff.

"Thank you," he grinned back, unfolding the note as she walked away. Peter had called, but without Lucas' guardian present, the lawyer could not tell Jonathan anything. Nathan passed on his job to a seaman before walking away. He stopped in the ward room on his way out, dialing the estate and was unsurprised when Lucas answered.

"Hello," he greeted, wishing they'd not removed all the chairs. His feet were killing him and his back was sore from trying to work with pipe that was literally over his head.

"Ben drives a car like he drives a launch!" Lucas immediately complained, smirking. Nathan could hear Krieg screaming from somewhere beyond the reach of the screen which made him laugh.

"Well, I'll make sure I'm there to pick you up from now on," he nodded. "Where's Kristin?"

"She's cooking," Lucas shrugged with a distinct lack of enthusiasm, and Nathan figured he knew what conversation had taken place before Kristin decided to try her hand at making their evening meal. Lucas grimaced when Nathan asked if he'd tried anything yet. "She keeps demanding I come taste everything," Lucas told him and on cue Kristin yelled for Lucas.

Nathan gestured, "Go on, kiddo. I'll be there soon and then you can escape to the safety of your room while she tests her recipes on me."

Lucas looked grateful for that and his eyes lit in a way they only did when he was being mischievous. It was a glint of trouble, but with Lucas it meant life, so he waved the boy away and ended the connection.

"_One may go a long way_

_after one is tired_."

- French Proverb -

By the end of their second week in court, Cale had been replaced by JAG's Admiral Martavianne and Lucas had been sentenced to bed rest. The breaks in treatment had given him a reprieve on the affects, but once back on a regular schedule, Lucas was hit hard. He was back to his former state, throwing up regularly unless medicated and exhausted.

Food was once again a battle. Kristin had offered him so many different kinds of junk food, trying to entice him to eat anything but he refused. Nathan had admitted later to Kristin that he'd thought several times about force-feeding Lucas, but in the end the feeding tube had been much more effective.

The war over eating was welcomed by both Nathan and Kristin however. The Wolenczaks lawyers had entered a motion almost immediately after hearing about Lucas' downturn in health and subsequent inability to attend the trial for the trial to be dismissed.

Martavianne had thrown it out. She'd ensured that a copy of their motion and her reply was sent to Bridger, including a small note stating she'd like him to appear at the trial from then on when it was possible as he was Lucas' guardian. Despite how happy it would have made him before, the idea of staying away from Lucas for hours on end at the trial and then helping with repairs and refits on his boat was not a pleasant one.

Still, Nathan knew it had to be done and every morning for the next week, he left Kristin and the others to tend to Lucas. He would head to seaQuest to do some work, stop back at the house though Jones and Strong were usually there checking over Lucas, and then it was off to the court house to be present in Lucas' absence.

"So you're saying that Lucas never said anything about what had happened at my clients' house, only that he came back," Cynthia's ill-groomed lawyer, James Orlin, shuffled through some papers and began to read directly off Miguel's statement, "disheveled and ravenous."

"Yes, sir." Nathan could see Miguel narrow his eyes at the man, well-aware of which direction the current line of questioning was running.

"Then you couldn't say with conviction that my client is guilty. Could Lucas have hurt himself in some manner or missed a few meals out of his own decisions?"

"No," Miguel said with a shake of his head.

Orlin was taken aback. He'd clearly been expecting Miguel to say yes again, as had Nathan.

Bridger glanced over to his officer. He gestured with his eyes, wanting to know what Ortiz hadn't told him but Miguel shrugged and elaborated. "When we'd dropped Lucas off there, we left him with half a bag of candy bars we'd given him as a gift for always helping out. They were all his favorites and he knew Dr. Westphalen would have a fit if she knew, so Lucas had hidden them in his duffel bag on the ride over."

Nathan couldn't stop himself from thinking of the night he'd fished through Lucas' bag and found music and other things stashed away inside pant legs and wrapped in shirts. It hadn't struck him then as something Lucas had done out of habit or from conditioning.

"Lucas couldn't have eaten fifty-four jumbo candy bars in three days and when I went through his things the night we picked him up, there were none in his bag," Miguel explained, before adding, "Lucas has a habit of hiding everything important or ... telling about himself."

Orlin took it from there, running on and on until Peter yelled an objection and Martavianne sustained it, "Mr. Orlin, please keep your questions to the matter at hand."

"Yes, your honor," he smiled sweetly at her and then wiped it off his face when she didn't respond in kind. Nathan clenched his hands; the idiot was trying to flirt with the judge. While Miguel answered several more questions, he thought to himself that it was appropriate the disgusting lawyers would work for disgusting people.

It took four hours before the trial was recessed until the next day and Nathan, hoping to escape the media frenzy that had developed outside the court house, grabbed his people and all but ran to the cars. Miguel and Tim were in one car, Katie and himself in another.

The flash of the cameras were nearly blinding. Miguel had to slam the brakes to avoid hitting one man; MPs had to move the group back before they could leave. Then Nathan was driving faster than he had in recent memory, both cars making it into the estate. The press had so far not dared come near, and Nathan was grateful for that small reprieve.

Kristin was at the door when they stumbled in, looking concerned, but she said nothing. He looked at her for a minute and asked, "How's Lucas?"

She waved the others in; Bridger noted with pride how they didn't try to stay but slipped past Westphalen and made for the kitchen. She sighed once they were gone and told him, "He made Ben go buy one of those buzz razor contraptions you men like so much."

"Okay," he nodded, not grasping what she was telling him.

"Nathan, he wants to shave his head," Kristin said, as though Lucas had asked for a dram of poison and was lying in his bed like a distressed woman. He couldn't stop the smile, which earned him a glare.

He managed to straighten his mouth out. "I'll go talk to him." As soon as he was on the stairs, he smirked again and went directly to Lucas' room.

With Lucas confined to bed, the room was clean – his clothes finally put into the dresser or closet, his shoes corralled near the door, and his technical gear set up on the desk – out of Lucas' reach. Nathan knew that was Kristin's doing, but Lucas wasn't someone who sat still no matter how ill, and he moved around some furniture. He was glad for the carpet which eased the noise.

Then he sat and waited for Lucas to wake from his nap. His hair had thinned even more than before and Binky, as Ben had called it once or twice, was nearly flat to Lucas' head. Nathan knew it was a big step for Lucas to say he wanted it gone, but one that Lucas wasn't going to like very much once it was done. He winced. Lucas loved his hair and it was going to take a long time to grow back when he was well again.

Lucas turned in the bed, starting to come around and, startled by the sight of Nathan, he dropped something on the floor. Though he tried to grab for it, Bridger grabbed the item faster.

A stuffed dog. It took a minute for Nathan to recall what it was, handing it back. "Carol gave me a pound puppy years ago. I didn't know they still made them." He watched Lucas sleepily catch up to what was being said, but the boy was distracted by the sight of the desk having been moved to the end of his bed. "If you have enough strength to sit up and get to the end of your bed, then I thought you should be able to use your computer."

"Thanks, cap'n," Lucas smiled, shifting gently and pursing his lips. He was far too dizzy to sit up, but he still tried. He struggled for several minutes, and then stopped, laying back and closing his eyes. He carefully avoided touching his own hair and curled his hand over the stuffed animal.

"So, Kristin says you want to shave your head." It was part question and part statement of fact. Lucas made a face and Nathan waited, knowing Lucas would eventually admit he had.

"Yeah," Lucas nodded gently. "Most of it's gone anyway."

Ben appeared then, walking in with the razor which was still in its packaging. He was having problems opening it and Nathan watched avidly as the man fought with the plastic, only to realize five minutes in that his Captain was sitting two feet away and could hear every curse he said.

"Sorry, sir," Ben apologized immediately. He tried to give Bridger the respect he felt should be shown to the man and that included not cursing a blue streak in Nathan's presence.

Nathan simply moved to the desk, pulled out a pair of scissors, and handed them to Ben. The look on Ben's face showed that he'd never even thought of such an item. He cut open the package in three seconds and started to go through the contents.

"So, kid, how short are we going? I've got attachments for..."

"All of it, Ben," Lucas interrupted, "all of it." He definitely didn't seem pleased by the idea, but both men knew not to go against Lucas' decision. He would only get angry, which would be counter-productive and likely made Kristin chase them from the room.

Slowly the two men got Lucas into his adjoining bathroom, setting him on the toilet lid and easing his head over the sink. The buzz of the clippers filled the room and Lucas' hair quickly disappeared.

If it were possible, Nathan thought the lack of what little hair he'd had left made Lucas look frailer. Sicker. He forced himself to not say anything, lifting Lucas up and preparing to take him back to bed when he heard the buzz again. Nathan and Lucas both turned to see what was going on.

Ben was standing over the sink, his hair falling into it as he shaved off long strips. Thick brown hair was removed to reveal the pale skin beneath and Ben didn't look up at all.

Nathan swallowed around the lump in his throat. He unconsciously clenched his hands, squeezing Lucas' arm until the boy complained. "Sorry, kiddo," he responded automatically, uncurling his fingers.

When Ben stood up finally, his head was bare and he gave a lopsided smile, "Think Katie will like it?"

"_Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow._

_Don't walk behind me; I may not lead._

_Just walk beside me and be my friend_."

- Albert Camus -

Miguel and Tim had been settled on the couch for some time, listening somewhat to Katie's complaints about the show they'd turned on when Ben came down. They'd instantly noticed his lack of hair.

Tim's jaw dropped and Kristin stared.

"Ben, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but your hair seems to have escaped," Miguel told him, the only one not fazed by the man's shaved head. He'd actually been expecting it for a long time.

Miguel's closest friend as a child, Paulo, had been diagnosed with the same cancer as Lucas many years before, and Miguel had shaved his head when Paulo had shaved his. Friends had barely understood, but watching Ben reminded him of how easily the words had floated from his mouth when he'd told others it was to make Paulo feel better, to share the burden.

"Naw. Just didn't want to let Junior be bald without a friend. It's actually kind of nice," Ben touched his head again. It was something unique and foreign, but he figured he'd get used to the feel.

Ford sat back and watched the colleagues pull Ben down, running their hands over his scalp. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about the side of Ben they so rarely saw. Hidden away under sarcasm and greed, there was a soul like no other, Jonathan was sure. It was instances like now that Jonathan could see it peek out from behind the man's carefully constructed emotional walls, displaying the good man he was. He wished Ben would allow it more often.

The Captain joined them fifteen minutes later, his head unshaven. All he had to do was glance at Kristin and figured he should explain, but no one asked. Likely all understood that while he would have shaved his head for Lucas, it could be misinterpreted by the media and the court as some sort of deranged attachment to the boy. No, he was keeping his hair.

He had a sneaking suspicion that several of his men wouldn't be, though. He could see the spark in Tim's eyes, in the Commander's, in Miguel's. Nathan figured by morning he would find all the men bald and he had no problem with it.

Lucas had just about hugged Ben before he went back to his bed, happy that he wasn't alone. Though Nathan had figured he'd see about a wig, he had doubted Lucas would ever wear one with his skin as sensitive as it was, so Ben's silent show of friendship warmed Nathan; he hadn't truly realized the depth of Krieg's friendship with Lucas before.

And it looked like the rest of his command staff – Tim had disappeared for a few minutes only to return with the hair clippers.

"Wait, I'll get a garbage bag. We wouldn't want to have to find your hair all over the carpet for the next week!" Kristin stopped Tim before he could take the first stroke off Miguel's head. She returned seconds later with an industrial black bag and handed it to Ortiz who diligently hung his head over it. He tried not to laugh as soft black tufts fell into the bag and he could feel the swirl of the ac-cooled air on his head.

He sat up when Tim told him to and he immediately scrubbed his head with one hand, much in the same manner Ben had. Then he grinned evilly at Tim, "Your turn."

O'Neill wearily eyed the man, but knew Miguel would never physically hurt him and the two switched places. Kristin giggled as scrawny Tim tensed under the feel of the razor; he relaxed only as the final bits were cut from his head and then Tim, too, was bald.

The crew looked expectantly at Jonathan.

He sighed and contemplated it. For all of two minutes. Then he was moving to the couch, settling down and leaning over the bag. Though he couldn't see who was shaving his head, he knew it was Bridger by the sure touch, the affection conveyed in the actions.

Jonathan had always, since joining the military, strived to please his superior officers, but he'd never known anyone like Nathan Bridger and though they'd butted heads before, he found his respect for the man infinite. Bridger actually cared equally for the science and military contingents on the boat; he never asked more of anyone then they could give, and expected nothing less than the best.

As Bridger shaved over the last section of hair, Jonathan remembered a conversation from the first days they were on the boat together. Lucas had caused concerns among some of the crew and Jonathan was inclined to agree that a teenager didn't belong there. He found it ironic that it had only taken a few months for him to go from opposing Lucas' place on seaQuest to shaving his head for the boy.

"Alright, Commander," Bridger patted his shoulder and took the bag of hair from him.

Tim and Miguel plopped down on the couch with Ben straddling the chair arm. Katie giggled at the sight of the four men with clean shaven heads. Kristin made off for a camera and Nathan called Crocker, unsurprised when the man answered immediately.

Chief Crocker had stayed a few days with them the first week then disappeared, going off on his own with a promise to return. Looking at his eyes, Nathan knew something had happened but didn't ask yet. Instead he moved out of the camera's way and let the man see the others. His laughter was heady and strong. "Well, that's a sight, Cap," he said and noticed Kristin holding the camera in one hand.

"One second, Chief," Nathan told him when he saw Crocker reaching for the disconnect as he waved and placed the call in waiting. "Everyone around the couch," he instructed and moved to stand behind them all while Kristin set the timer.

"What about Lucas, sir?" 

Nathan looked at Ben, "This is for Lucas." He tapped Krieg's shoulder and smiled, nearly blinded by the flash but he didn't say anything about it. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he told them and walked out of the room, switching the call to the small side office he'd taken over within minutes of their arrival.

He hit the key to bring up the call. "Chief?"

"Cap?" Crocker asked back.

"How's Helen?" The distinct lack of the man's wife had tipped Bridger off. Whenever he was upworld, Crocker was within eyeshot of Helen who was always willing to drop a smile here and there.

Crocker shrugged, "Off with her new boyfriend, I guess." He didn't look all too upset, but Nathan could tell Crocker was crushed. He'd always loved his wife, across all distances and time, but apparently Helen hadn't.

He thought over what would be the best thing to tell Crocker, but he came up with nothing. His wife had died, bitter at a navy that had taken their son. Helen had left after living the life of a lonely navy wife.

"I got the papers today. Gotta sign them and send them off to her lawyer and then... I don't know, Cap."

Nathan shook his head, "You know." He didn't have to finish because he was sure that Crocker would show up in a few hours or days, wearing a smile on his face but vodka on his breath and Kristin would yell and then things would go back to normal.

Crocker nodded, "Yes, sir." He looked around and nodded again, to himself, "Yes, sir." He ended the transmission.

"_The truth is rarely pure and never simple._"

- Oscar Wilde -

"So you admit you told Lucas before that you didn't like his father?"

Nathan glared at Orlin, "Yes, I do, but it was on occasions when his father had chosen to not come through on plans with Lucas."

It was day twenty-one of the trial and after Nathan the only person who would be left to testify was Lucas. Both Cynthia and Lawrence had gone the day before and once Lucas was questioned, the trial would slip into the final phase And Nathan was looking forward to it. He was not, however, relishing the idea of leaving Lucas to the mercy of the Wolenczak's sleazy lawyer.

More questions, more answers and Nathan grew progressively more annoyed with Orlin. He only relaxed when Peter stood, asking a question just as he got to his feet. "Captain Bridger, could you please explain these statements for the court?" Donovan held up a piece of paper and read from it, the corner of his mouth crooked up, "'I have had an avid dislike for Dr. Wolenczak since the Christmas holiday when he abandoned Lucas on the seaQuest without alerting anyone that Lucas had nowhere else to go.' and 'Lucas overheard several conversations I had with Admiral Noyce over my opinion of the Wolenczaks' neglect of Lucas.'"

Peter nodded at him, "Could you explain for us how Mr. Orlin's assertion that Lucas was coached by those actions into bringing these charges is not possible?"

Nathan nodded, "Lucas was never present at any of the times that I spoke extremely harshly about Dr. Wolenczak – only when I told him that I thought Dr. Wolenczak didn't have his priorities straight." He waited until Peter had gestured for him to continue and finished, "Lucas only overheard two of my conversations with Admiral Noyce where I said that I believed Dr. Wolenczak's treatment of Lucas was neglectful. I never directly told Lucas that he should bring up charges against them."

Peter nodded, "Thank you. Could you also please explain to the court how you know the Wolenczaks have not acted in Lucas' best interests?"

With a glance at Martavianne, Nathan replied, "Lucas' age was listed on all legal and medical documents to be sixteen which is the current age listed by the UEO for a person to sign-up for duty with parental permission. When the seaQuest's command staff is required to attend any conferences, the UEO is required to submit documentation supporting our identities and to run background checks. When they ran Lucas', they immediately reported a discrepancy."

"What was that discrepancy?"

"Lucas' birth date," he said. Nathan blinked and sighed. "I'd had a suspicion from early on that Lucas was younger than we were told after Lucas accidentally slipped and told us that 2003 was P.L. or Pre-Lucas. If he'd been sixteen, his birthday logically would have been 23 December 2002, which is what is listed in his medical records. The date attached to his social security number, however, is 23 December 2004."

There was suddenly a loud muttering amongst the defense table, something which distracted everyone but Martavianne. She shouted for silence and order and it took two threats of people being held in contempt of court before they could resume.

Ben, who'd finally been allowed to attend the proceedings, had glared at the group through it all, but Nathan noted how despite the man's clear anger at them, Ben didn't move a muscle. He stayed in his seat, hands clenched in his lap and lips pursed.

"So Mr. Orlin's other assertion earlier that Lucas was no longer a minor in the eyes of the UEO was wrong?" Peter asked, switching the papers in his hands then picking up a pen and waiting for his response.

"Yes, sir. Lucas was nearing his fifteenth birthday, not his seventeenth when he came aboard the seaQuest." He'd wanted to add that the Wolenczaks couldn't even say Lucas was a few months away from his sixteenth birthday but Peter cut him off with another question.

"You called Stanford about this, correct?"

"Yes. And they gave me the same 23 December 2002 birth date that is in the seaQuest's files."

Martavianne's neutral look slipped for a moment and Nathan smiled to himself. She'd cast a small, contemptuous glare at the Wolenczaks though neither one noticed it. Bridger relaxed a little more and answered the rest of Peter's questions without a worry in his mind.

He'd told Kristin the same when he and Ben had arrived back at the estate at the close of the day, but she's simply shrugged and told him, "Don't get too cocky, Nathan. She could say they abused him and neglected him, but that doesn't mean she'll approve the adoption."

"Well, all the same, I still think Lucas is getting the better end of things," Nathan said and disappeared up the stairs.

Lucas had been moved to UEO headquarters that afternoon. Abbott had agreed with Kristin that Lucas' temperature was higher than she was comfortable with and the jaundice had seemed to be returning – if the hepatotoxicity had returned, it was safer for him to be hospitalized than sitting in the house.

Nathan still went into the boy's room, checking on the computer and other supplies, picking up clothes that had been thrown haphazardly on the floor by Lucas. Kristin thought it was a rebellious act, his throwing clothes on the floor, and she was right, though Nathan would never tell her.

He took one last look around before slipping into the hallway, turning off the light and closing the door as he went.

Moving down the corridor, he heard noises from Tim and Miguel's room and he whistled to cover it. There were fewer things he wanted to know about than what the two could be doing. He passed Ben's room and the sound of videogames floated through the door to him. Nathan continued to walk and when he reached Ford's room, he knocked gently on the frame.

"Captain," Jonathan acknowledged him, putting down his report log and giving Bridger his full attention. "What can I do for you?"

"The refit. I think I'm going to submit a few redesigns to the board based on the outcome of the trial and I need to know if you'll challenge them," Nathan said. He knew that Jonathan had accepted Lucas and did care for him, but the fact remained that Ford was a military man. He was a good balance for Nathan, though he did readily yield when he knew Nathan was right about something.

Jonathan didn't need an explanation and only said, "Moving Lucas closer to your quarters? I wouldn't challenge it, sir."

"Thank you, Commander." He turned to go, but Jonathan stopped him with a question – where would they put Lucas? "Aside from the wardroom and the formal conference, we don't use any of the other official offices," Nathan told him, explaining further that one of the unused rooms was next to the ward room.

"What would we do with Lucas' current quarters?"

"Truthfully, Jonathan, I only just thought of it this morning. I have to sit down with the plans tonight and work through the details," he told the man, admitting, "I'd rather work out any problems now before I go ahead and Lucas thinks it's something he did that made you go against it."

Ford nodded and watched his Captain leave.

"_Time discovers truth_."

- Seneca -

Lucas was too sick to testify in court and so Suzanna Martavianne brought the court to him. With one person manning the camera to ensure his testimony couldn't be deemed fraudulent, she settled herself at the foot of Lucas' bed; Orlin on Lucas' left was hesitant to move any closer than four inches inside the door while Peter and Ashlinn stood on Lucas' right, close enough for Nathan to see Peter stroking Lucas' pale fingers.

Nathan stood to the side throughout the questioning, glad that his status as guardian ensured his presence. Lucas at times seemed agitated by the questions and the stress put more strain on the boy's heart. Nathan nearly ended it after half an hour when the heart monitor screeched, but Lucas had calmed himself within seconds and the questions continued.

That was, until Orlin raised his voice and outright accused Lucas of making up the accusations, of being spoiled. There was no reason for his vehement tone with Lucas, none that he could ascertain, and Martavianne kicked him out quickly, looking at Lucas and wanting to comfort. Her status meant she couldn't and as soon as she was out of the room, Nathan reached for Lucas. "How you doing, pal?"

"My head hurts," Lucas muttered then opened his eyes and looked at the worried man. "Don't worry, Captain. It's not the first time James has gone off like that." He could see Nathan's eyes widen in alarm and quickly added, "James is dad's old roommate from college. He's never really liked me. Says I ruined Dad's life."

Bridger sighed. "Well, today's the last day and then Admiral Martavianne decides the case. Think you can handle Peter asking some questions?"

Nodding, Lucas told him he'd be fine with Peter and Nathan went to retrieve the rest of the needed people. It gave Lucas a few minutes alone with Donovan and his partner and he asked, "Are we going to win?"

Peter smiled and nodded. He glanced at Ashlinn, who shrugged, and he told Lucas, "I think so." He didn't, by Bridger's request, say anything about what would come after the trial, though he still believed Lucas had the right to know that he could end up in foster care.

Twenty minutes passed before Nathan returned, no one else with him but Kristin, who did not seem pleased at all.

"Everyone out!" she declared and they went, like children scolded for stealing a cookie. It amused Lucas how Peter made a face the minute he was behind Kristin yet she still managed to know what he'd done and whacked him for it.

"Think that's funny, do you?" She poked his shoulder, "I wouldn't laugh at the one who has the needles."

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "At this point you could stab me with one and I'd never notice I've had so many." He shifted and let her poke at his abdomen, managing to wait until she'd replaced the blanket to ask, "When can I leave?" Lucas promptly made a face, "The nurse keeps insisting on checking my, you know..."

He was tempted to explain how uneasy it made him when the nurse simply lifted his gown to look at his testicles, as if by profession the woman could do so without asking him first. Still, Lucas wouldn't do that since it would mean actually discussing that section of his body with the woman he considered his mother.

"Ah, well, I'll make sure to talk with the night staff, but you've got to stay one more day at least before I could even think of bringing up your release with Dr. Jones and Dr. Strong, and seeing as they're the ones who specialize in this, they have the last word," she responded without hesitation.

"But you're my doctor," Lucas pleaded. He attempted his best puppy dog expression in the hopes of convincing her otherwise, but the look she gave him –somewhere between amusement and annoyance – wiped the expression right off his face. "Can Ben at least visit? I'm bored."

She pursed her lips and sighed. "I would, but you have to rest. Maybe after your treatment tomorrow, if you aren't feeling too bad, Ben can come by with something for you to eat." She held up a hand at his happy look. "Only if we think you're up to it."

Lucas nodded, agreeing to her terms though he knew Ben would show up at some point no matter what.

Kristin knew it too. Rolling her eyes, she told him, "Don't be so smug," and handed him the vidscreen remote. "I'll have Nathan come sit with you for a few minutes then I want you to sleep."

"Can I..." he started to say, but snapped his mouth shut. Kristin was eyeing his IV port in a way that clearly meant she'd drug him if she had to and he knew of all things, being awake was better. He quieted, waiting until the Captain walked in to begin whining in earnest. Without a computer or music to keep him occupied, he felt like his brain cells were committing suicide.

"Sorry, pal, but at least here you can't get the worst of her wrath," Nathan joked. "I'll make it up to you later."

One quirked eyebrow met Bridger's gaze. Lucas' curiosity was peaked, but Nathan wanted to keep his surprise to himself for the moment. He knew Lucas would like it and teasing the boy came naturally; it would make Lucas smile and only that mattered to him.

"You'll find out soon enough."

It didn't appease the boy and Lucas immediately started asking question after question. Nathan wasn't having it though, skillfully avoiding giving anything away without lying to Lucas – something he'd had to master in Robert's younger years.

Nathan shook off the thought. It disturbed him to think of Robert when looking at Lucas. He still felt a little guilty fighting for Lucas in ways he'd not fought for his son, but he knew that the reality was different. Lucas needed to be fought for, needed to have someone help him, while Robert had grown up loved and independent.

There had been no one to help the scraped knees, to explain punishments, or to help with homework -- all things Carol and Nathan had done for Robert, and he knew in his heart that he was worried Lucas would think he was a replacement for Robert. That was what bothered him most.

Inquisitive blue eyes watched him pull from his reverie. "Captain?" Lucas reached out, touching Nathan's hand.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired myself. It was a long morning for me and unlike you, I've got a while to go before I can get to bed," he said, hoping Lucas wouldn't prod for more because Nathan knew he'd spill the beans.

Luckily, Lucas didn't. He simply continued to hold onto the Captain's hand silently. Nathan stroked Lucas' scalp, gently touching any spot that seemed sensitive to ensure he wouldn't hurt the boy and eventually (gratefully) Lucas' eyes closed. He took a bit longer to fall asleep, but once he did Nathan moved away.

"You're doing a good job, you know," Kristin told him from the doorway.

He hadn't heard her approach, but there were days he thought she was a ninja judging from her ability to sneak up on someone in almost complete silence. Nathan turned and nodded. "I know."

"So stop questioning it."

"That's easier said than done, Kristin," he snorted. Nathan looked up at her and moved closer, not wanting to wake Lucas. "I'm playing so much of this by ear," he said once he was standing at her side.

Kristin leaned against the doorframe. "And you think the rest of us aren't?" She smiled affectionately. "He's lucky to have you though, Nathan. We can romanticize this all we want, but I know you – you're willing to do whatever you have to in order to protect Lucas. You'd give up seaQuest in an instant for him." She noted his face, well-aware that she was right, and she continued. "And who else would stand there, holding Lucas' hand, trying to help him sleep even while worrying about what Lucas thinks of him?"

Nathan's cynical look earned him a noise of irritation. "Oh, come now. Like you weren't just standing there, scared that Lucas thinks you're taking him in to make up for losing Robert." She paused and then kissed his cheek. "Stop worrying. You'll end up in an early grave."

With one last glance at Lucas, they both turned to leave. Martavianne stood there, her hands folded politely against her waist. Nathan acknowledged her first and delivered a proper salute, being told with a small laugh that it wasn't needed.

"And Dr. Westphalen," Martavianne nodded hello, "thank you for directing the paperwork to me on Lucas' medical care. It's certainly been... informative." Kristin smiled at that. The Admiral had asked for some explanations of Lucas' illness and his treatment, and instead she'd nearly gotten Lucas' entire file with some notes written in margins.

The medical file had held a goldmine of data as well. The prosecution team had, of course, brought up the wealth of injuries Lucas had as a child. Orlin and the other defense lawyers had tried to focus on the idea that children normally hurt themselves; a given for life. They never offered any explanations for the injuries noted in Lucas' file as having been days or weeks old.

"I just wanted to check and make sure Lucas was alright," she told them, peeking past the two to Lucas.

"He's not great, but he'll be alright. He's sleeping now if you'd like to look in on him," Kristin immediately offered, moving herself and Nathan out of the way in case Martavianne decided to go in.

The Admiral shook her head. "Not right now. Mr. Donovan and Mr. Orlin were at each other's throats earlier and I'd rather get them apart as quick as I can. I'll come by when it's taken care of and see him, but thank you." She said goodbye and then Martavianne was walking away, disappearing around a corner.

Nathan looked at Kristin and grinned. They had two more days to get through, however, and Kristin hoped they weren't putting the carriage before the horse.


	5. Chapter Five

"_Nothing is fair or good alone._"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

The verdict wasn't anything of a shock. Both Wolenczaks lost parental rights and would have to appear before the court again for sentencing. What had been the shock was Martavianne's adamant statement that custody of Lucas would be given to not only Nathan, but Kristin as well.

"Lucas needs more than one parent and while Captain Bridger is whom Lucas had declared he'd like to be with, I think the state of affairs is such that Dr. Westphalen also has a fair impact on his life," she told the court, watching Lieutenants Krieg and O'Neill try to hide their smiles while Kristin and Nathan sat slightly stunned.

Lucas, released just for the few hours (and contingent upon him telling Kristin if he grew tired), sat beside them both and his foot bounced excitedly. He never looked at the defense table -- he didn't want to see the contempt flung at him -- and Lucas watched Martavianne as she made her final announcement.

"Therefore, I have decided that Lucas Wolenczak is here now and evermore the son of Nathan Hale Bridger, Captain, and under the guardianship hereto of Kristin Westphalen, M.D. and Ph.D."

Nathan knew the gavel had come down, that court was no longer in session and Lucas was being whacked on the back by all the men, but he'd gone a little numb. He finally looked at Lucas, taking the boy in a hug.

If he was honest with himself, he hadn't really expected the day to come despite how rushed things had been. He'd been steeling himself since the paperwork had been filed against the ruling that he would not be allowed to adopt Lucas. After all, he was the Commanding Officer of the seaQuest – the UEO wouldn't have allowed it.

And yet they had.

He hugged Lucas tighter, just managing to make out the words slipping from Lucas' lips. "You're welcome, kiddo," Nathan told him. Lucas let him go after a minute and turned to Ben, who reached over the row to hug Lucas himself.

They were all so busy congratulating Lucas that no one noticed Lawrence break away from his group; didn't see him move quickly toward the boy until Lucas was recoiling from the slap. Nathan had Wolenczak tackled before the bailiffs could react.

Martavianne, who'd been talking to the stenographer, got to her feet immediately and though Bridger had seen a fair number of Kristin's angry tirades, the Admiral far surpassed any of them. She ordered Lawrence from the room without her raising her voice, but the tone was far deadlier than it had ever been before.

Nathan forced himself to not look away from the sight of Lawrence being led away until the man had been obscured by elevator doors. Only then did he turn to Lucas who was still covering the left side of his face with one hand. Kristin was trying to examine it without making it an order.

"Lucas, let Kristin see," he instructed. He quickly told Ben to get the car, tossing the keys at the man. He sent Tim and Miguel along with him and moved next to Lucas, pulling the boy's fingers out of the way.

Kristin sighed, "Well, that'll be a nice sized bruise."

Lucas didn't say anything. He was still shocked by the fact that he'd been struck and in a courtroom no less. He reached for Nathan and hated himself for it; how many beatings had he endured? How many times had he been hit and never needed comfort before? Lucas hated the sudden weakness, yet embraced it at the same time.

He rubbed his eyes quickly when they parted. Lucas didn't look up at Nathan at first, but he steeled himself with a glance at the vacated defense table.

It was time to stop being afraid.

"I think I'm okay now," Lucas told Bridger, feeling relief flood through him as he spoke. "Yeah. I'm okay. I'm not going to let them scare me anymore." Lucas looked over at Kristin, who nodded at him with a happy expression coloring her features.

Nathan laid a hand on his shoulder, his mouth curved into a gentle smile.

"_Promise me you'll always remember:_

_You're braver than you believe,_

_and stronger than you seem,_

_and smarter than you think._"

- A. A. Milne -

"Easy, kiddo." Nathan held Lucas' shoulders, trying to keep the boy from falling face first into the toilet. "Don't fight it," he instructed, though he knew it only annoyed Lucas to be told how to vomit properly.

Kristin came in, her hair in disarray, with Abbott in tow. Both of them had been working overtime since the trial's close a week before. Lucas had another treatment the day of the verdict and had been sick ever since. He was able to keep down sips of water and broth, allowing him to be discharged from the hospital, but the estate wasn't a place anyone felt comfortable bringing him.

So to seaQuest it was. The medbay's refits and updates had been the first to be completed in case of a situation such as this.

Lucas had been settled into his usual room barely an hour before he'd managed to get himself into the bathroom and hadn't left. Kristin had tried to get him back into bed several times, all for naught. Reluctantly accepting that she wouldn't be able to ease his suffering as much as she wanted, she and Jessie had set up informal shifts of volunteers to stay with Lucas throughout the day and night.

"How's he doing?" Abbott asked. He could see that Lucas was unwell, of course, but Nathan had been able to give them decent descriptions of things like how much time occurred between retching, how much came up, and if Lucas' pain was growing in intensity.

"He's getting tired," Nathan replied and moved Lucas back against the small nest of pillows and blankets they'd arranged to keep him comfortable. "Think you can talk?" He rubbed Lucas' hand and wasn't surprised when Lucas shook his head slightly.

"That's alright," Abbott said. "Kristin and I have been talking over all the meds we've had you on, Lucas, and we think that we're going to try something new. It's possible that a combination of drugs might work better than the increasing doses of singular ones." Jones crouched down next to the boy. "We're not sure what side effects you'll have, if any, or how intense they may be, so we're leaving it up to you, Lucas. What do you want to do?"

Lucas looked at Nathan and didn't speak, but he knew the Captain would understand what he wanted to convey.

"Do it." Nathan wasn't okay with anything that would make Lucas feel worse than he already did, except everything they gave him to combat the cancer made Lucas' body rebel. It was inevitable and he knew he was powerless to stop something that could possibly have a chance to help his son.

He didn't stop the smile. True, he was sitting on the floor with Lucas who was skinny, bald, and sick-- except that skinny, bald, and sick kid was _his_. It warmed Nathan every time he thought of it, his mind wrapping around it a little more everyday.

And he had thought of Robert – just not as he had earlier, fearing Lucas would see himself as a replacement. All memories of Robert that came to the surface made him realize that Robert would have loved Lucas, would have teased the boy and helped him. It made him realize that Robert had one place in his heart and Lucas had another.

Lucas touched Nathan's hand as he leaned forward slightly and Nathan moved to help him back over the toilet.

He stroked Lucas' cheek, watching when Kristin walked in and tensing just a little as she injected his IV with the medication. It would take several moments to render an effect, but Nathan hoped it was sooner rather than later.

Kristin and Abbott stood in the doorway, both sets of watchful eyes on Lucas as the minutes ticked by. The drip of the fluid in the line was a visual marker of the time for Nathan and he'd counted two-hundred sixty-three drops before Lucas started to relax. His body finally stopped jerking with the effort of expelling his stomach's contents and Lucas laid back.

Westphalen let out the breath she'd been holding. Relief flooded her and she told them, "So long as his stomach holds out, I want him in a bed. The floor is too cold for him to be sleeping on."

Nathan nodded, though he could see Lucas was not too keen on the idea. A week of being physically sick near constantly had conditioned him to the fact that having the toilet next to him was better than throwing up on himself. But a bed had the merits of warmth and pillows.

He weighed his options and then looked at Nathan, "Okay." His voice was small, careful. Lucas was hoarse from the vomiting and from disuse as talking had aggravated his gag reflex several times, causing him to just stop all together.

Between Nathan and Abbott, they managed to settle Lucas into the bed without too much fuss and without causing Lucas any undue stress. Clean blankets and pillows were already set out; the crystal dolphin prism Ben had bought him was handed to him as Nathan covered Lucas with one of the seven blankets Kristin had supplied.

Lucas clutched the dolphin, kicking the blanket down to his waist. The cool air of the infirmary made his headache ease and he rested the crystal on his forehead, closing his eyes. His stomach rolled but he didn't get sick; he held a hand over his eyes as he opened them and asked, "Tylenol?"

Despite the hopeful look, Nathan knew aspirin was not allowed to be given to Lucas due to the liver damage. At least not for a while. He looked at Kristin, "Is there anything we can give him?"

"I'm hesitant," She told him and didn't continue. It was difficult to deny Lucas the simplest of medications, but so many drugs were already coursing through his veins. Kristin didn't want to chance adding to it with a blood thinner.

Nathan gave her pleading look though, almost begging her to do something but Kristin simply turned and fiddled with the lights. Put down to dim level, Lucas was able to open his eyes more and he blinked as they focused. Lucas noted the lack of external noise; Kristin had closed the hatch as she'd disappeared.

"I talked to Commander Ford. We're ahead of schedule on the repairs. Looks like we'll be out of dock a few weeks earlier than expected if everything keeps running so smoothly," Nathan whispered, brushing his fingers along Lucas' temple.

Lucas blinked and clutched the dolphin a little tighter, "Kay." He was glad to hear it; Lucas didn't like being trapped upworld, but he was too tired to say so. It'd been a while since he'd had a full nights' rest.

"You're doing good, Lucas. Keep it up," Nathan told him. He almost added how proud Nathan was of him, how brave Lucas was, but Lucas didn't want to hear such things. He'd already told Bridger several times that he felt like he needed to live up to expectations every time he was told such things.

"Working on it."

Nathan stayed beside his son, stroking Lucas' head gently and waiting for the boy to nod off though he never did. Lucas laid there with closed eyes, and twitched every so often until Kristin walked in and realized Lucas was still awake.

"Leave him alone, Kristin. He'll sleep if he wants," Nathan said though he knew it wasn't needed – if she wouldn't give Lucas something for a headache, she wouldn't be forcing him to sleep.

So much of the interactions between Lucas and everyone else had been rote. They all made little arguments, said things that didn't need to be, just to keep some semblance of normalcy between them all as Lucas appeared to go downhill yet was actually getting better.

Levine had returned to the boat a few days before and upon seeing Lucas amended his earlier statement about Lucas' health and the treatment – the chemo wasn't killing him, but it certainly was giving them all a run for their money. He slipped back into his normal role easily enough with Lucas, however, sitting with Abbott and Jessie and Kristin and offering what he thought could help.

Still unsure of how herbal treatments could help, Nathan hadn't even told Lucas about the option. He felt that while Lucas was still responding to the normal therapies, he wasn't going to screw that up. And Lucas could ream him out later for it.

Lucas had grown used to Nathan dazing out when he had nothing pressing to take his attention and he could see that whatever the Captain was thinking over was pretty serious. Or he assumed given the expression on Nathan's face. Either way, Lucas wasn't going to interrupt him and set to thinking himself.

He thought of the things people said even when he didn't want to hear it; the things Ben told him the day he'd given him the crystal dolphin. Lucas didn't like thinking of himself as brave or strong. Freakishly intelligent, sure, but he knew there were plenty of times he was hiding in his quarters and hoping no one would find him.

Still, could it be such a horrible thing to think that he was being brave by fighting to stay alive despite his body's best efforts to the contrary? Could it be so horrible to take pride in not giving up all together and letting the cancer win? Lucas closed his eyes and contemplated it.

Lawrence had taught him as he was growing up that pride was something to revel in, but that Lucas was a failure in so many ways that it would matter little if he had pride because he'd be mocked and jeered. His fa... Lawrence had also beaten him so many times Lucas had become quite adept at lying about injuries and covering up wounds to ensure the man's dignity wouldn't be damaged.

Lucas snorted. All those years of fighting to protect the Wolenczaks' had been for naught because there he was, laying in a bed with the lights down and cancer in his cells; Nathan standing at his side where neither Cynthia nor Lawrence would ever have been.

"Thanks," He whispered to Nathan. His eyes whipped to Lucas' and Bridger smiled at him as a response. No words needed to be said that Nathan sought no recognition for what he had done and Lucas allowed himself to grin briefly.

Maybe he could be a little proud of himself...

"_Who you are speaks so loudly_

_I can't hear what you're saying_."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

The days grew longer for Kristin after that. Lucas' blood work grew better, but there were still dips in it. As the round of chemo came to a close, she finally managed to get some time outside of the nearly-deserted medbay.

Most of seaQuest was coming back online and Nathan had been overjoyed to realize that the refits and repairs weren't going to take the four month estimate at all. At the rate they were going, the boat would be under way in a month, having already been in dock for nearly two.

Crewmembers had returned happily as quarters opened up; all came aboard with a smile, threw their things in their rooms, and immediately set to work on some project or another. Kristin hadn't understood their need to work overtime on getting seaQuest running, and Nathan had tried to explain that when a submariner was forced upworld, it was like someone was telling them not to breathe.

She settled against her blanket and tried to think of something that could help her empathize with the idea. It came easily – if someone had told her she couldn't help treat Lucas, it would be like someone cutting off her hands.

"The door was open," Ben said as he stood just inside her room, a little sheepish as he did so.

Kristin nodded, "Come in." She gestured to a chair and made him sit before letting the man speak. "Now, what's on your mind, Ben?" She asked, moving into her own chair; close enough to actually get a good look at him, she could see that he was overtired. Her eyes narrowed, gearing up for a tirade about the military, but Ben shook his head.

"It's not the Captain," He told her. "I, um, I've been spending a lot of time with Katie, and," He paused, scratching his neck nervously, "I think I want to get back together with her."

She let out a breath. Kristin had been expecting to hear such a comment for a while, though it was a surprise that it was Ben who'd come to her and not Katie. But with Nathan focusing on his son, Ben had likely picked the one person he knew could help him without spreading it about seaQuest.

"Okay," She said, thinking. Kristin breathed and quickly decided the best question to ask, though Ben beat her to it.

"Mom loved Katie. I mean _really _loved Katie, and when we got divorced, we had this big fight," He looked down and then half-smirked as he corrected himself. "Actually a pretty massive fight. We hadn't spoken since the day I told her and when my sister called to say Mom was dying...

"Anyway, it made me think, you know? Made me think about Katie and what life could have been like if I had just grown up a little."

Kristin patted his hand, "I don't know about what life could have been like, but I know that now, since Lucas has been ill, we've all seen a side of you that we didn't realize was there." She glanced at his peach-fuzz covered head to get across her point, "Truthfully, I worried when Lucas got sick that you would back away from him, but you've only gotten closer. You've stayed with him when no one could and gotten him to smile."

He looked at her, not understanding what Lucas had to do with Katie. Ben shrugged, "He's a kid. And I understand some of what he's been through. My dad wasn't the sweetest guy either."

"What I meant, Ben, was that Lucas got sick and you didn't react like a maladjusted adult. You stepped up and helped take care of him," She sat back in the chair, relaxing. "You have this part of you that's more mature than any of us knew, but you hid it so well that I bet even Lucas didn't know about it."

Ben made a face, "I acted mature a lot when I was younger and between Mom's stays in the mental institution and Dad's drinking, I took care of Emma. I never got to be stupid."

"And now that you're an adult, you're making up for lost time," Kristin said, as if all the little puzzle pieces she had of Ben were falling into place.

"I guess I don't want to let go of it all yet. It's fun to run around and do idiotic things, especially with Lucas," He ran a hand over his scalp. "But I guess I'm getting too old for that logic, huh?"

Kristin nodded, "Unfortunately, I think it's time to let your fun have its place and time." She watched him tremble a little and reached forward to hug him, just for a few moments, then let go. "Does... Does Katie know about your father?"

He shook his head, "Dad's not a topic that I like to talk about. I have. I just really prefer not too."

"Talk to her, Ben. She'll listen, but you can't keep hiding behind these emotional defenses. Nothing bad will happen if you tell her the truth." Kristin noted the look in his eyes, as if the entire world was coming down on him, "You've both been dancing around each other for months. Just talk to her."

"And if she doesn't want to hear it?" Ben murmured, not having enough in him to say it louder.

"You underestimate her," Kristin said simply. She stood then, and told him, "Would you rather spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been or would you rather spend it knowing you did what you could?"

Ben sighed, "Yeah. Yeah." He got to his feet and nodded, "I, um, thanks, Doc."

All her instincts made her feel like Ben was looking at her as a mother and she reacted in the same manner – she pulled Ben to her, hugging him tightly for the second time in an hour, and when they pulled apart, Kristin smiled at him. She pushed him toward the door gently, "Go on."

She crossed her arms as he left and continued to stand in the middle of her quarters for a few minutes before knocking herself from her reverie.

Sometimes she felt like she knew none of the crew, like they were all strangers who passed through her medbay at one time or another, but then there were the times she felt like she was the voice of reason. Sometimes she felt as if she was the parent and those times normally ended with surgeries.

"Kristin," Nathan called softly as he knocked on the hatch. He pushed it open a bit and looked at her, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, fine. Just thinking." She noticed the book in his hands and took it, "I see my daughter has been up to her old tricks."

Nathan watched her, waiting for her inevitable reaction. Cynthia Westphalen had developed habit of sending things to Nathan; she loved to send things that would embarrass her mother, including old photos of Kristin with bad hair cuts. When Kristin had asked why, Cynthia's response had been that if her mother was to marry the man, then he needed to know what he was getting into. She'd quickly deflected the idea that Nathan hadn't even proposed.

Kristin had called her a smartass and Nathan had found an editorial Kristin had written in her youth from The Independent in his next batch of mail.

However, in recent weeks, Cynthia had included a few things for Lucas as well. Kristin had thanked her for that, since Kristin had worried how Cynthia would take the news that Lucas was now family.

What she held at the moment was not Cynthia's normal style and it had obviously taken a lot of work: a family album. Nathan had expected it to be filled with pictures from Kristin's life – her childhood, Cynthia's, weddings and Kristin's brother. But it wasn't.

In between the covers were stills not only of Kristin and Cynthia, but of Lucas and Nathan. Here and there were pictures of Darwin, Ben, Tim, and Miguel; Jonathan and Crocker appeared at least once, and there was the picture they'd taken after they had shaven their heads.

Kristin was stunned and Nathan could see it. She ran a hand over the glossy pages, looking at the pictures and doing a good impression of a fish. It took several moments before she broke from the surprise, looking up and managing out a weak, "She's good."

Nathan laughed, "She's just like you."

"Lucas is going to love this," She told him, "Absolutely love this." Kristin finally closed it and put it to the side, wishing for the hundredth time that Cynthia had been able to come visit but her humanitarian work took up most of the woman's time.

"Was that Ben I saw?" Nathan asked as he moved to the bed and leaned back in it.

Kristin curled close and shut her eyes, "He's going to talk to Katie tonight." She smirked at the knowledge, "Poor boy."

"Let's hope the two of them can work things out. If I had to leave the bridge to mediate one more of their arguments, I think Jonathan was going to drown Ben," He said and rubbed her arm with one hand. "Think we'll get a few minutes tonight without some sort of emergency?"

"You wish. I think we should savor the time we've got at the moment. Lucas isn't going to sleep for long and once he does, you're going to have to help me get more blood from him," She informed him of that matter-of-factly and Nathan nodded.

They were silent then, letting it wash over them. Nathan had nearly fallen asleep when his PAL chirped just as Kristin's did. Levine's and Ford's voices rang out and jumbled together; Lucas could be heard in the din and then there were knocks on the door.

"Back into the fray then," Kristin groaned as they went in their separate directions.

"_Over the years, your bodies become_

_walking autobiographies, telling friends_

_and strangers alike of the major and_

_minor stresses of your lives_."

- Marilyn Ferguson -

Lucas tracked Kristin around the room as she moved, her worried actions calming in their repetition. She'd been doing it for an hour while they waited for his blood work to finish and truthfully, it had helped to ease his nausea to have something to focus on.

Others were nearby and Lucas had wished everyone would go away, let him be. He didn't really care what the results said – if they were good, they would allow him out of the medbay; if they were bad, he was trapped. However, results that said he was healing didn't mean he still wouldn't be trapped as his energy levels had dropped. He would be relegated to the Captain's care once more and his separation from Darwin would continue.

Needless to say, he wasn't all that happy.

Levine walked in after Kristin had fiddled with Lucas' IV for the seventh time and Lucas waited a little impatiently for one of them to tell him if he could leave. Neither one made a move to and he struggled to sit up, then asked, "So? Can I get out of here?"

Kristin turned to him, startled as if she'd forgotten Lucas was there. She swallowed and told him, "Nathan can take you, yes, but..."

He grumbled – there was always a but.

"You have to promise to rest. You cannot go gallivanting around the ship with Ben or Tim or Miguel, understand me?" She told him, knowing it was a moot point to tell him no trouble making. Lucas could barely hold himself upright; there was no way he was going to be moving about seaQuest.

"Can I at least have a computer?" Lucas hoped she'd let him have something to do; Nathan couldn't be there to entertain him every hour of the day nor did him want him to. There were some times Lucas needed some solitude, something he and the Captain had discussed at great length one night.

"Only one. You can do a little work so long as you spend most of the time resting," Kristin relented. She knew Lucas' new quarters, a moderately sized room next to the wardroom, was nearly finished and he'd soon have more than just the one computer. Until then, however, she was going to try to monitor his computer use.

Nathan had been standing at his side, quiet. He'd told Lucas it was his health and he could ask any questions he wanted, that he could make any decision he wanted. Of course that had led the way for Lucas to begin arguing more often with Kristin and the other doctors, but Nathan never got involved – unless it was when Lucas was throwing up on his shoes while running a high fever and yelling that he wasn't doing anymore Chemo.

They were volleying back and forth over a definition of "appropriate leisure time activities" when Levine gestured between the two and Nathan silently agreed. If Lucas was up for complaining, then his mental state was fine.

They went on for a good ten minutes before Nathan finally interrupted, knowing he had to get Lucas settled in quarters and report to the seadeck before Jonathan's shift on the refit ended. It had immediately started Kristin and Lucas on a fight over Lucas using a wheelchair, which ate up another five minutes and Nathan eventually sided with Kristin for the sake of time.

Lucas sulked the entire way to Nathan's room; he wasn't really upset that he'd lost the argument, but more that Kristin had been right – his body wouldn't have been able to handle the walk from medbay. Even moving from the chair to the maglev bench had been tiring.

Ben had a computer already set up when they arrived and had snuck over a few other toys as well, before disappearing to ensure Nathan couldn't order him to remove them. At least, it was the most likely case.

"Don't get too excited. You can keep the smaller stuff and we'll hide it, but everything else has to go back. She'll have you back in medbay before either of us will have time to plead our case," Nathan told him as he weeded through the technology.

Lucas watched Nathan as the man moved around the quarters, sweeping away some items and hiding the music and movie vids. He picked several other things up and told Lucas he'd be back in a few hours; Ben and Miguel would be by in an hour or so, and please don't do anything that would get Kristin and Abbott upset.

With Nathan gone, Lucas was free to do as he pleased. And at that moment, Lucas wanted to get a good look at his body – between the exhaustion and the treatments and the trial, Lucas hadn't been able to see his own body in its entirety for three and a half months.

The head wasn't far from the bunk, but Lucas knew it would tire him out too much to walk there. Only he _needed_ to see and his brain turned over several options, coming up with using the vidscreen.

It took all of five minutes to program the screen to feed back images of himself and with just a bit of lingering hesitation, Lucas pulled his shirt over his head.

His skin was pale, nearly snow white from the lack of sun and his IC line jutted from his chest. A deep brown burn surrounded it; Lucas stroked a hand around the edge of it. He stroked a hand down his side, feeling the differences in his flesh. From his shoulder to his waist, it was dry and peeling, but as the roving fingers dipped into his waistband the skin grew softer.

Removing his pants was much harder. It required him to shift and shimmy. Twist, until the garment fell to the floor in a cotton puddle. Once they were gone, he could see how thin his legs had gotten, how the muscles had atrophied. His veins were more prominent and Lucas could see where an IV had been not too long before.

"Hey, kid," Ben said quietly.

Lucas whipped his head up, grabbing for a blanket to cover himself, "What?!" With his clothes on the floor, Lucas could only hide beneath the comforter and stare at his two friends.

Miguel shoved Ben into the quarters and locked the hatch behind them. He reached for Lucas' clothes and set them on the bed. "Curious, huh? You want us to leave?" Miguel asked, knowing Lucas was probably upset about the radical changes in a body the boy had known well not too long before.

Nodding anxiously, Lucas felt a bit of relief when Ben and Miguel started to leave and then stopped them. "Wait," he croaked, slightly more relaxed than he'd been. He was embarrassed that they had seen him in nothing but his underwear, but they were his friends and he needed to assure them that they hadn't walked in on him doing anything more than looking.

Ben looked at him, "What's up?" He said nothing more then, hoping to avoid making Lucas feel pressured. He was scared Lucas would feel ashamed for having been caught in the act of touching at himself, and truthfully, Ben could care less. It would only be a problem if Lucas felt his body was disgusting or ugly.

"I just need to see, you know? I'm not... you know," He couldn't continue facing them and rubbed an arm. "I'm not touching myself like... like that."

Krieg walked back over and leaned against the bunk. "It's not so different, junior. Skinnier than you used to be, but we'll stuff you with the good, greasy food later." He went quiet, letting Lucas breathe for a second before telling him, "Darwin's waiting," and handing him his clothes.

"Yeah," the boy muttered and started to pull on his shirt. It was difficult; Lucas had expended most of his energy getting the clothes off in the first place and Miguel ended up helping him get dressed again. Ben fought with the wheelchair Nathan had closed up, getting it open just as Lucas fixed the drawstring on his pants.

"_One trouble with trouble is_

_that it usually starts out like fun_."

- Anonymous -

Darwin began chattering the minute Lucas appeared at the moon pool's edge; the vocorder was turned off, but Lucas could understand how happy the dolphin was to see him without it. Lucas reached out to pet Darwin, pulling himself up and out of the chair.

He leaned there and continued rubbing Darwin's side, until Ben flung a wetsuit at him and Miguel smirked.

"Uh, no," He recoiled from it and shook his head, "Guys, no. The Captain will get in trouble with Dr. Westphalen or I'll get sent back to medbay or something. I can sit here, really." Lucas watched the two men for a second, hoping they'd lay off of him.

Ben shrugged at him, however, and told him, "Don't worry. Commander Ford had to report to headquarters with Katie; the Captain is on B-Deck, and Dr. Westphalen is with Dr. Jones in her office. It's safe." He nodded at Miguel to go change and added, "We're not gonna let you stay in for more than twenty minutes or so anyway."

At least such was Ben's thought. He'd programmed his watch to beep after forty minutes had passed, but never turned on the sound. Lucas ended up staying the water for well over an hour – long enough to play a game with Darwin and do a few laps with some help from Miguel. They were mid-joke about mermaids and Ford when Lucas decided to dunk his head under the water.

He came back up to see the Captain standing beside the moonpool with horror in his eyes, as if the world was ending. "Kristin was on her way down. We have to get him dry and changed in five minutes or we're all going to be in trouble," he told them and reached for Lucas.

"But..." Lucas tried, wanting to stay in a little longer even if he was pretty well pruned. He knew it'd be a while before he'd get to see Darwin again, and he wanted every minute he could.

"No buts, kiddo. You, she won't do more than guilt. Me, she'll torture," Nathan responded. He didn't want to make Lucas leave his best friend, but Kristin would and could make all their lives miserable if she found out Lucas had been swimming in something other than a bathtub.

"Oh, I don't know about torture. Maiming. Now that has a certain appeal to me," Kristin's voice came from behind them and Ben attempted to escape from the room. "Don't even think about it, Lieutenant," She told him and walked further into the room.

Lucas searched for something to say that would get them all out of trouble, but came up with nothing. He tried looking innocent, which only earned him the Kristin Westphalen look of death – her arms crossed over her chest, both eyes squeezed into a glare, and her entire body leaned back on her heel.

"I just wanted to play with Darwin," He told her. "I only went under once."

Kristin didn't look appeased, "It's not your head I'm worried about. It's your chest! Out!" She made a shooing motion with her hand and grabbed Miguel as he attempted to escape. "I want him out of the pool, Mr. Ortiz. Not you out of the room."

Miguel had the decency to be embarrassed and helped Ben to pull Lucas from the water. The trio stood dripping at the edge of the pool then, all looking sheepish and their faces red. Lucas scratched an arm idly, but Kristin could tell it was an act – he didn't feel guilty and he seemed almost pleased by his actions.

"You two. I know you want to help him but do I really need to explain that you shouldn't help him catch pneumonia." She turned her acid glare to Nathan, "I told you no good would come from the three of them going off on their own. They can't stay out of trouble when world leaders are onboard, why would they just because he's sick?"

Nathan countered with an argument that they'd just wanted to let Lucas see Darwin, that Lucas hadn't been in nearly long enough to get sick and he even gotten some exercise without stressing his body too much. "And look, he's standing. He didn't look like that when I left him."

Kristin opened her mouth to respond, but Lucas cut her off, "Hi, yeah. 'He'? Is right here. Could you stop acting like I'm a four year old who got lost in the supermarket?"

"Lucas, I know you think you're well enough to go swimming but there's bacteria and other organisms in that water. If you're exposed to it for too long, you'll have another delay in your treatment so we can medicate you," Kristin told him. She clearly didn't care what he had to say, simply that he understood that she didn't want him swimming.

He started to whine, only to have her talk over him, "Fine, you want to be sick? Go ahead, get in. Come on then," she moved forward and the menacing stature wasn't something she had intended.

But Lucas' brain matched the tone, the posture, the words and he was curling up to protect himself before he realized he was doing it. Someone's hand was on his back and Kristin was crouched before him, clearly upset at what had happened. As if she hadn't realized that her anger could bring about one of his defenses.

"I'm sorry," He told her, uncurling enough that his back was to the glass. "I don't... I just..." He rubbed his face and scrunched his eyes to keep from crying; he was frustrated and scared. "I'm so sorry."

Kristin shook her head, "No, sweetheart. It's not your fault, okay? I shouldn't have made you feel threatened." She touched his shoulder and when he didn't flinch, she took his hand in hers. They sat there in the silence for a few minutes while Ben and Miguel changed out of their suits. When both men returned, they helped to get Lucas back into his civvies and Kristin continued to be quiet.

"Come on, pal. I think we all could use a nap now. Lieutenant, please let Commander Ford know that I'm taking the rest of the day off and see to it that the bridge repairs are completed," Nathan told Ben as he helped Lucas to his feet and then settled him back into the wheelchair.

He started to push Lucas out of the room, but stopped suddenly and turned. Kristin was still sitting on the floor, looking dazedly at the place were Lucas had been; Nathan patted Lucas' shoulder and went to her, whispering things the boy couldn't hear until Kristin got to her feet. She dabbed her eyes with the end of her sleeve and Lucas felt even more guilt flood him, his cheeks warmed as they reddened.

Lucas attempted to apologize again when Nathan returned to him with Kristin in tow, but Kristin waved it off with a hand and Lucas looked at his feet instead. She took his hand just before they made it to Nathan's quarters, something which surprised him but confused him as well.

Once safely inside the Captain's quarters, Lucas allowed Nathan to help him onto the bunk and remained silent even when Kristin started to talk. She was upset that she'd triggered such a response from him and she went on for a good ten minutes about it before Lucas finally stopped her.

"It's alright, really. I didn't even know I was doing it," he shrugged. "It's just something I do and it's not because I'm scared of you or anything like that."

Kristin sighed, "I didn't think so, but I still feel badly at it, Lucas." She admitted a few seconds later that it made her angry as well, that his reaction had made her want to throttle the Wolenczaks for what they had done.

"Don't be," He told her and pushed himself back, lying on the bed. He closed his eyes and hoped she'd let him be; she did, but Lucas knew it was on a reprieve – Kristin was going to push the issue and probably try to convince him to go into therapy.

He made a face. Therapy, right. He'd been in therapy twice, both times at Stanford and both times his father had shown up. Lucas didn't trust such people; they held nothing in confidence and even if the outcome wouldn't be the same as back then, he didn't want to push it with the Captain. Nathan was the first person he'd met in his life who'd believed him without doubt and Lucas feared what would happen should he admit to a therapist things he couldn't share with anyone, not even Ben.

Nathan pulled a blanket over him. "Night, kiddo," he whispered and then there was the noise of people shuffling about, the scrape of chairs against metal, and the murmurs of a conversation as he fell asleep.


	6. Chapter Six

"_The only reason for time is so_

_everything doesn't happen at once_."

- Albert Einstein -

SeaQuest was finally underway. Lucas reveled in the feel of the boat as it sluiced through the water, a feeling he'd missed when they'd been in dock. It really was something he'd grown used to and found it soothing; the gentle rock of the boat as she swept through the ocean, the smell of the salt water permeating everything.

Nathan had just about rejoiced when seaQuest was moving again, but of course there had immediately been trouble that they'd had to deal with. It had taken over most of Nathan's time the first week and Lucas saw the man only rarely.

It hadn't bothered Lucas though. Just before the refits and repairs were completed, Nathan and Ben had brought him to his new room. He'd been a little upset at first, missing his own cramped quarters but the first night he spent there won him over, or, rather, the bigger bed had. It didn't hurt that he could finally see Darwin again; a section of Bridger's Folly ran along the wall and it comforted him that he could once again sleep with his hand on the glass.

That first week he spent getting used to having more space to spread out, though he'd realized by the fourth day that several of his computers were missing and several other pieces of his technological gear. Lucas knew they had to be somewhere, so he didn't worry.

"Hey, kiddo," Nathan knocked and entered the room, dropping down the small steps into the room. "I see you've made yourself right at home," he laughed as he looked around and saw Lucas' dirty laundry strewn all over. Kristin had no longer strictly controlled the amount of junk food the boy consumed and there were several candy bar wrappers around.

Lucas waved as he munched on a Snickers, swallowed and said, "Hey, Captain." He was propped up on pillows and his PAL nearby. In other words, Lucas had had his treatment and was full of anti-emetics and painkillers – he had the munchies.

"Well, at least you're eating now," Bridger smiled and settled onto the foot of Lucas' bed. "How are feeling?"

Lucas shrugged, "Hurts like always. I just woke up." Kristin had kept him overnight and then had him released to quarters that afternoon after he'd woken from his nap, but he still went right back to sleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

Nathan nodded. He sighed after a minute and spoke again, "We have to talk, pal. Think you're up for it?" Bridger watched him as Lucas said he was alright, and prepared to tell Lucas about Kristin's latest news.

"The doctors have been talking again," He started, and smiled at Lucas' expression. He knew nothing he liked came of when the quartet was left to discuss his care. Nathan continued, "Abbott and Jessie are recommending that following the next round of chemotherapy, that you have radiation."

"No, I don't want that," Lucas started immediately. He'd voiced his objections ardently to the idea and he still didn't like it. He'd rather deal with the chemo than have radiation blasts shot at his body. "Why do they want to do that?" Lucas asked, wanting to know what reason there was for them to suggest that course of treatment.

Nathan pursed his lips. It made his heart twist and he told Lucas, "From the look of your bloodwork, the cancer is getting worse. They thought it was getting better, but the numbers jumped and Kristin says she wants to get another body scan."

Lucas' face was stone, hardened in a way no child's should. He was closing himself off from it and Nathan reached for him, pulling Lucas to him. He didn't speak or make any noise of comfort at all, simply held Lucas and let the boy's tears soak into his uniform without complaint.

Eventually Lucas grew uncomfortable with having his leg shoved under himself and he pushed himself back, brushing the moisture from his cheeks as he moved. Lucas muttered, "I'm sorry," and looked at the Captain.

"I've told you before, kiddo. I don't care if you cry. If I were the one sick, I would cry for me too," Nathan told him, patting Lucas' leg. He helped Lucas to settle back under the blanket and tapped the tank in greeting when Darwin appeared, "I wish we hadn't needed to keep you two apart for so long."

"It's alright." Lucas waved a hand in the air, warding off that conversation. He wasn't ready to be upset about the enforced separation of himself and Darwin; he knew it would likely be the source of his first father-son fight with Nathan and he half dreaded it. "Where did my other computers go?" He asked instead.

Nathan smirked. "In your office, pal," he told the boy and waited for the information to sink in.

"Office?" Lucas looked at Bridger funny – he didn't have an office. His work was always split between his room and the seadeck, which made sense considering his research included Darwin. "What office?"

"Your old quarters," Nathan responded. "We refit it to be an office and divided all of your gear between them." He seemed pleased with himself and Lucas' smile only made him even more happy that he'd asked to have Lucas moved closer to his quarters. "You understand that this means no bunk there, right?"

Lucas shrugged, "So I have to come back here to sleep." He didn't voice any complaint though, because he knew it'd lack any oomph for one reason and one alone: Lucas liked that he was across the corridor from his father. Though it was too far for him to walk at that time, Lucas knew that when his nightmares grew bad, he'd be able to slip into Nathan's quarters without having to traverse the entire ship.

The thought warmed him. Lucas often had nightmares and terrible ones at that. Sometimes his mind made up realms with a post-apocalyptic world filled with death and destruction and sometimes they were his memories of Lawrence bearing down on him or his mother leaning against the sink, chewing on a piece of toast, while Lucas looked up at her and begged for anything that would ease the pain in his belly. That the Captain could be there when he couldn't sleep was calming.

Of course he knew he'd not take advantage of that too much, because he needed to deal with such things on his own, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't do it. Nathan protected him when things had been bad and Lucas knew the Captain wouldn't balk if he sought comfort.

"Lucas, you still with me, pal?" Nathan called softly.

"Huh? Sorry." The boy blushed and shrugged, "Just thinking." He looked at Nathan and said, "Doctor Westphalen brought up therapy today. I don't want to go."

Nathan sighed and hated that he may have to press the issue himself; Lucas needed someone to talk to who wasn't completely biased in his favor. He didn't mind that Lucas talked to him, surely, but Lucas held back more that he spoke about. Nathan wished he could blame it on the age and that Lucas was simply being a teenager, only what the boy held back were things no teenager had to think about.

"I'm okay, really," Lucas pleaded when Nathan didn't jump to say something. "I don't need a therapist. I promise."

"Hey, hey. Calm down," Nathan soothed; Lucas was going to give himself a panic attack if he didn't relax. "Why don't you want to see a therapist?" He asked, hoping Lucas could give him a reason he could pass onto Kristin. Nathan truly didn't want to force Lucas into something he didn't want to do – it would only make Lucas feel even more helpless than he already did.

Lucas didn't answer. Just looked at his hands, fearing what would happen if he opened his mouth. He knew words would pour from his lips and weave the tale of what had happened the last time he'd gone to one. Then Nathan had given him the look that spoke of understanding and that was it.

It was like the floodgates had been opened and Lucas spilled it all – from the feeling of betrayal to the hesitation to see the second one and the sudden appearance of his father at the school thereafter. The way no one even looked twice at him when Lucas limped into his classes the next morning, wearing sunglasses and a sweatshirt.

He admitted everything and didn't shed a single tear. Lucas wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"_We may define therapy as_

_a search for value_."

- Abraham Maslow -

Lucas ended up in therapy anyway. And he was most certainly not happy about it.

Dr. Smith, brought on the ship to replace the former psychologist Dr. Bonneau, had been told of Lucas' hesitation in seeing her and she'd tried her best to ease him into it, but Lucas was resistant. Bitterness with the profession was not new to her and she gave it her best effort to assure Lucas that she wasn't going to tell Nathan anything about what he said to her.

Still, it was clear that he did not trust her in the slightest. He spoke about how bad the cancer made him feel and about his friends on seaQuest, but never strayed into harder topics like his biological parents or the events of his childhood. Lucas was careful with how much he gave her, measuring it out before he came in and when he reached the end during a session, he'd not say anything more.

Wendy was growing increasingly convinced that Lucas wasn't going to benefit from traditional psychotherapy. She'd met several people in the course of her practice that had dealt better with their issues through alternative therapies; her view was solidified as Lucas sat before her, looking for all the world like someone was about to kill him.

"Lucas, I think I have an idea. Something that you can do in your room whenever you want," she told him and then explained, "Some people have an easier time drawing or sketching out feelings." His eyes picked up and she quelled the glee just a bit by telling him, "You'd still have to discuss them, okay?"

He shrugged, "So what's the point?"

"The point is, you'll have to talk about how you feel about the picture. What you were feeling when you made it and you can tell me about what you were thinking at the time or not. All up to you," She leaned back in her chair a little and noted that he'd relaxed himself. She had a feeling she'd had the right idea. "I don't think you like being in the same room with me. I think you're expecting me to force something out of you and maybe this will help you to get out some of what you need to without feeling threatened by me."

Lucas made a face, not quite believing it, but he nodded anyway and hoped for the best. Wendy wasn't wrong when she said he felt threatened by her, though he did understand he shouldn't be. He didn't trust her in the slightest, yet Lucas knew he needed to do something – he couldn't spend the rest of his life relying on the Captain.

He continued to think the same even after he'd returned to his quarters. It was a mantra in his head; Lucas had to make himself believe he was doing the right thing and when Nathan came by with his dinner, Lucas was still in thought over it.

"Lucas?" Nathan touched his shoulder, "You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just... thinking. About Dr. Smith," He admitted and Lucas looked at the contents of the tray. He felt his stomach roll and closed his eyes against the rise of bile in his throat, pursing his lips and swallowing.

"What about her?" Bridger was sure Lucas was nauseous, but Kristin had said Lucas' feeding tube – something that had been removed just before seaQuest was back in the water proper – could be reinserted if he didn't start eating again.

The junk food fetish he'd had the first week had stopped by the middle of week three and after a few days of trying to entice Lucas with any food they had onboard, Nathan was beginning to think it just wasn't going to happen.

Lucas shrugged, "Talking." He twisted his fingers together, then leaned against his pillows, "I have another treatment tomorrow and I..." Lucas scratched his neck and stalled until he Nathan waved for him to continue, "I talked to some people who are like me. The same cancer."

Nathan wasn't at all surprised in the least. The poor kid was stuck on a submarine with two hundred adults and support staff had been brought aboard specifically for him. For Lucas, it was like the entire world had shifted and suddenly he was being noticed after a lifetime of neglect.

He asked, "And? Did they tell you anything good?"

"They, uh, said I can't keep fighting the chemo. That I have to let it make me feel like absolute shit," Lucas told him, glancing up to look at the Captain who seemed to be indifferent to the idea.

"Are you going to?" Nathan asked finally. He moved the tray to the semi-organized desk and moved closer to his son, his back on the tank and his leg touching Lucas'.

Lucas thought it over and smiled as he spoke, "Yeah. Yeah, I am." He felt a weight lift from him and Lucas pointed to the sketchpad he'd asked Ben to bring him. There was a pack of willow charcoal and a set of watercolor pencils on top of it; Nathan handed all of the items to him without asking.

He leaned over and kissed Lucas' forehead, "I'll come back when I get off from duty, okay?" Then he slipped out of the room, without looking back.

Nathan was gone for all of five minutes when Lucas felt something touch his soul and he broke open the charcoal, roughly sketching out two figures. A larger one, body black and faceless stood separated from the second by a thick wall. The second figure he dressed in clothes, not just filling the body in with color, and eyes were added as well.

When he finished Lucas wasn't sure what it meant, only that it felt like he'd gotten something out into the open. The things he kept inside of him started itching to get out and he did another picture, then another. He had fifteen completed and another half-done in the book before he grew tired.

None had color, simplistic in black and white and shades of gray. He knew it probably meant something in psychology terms, but he couldn't bring himself to add anything more to them and Lucas closed the sketchbook. He slipped it under his mattress and laid down, waiting for Kristin to appear.

She had made sure every time he was released to quarters, to stop by at least once. He thought it was to assure the woman that he hadn't died under her care, but Lucas figured when she turned up that night Kristin would have a fair bit to say to him.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

Kristin didn't show. Ben did instead, entering the room quietly and sitting down on the edge of Lucas' bed. Lucas didn't move at first and having been close to sleep, he was tempted to just let himself drift off only he knew Ben would attempt to wake him in a few minutes anyway.

"What, Ben?" He muttered, shifting from his side to his back and propping himself on pillows. Lucas hoped it wasn't something that would involve a long conversation; sleep was rather appealing.

"Nothing, just came to hang out for a minute," Krieg lied and when Lucas made a face, he amended, "I was hoping you'd be awake, maybe talk."

Lucas raised an eyebrow, "Or you're hiding from Chief Crocker because you did something and he's out for your blood." Ben's necked reddened and Lucas grinned, "What'd you do? Starch his underwear? Short sheet his bed?"

"I may have sold something of his by accident," Ben admitted and didn't elaborate, but Lucas was pretty sure that the bottle of Glenfiddich Crocker had been hoarding was no longer on seaQuest.

"Accident?" Lucas laughed – Ben had been eyeing the bottle for weeks, talking about the amount of money he could make from the sale of even two fingers worth of the booze.

"Okay, so it was on purpose. I made sure I gave him twenty percent of the sale." Ben had the decency to look a bit sheepish and settled himself back against the tank where the Captain had been just a few hours before. "Anyway, I got you something." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small envelope.

Lucas took it with shaking fingers. It wasn't sealed shut; the flap had been shoved into the envelope to preserve the contents and Lucas pulled it out, peering at what Ben had placed inside. "Credits? Ben, what am I..."

"Look behind the credits, junior," Ben interrupted. It had taken him days to get his hands on that one slip of paper and he'd be damned if Lucas ignored it.

Flipping the envelope over, the credits fluttered into the boy's lap followed by a small slip of paper. It had an address written out in Ben's scrawled handwriting; his grandfather's name legible at the top and a phone number wedged onto the side.

"Where did you find this?" Lucas asked, flipping the paper through his fingers and staring at the words. It had been many years since he'd seen his paternal grandfather and Lucas wasn't even sure Leo Wolenczak would want to see him, except he knew that the man would.

"That's my secret," Ben told him and patted Lucas' head. "Now be a good boy and go back to sleep before Kristin walks in and makes me her slave for another month."

Lucas snorted. The minute Krieg left he'd be dialing his grandfather. What he'd say when he called, Lucas wasn't sure but he knew he'd come up with something once they both got past the initial shock.

"Thanks, Ben," he told his friend without looking away from the information. "I don't know how you got this, but thanks."

Ben nodded and smirked, "No probably, kid. Just don't be upset if something happens between the two of you, alright?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't think that'll happen, but I'll try not to be," Lucas said, grateful that Ben wanted to protect him from the potential hurt. Lucas still didn't think his grandfather would be upset by his sudden reappearance, but he still asked Ben if he could let the Captain know he wanted to call.

It was always good to have emotional support, no matter what was going on.

"_The simplest toy, one which even_

_the youngest child can operate, is_

_called a grandparent_."

- Sam Levenson -

When the lieutenant had appeared on the bridge, Nathan had felt a moment of panic. He was still not completely at ease with all the ideas being passed between the medical staff or with Lucas' simple idea of letting the chemo decimate his body without any fight toward life. Then Ben told him what he'd done for Lucas.

Lucas had spoken not too long before, during the throws of being sick for several hours, how his grandfather had taken care of him as a young child. The elder Mr. Wolenczak hadn't hurt Lucas during his visits, and generally seemed to give a damn though Nathan couldn't excuse Leo's inactivity over the abuse.

However, if Lucas was willing to forgive, then Nathan knew he should as well.

He handed over control of the bridge to Ford and made his way to Lucas' quarters; Lucas watched him as he walked into the room. It was clear the boy was worried about what the Captain would say, but Nathan immediately put him at ease, "Do you want to dial or do you need me to?"

"I can do it," Lucas told him. He swore he could and Lucas steeled himself. "I just need that," he pointed at the remote for the vidscreen.

Handing it over, Nathan kept an eye on his son, hoping Lucas wasn't about to put himself in a terrible position. He wanted to say something, prepare Lucas for the worst case scenario but he knew Lucas wouldn't listen.

When Robert was born, Nathan's father had told him that watching one's child stumble was the hardest thing a parent had to do, but it had to happen. It was part of life that everyone has to learn some things firsthand; Nathan knew it would be twice as hard to stop himself from interfering as it had been with Robert.

It was several seconds before there was an answer.

Seeing Leo Wolenczak, Nathan could see where Lucas had gotten his gentle features and the soft brown hair that the boy's father hadn't possessed. The man seemed to be a typical grandfather, wearing a polo shirt with khakis and worker's gloves as he tended a small garden.

"Papi," Lucas managed to get out. He waited. He hoped, and he glanced at Nathan before grabbing his hand and holding on with all his strength.

Leo eventually pulled himself up and approached his vid, looking at it as if Lucas weren't real. It took him a few seconds to speak and when he did, he said, "Oh, god, Lucas. I never thought..." Leo collected himself, "How are you? You got so tall."

Nathan felt his entire body go loose; he breathed. There would be no venom shot at Lucas right then and he let down his guard enough to move out of the way. He intended to grab the old tray (which Lucas hadn't touched) and find something else he could tempt the boy with.

"Is that Captain Bridger?" Leo asked, stopping Nathan in his tracks. He immediately put the tray down and turned back to the vidscreen, nodding at the man and settling back on the bed beside Lucas.

"Yes, sir. I am. It's a pleasure to meet you," He replied.

"I have to admit Captain, when I finally tracked Lucas down, I was worried about how you treated him," Leo said, wringing his hands the same way Lucas did when he was stressed. "Everyone told me to not worry and I'm happy to see their faith in you wasn't misplaced. I want to thank you for doing what I never had the courage to."

Nathan softened his gaze and told him with a shake of his head, "You don't have to thank me." He touched Lucas arm, "He's been worth it all."

It made Lucas blush; Nathan felt just a little bad for making Lucas feel embarrassed in front of his grandfather, but it was an opportunity to tease the boy. He smirked at his son, then told Leo, "He's certainly a unique boy."

Leo grinned in response, "He always has been. It was very amusing watching him in the pool with not one stitch of clothing. We'd get him in a suit and he'd tear it right back off." He laughed when Lucas started to slide himself further under his covers.

"Precocious child," Nathan laughed.

"Oh, yes. And a little heartbreaker, too," Leo told him, moving into a deck chair and relaxing. "He had three little girls that would follow him around every time he came to visit."

Lucas hid his face in Nathan's side, trying to avoid letting either of the men seeing how red his face had become. He wasn't crying and Nathan assumed Lucas was simply wishing they'd both stop teasing him.

Nathan couldn't let that go without getting in his own comment, of course. "He's still a heartbreaker," he told Leo, and laughed as he added, "This time, though, he's being the one following." Nathan let his hand fall onto Lucas' shoulder and patted him, "Most of the crew think it's cute that he's got a crush on my lieutenant commander."

There was a groan from below him and Nathan made a gesture with one hand that said they'd taken their joke as far as it could go. Leo nodded with a small grin, happy to have seen how at ease Lucas was with his new father.

Through the years, Leo had felt so much guilt for his grandson's fate. He'd tried several times to speak up, but Lawrence would only remind him that Lucas was his son and he could do as he pleased. The pictures the younger man had sent him depicting a bleeding Lucas hadn't helped either.

He'd tried other things, like having Lucas stay with him as much as possible. As Lucas got older, that became increasingly hard to do since the boy had classes and homework and a few close friends who'd seemed to help him without knowing they were doing so. Leo had then attempting going to see his grandson at the Wolenczak home more often, but it was only a matter of months after he started doing so that Lawrence got a new job and the family moved from Florida to New York.

Leo thanked him once more and again he was rebuked gently, then Nathan asked him to give him a minute. He watched as Nathan stood up; Lucas was asleep, his cheek bumping the bed when Nathan moved and his head was no longer supported by the man's leg. Bridger shifted Lucas into a better position and tucked the covers around him.

There was gesturing then and Leo found himself staring at the UEO logo, a soft feminine voice thanking him for holding and someone would be with him in just a moment.

It gave him a minute to think over what he'd like to tell Nathan, the things he knew Lucas would never say to anyone. There had been so much in the boy's childhood that had been horrendous and terrible, but then there had been moments when Lucas had almost seemed like a normal boy. The times Lucas had gone skinny dipping in the pool were just the tip of the iceberg.

When the connection was reestablished, Leo could see that Nathan had gone to another room. There was a bunk behind him, some pictures scattered around the room depicting a woman and a young man; the frame closest to Nathan's bed had a picture of Lucas beside an open journal that looked old and worn.

Nathan settled into a chair, his shoulders tense while the rest of his body simply looked too tired. "I'm sorry he wasn't awake for longer. Lucas is currently in the middle of his fourth round of chemotherapy and he's pretty exhausted from it," He told the other man, noting how Leo instantaneous drew in a breath against the news.

Wolenczak was shocked at the news, but tried no to show it, though he did admit, "I wondered why he had no hair. Lucas used to pitch a fit if I tried to get him anywhere near a barber shop."

Nodding dully, Nathan and Leo began a long discussion. Nathan needed to know what had stopped a man who'd obviously cared for his only grandchild from reporting the abuse to the proper services. Leo needed to know how Lucas was after six years apart; he asked Nathan about the cancer and how bad it was.

Their conversation went back and forth over the next four hours. It was the play of people getting to know each other, sharing a common interest. Leo shared bits and pieces of the happier portion of Lucas' childhood – Lucas' stubborn streak was prominent even as a child – and Nathan told him about Lucas' work, his friends, and Julianna.

But all good things had to come to an end and when Kristin burst into his quarters at 3am, she was not pleased to see Nathan was still awake. She allowed for introductions, then shooed both men off to bed though it was a safe bet in Nathan's mind that Leo would not be sleeping that night.

"He seems like a nice man," Kristin told him as she flung pajamas at him. She disappeared into his bathroom, shuffling through the various drawers and reemerging with two ibuprofen and a cup of water.

Nathan sighed and took the two pills, chased it with the water, and fixed his clothes. They stood in the middle of his room, silent, for a few minutes and then Nathan told her, "I had a talk with Lucas today. About the treatment."

She perked up, "He agreed to radiation?"

"No. He actually got agitated when I brought it up. He wants to stick to the current treatment for now," He told her, and added, "And he said something about not fighting the chemo anymore. I didn't really understand, but I told him I'd let you know."

Kristin wasn't surprised. Through the years she'd practiced medicine, she'd developed a certain affinity for cancer patients, finding their faith in the face of something to horrifying to be something inspirational.

She'd met many a child whose dreams had been taken away by the illness and replaced with wisdom far greater than their years. They were usually the ones to tell her they fought in the beginning, but, in the end, they let go to allow the treatments to do their job. It was a difficult idea for her to grasp then and still was, yet Kristin knew Lucas was doing what was best for him.

It was her only hope that it didn't end with him sicker than he already was.

"_Sleep is pain's easiest salve_."

- John Donne -

As it turned out, Lucas' cell count had shown a decrease because of a bacterial infection that was easily treatable with high doses of antibiotics. Seeing as it was something that was cured without too much trouble, Kristin refused to put off his treatment and Lucas spent the next three days in his bathroom between doses of anti-emetics.

Nathan and Ben switched off on who stayed with him when Kristin couldn't, but Lucas was medicated on so many different things that he didn't really notice. It was only after his painkillers wore off and the other meds were beginning to leave his system that he realized.

Lucas had Kristin send them both to their quarters and the fourth night after his latest dose of chemo, Kristin sat in the bed with Lucas. His head was pillowed on her thigh and Lucas held his pound puppy to him with one arm.

Kristin rarely slept through the night. Her circadian rhythm had been disturbed by Lucas' illness from the start and she hadn't slept a full night since the diagnosis. But lulled by the sound of Lucas' even breathing, she did so while sitting up and resting against the glass of Bridger's Folly.

When she woke, Kristin was pleasantly surprised to see Lucas was still in the same position as he had been when she'd fallen asleep. He'd made it from the time he'd laid down to the time she'd woken up without vomiting again and Kristin let out a sigh of relief. His body had calmed down enough to let him rest and that was something she relished.

Unfortunately, Nathan ended that when he bustled in and nearly tripped over a pile of Lucas' clothes, managing to save the breakfast he'd brought them from spilling all over the floor. Kristin glared at him as Lucas was startled awake – she'd hoped he'd get a few more minutes rest before she woke him.

"Sorry, kiddo," Nathan apologized, avoiding looking at Kristin who he knew would chew him out later for his comical, yet ill-timed, entrance.

He'd gone by the room earlier, wanting to check on them and thought it would be nice to have breakfast ready for them when they both got up. He'd been conscientious of the things close to his feet then, but with the tray in his hands and the days events on his mind, Nathan had simply forgotten about the chaos of Lucas' quarters.

Nathan set the tray on the nightstand (the only clean surface in the room) and then turned to tidy the pile he'd tripped over. Kristin stopped him before he could reach the clothes, "Don't you dare touch that!"

He turned to look at her, confused, "What?"

"Those are the clothes he threw up on last night. I don't want you to get your hands all mucky from them, at least not without gloves." She gestured to the bathroom and told him, "My medkit has gloves if want to clean it up that badly."

As expected, Nathan went to the bathroom and retrieved the gloves from the kit. Kristin wished he'd leave it alone and let her call some of her nurses down to take care of the clothing, but she knew he wasn't going to.

While Nathan got the clothes into a bag to be cleaned and sanitized the floor, she helped Lucas to sit up. He was still pretty sleepy, but Kristin hoped the tiredness could help him to keep down at least a few bites of something. If he could keep down some eggs, then Kristin would bring him in for his next dose in the afternoon instead of the morning.

"Okay, Lucas," She murmured as she sat down with the tray in her lap. She was cross-legged on the bed, Lucas just within her reach and she looked at the choices Nathan had made for food. Oatmeal, grits, and scrambled eggs along with water and apple juice. All bland, but Lucas had grown used to such foods since mouth sores had become a big issue during the trial.

Kristin sighed. Though Lucas had no sores at that moment, they were something that regularly appeared when the chemo was most concentrated in his body. It made it difficult to find things that he would eat without an argument, since Lucas didn't like most of the foods they brought him. But despite the difficulties, he eventually would eat something that was provided especially after he found out that the cook was making food specifically for him.

Lifting a spoon of the oatmeal, Kristin had to call Lucas' name several times to get his attention. He didn't lift a hand to take the spoon as he normally did; she knew he was still bone-tired, and had no qualms feeding him as if Lucas was an infant. He took four more spoonfuls before he was awake enough to say no more. He took a couple of sips of juice from the glass and then closed his eyes in a gesture that conveyed he was done.

Nathan had finished his task by that time and told Kristin, "Go shower, change. I'll take care of him." Kristin gave him a grateful look as he took the food from her and put it back onto the desk. He watched her as she escaped to her own quarters, leaving he and Lucas to themselves.

It took Nathan all of five seconds to get Lucas to agree to a quick rag bath; Lucas smiled as Nathan dragged the washcloth down his arms and over his chest, wiping away the sticky residue from the day before. He didn't move at all as Nathan bathed him, though he did try to help get dressed. It took a small argument and Nathan batting his hands out of the way to get Lucas into clean pajamas.

As Bridger got Lucas' socks on, he noticed Lucas had fallen asleep once again. He chose to not wake the boy and instead, he set a PAL beside Lucas and crept out of the room.

He went to his own quarters and settled into the bunk with his journal, writing out a few pages on Lucas' progress and about the conversation he'd had with Leo. He was interrupted by Crocker, who simply walked in without any warning as he did from time to time.

"What can I do for you, Chief?" he asked, standing up.

"My divorce was finalized today, Cap," Crocker told him. "Krieg sold my Scotch and I hear tell..."

Nathan gestured him in and Crocker settled into one of the chairs. Nathan drew out his only liquor, pouring out a shot each of fine Russian Vodka which they both downed without a word. They did two more before Crocker told him about the call he'd made to Helen.

Listening quietly, Nathan chose not to say anything about how calling his ex-wife was just a bad idea even though it was hard to see one of his oldest friends nurse such a broken heart. Manilow had loved his wife. Very much.

Eventually Crocker stopped and just stared at his hands, the distinct lack of his wedding band. Another shot was swallowed and Nathan filled their sudden silence with news about Lucas, happy to see Crocker smile as he told the man about Lucas and his embarrassment when they last spoke to Leo.

The mention of the elder Wolenczak reminded Nathan that he needed to call Leo and let him know that Lucas hadn't been ignoring him, simply preoccupied with being sick. But he knew he could do that later; Crocker needed his friend more than Leo did at that moment.

Crocker didn't linger long, however. He perked up once he got to tell Nathan what was on his chest and he left only an hour after he'd appeared.

Leo's number was surprisingly easy to remember and luckily the man answered after only a few rings. He smiled at Leo, "Hello, sir."

"Hello, Captain. I was hoping to hear from you soon. How's Lucas?" He asked immediately. He'd been worried about his grandson, knowing Lucas would have had one, if not both, of his chemotherapy doses since they'd talked a few days earlier.

"Tired. He's had a rough couple of days," He replied and added, "He's sleeping right now, but I can see if he's up to calling you in a few hours." Nathan looked a little guilty as he said, "Probably not though. He's getting the last dose for this round today and it really tends to knock him for a loop."

"I'm not surprised," Leo admitted. At Nathan's curious look, he explained, "Lucas' grandmother, Mia, was a beautiful woman. She was so excited when she found out Lawrence was going to have a child. But she got sick. Ovarian cancer had spread to her lungs and then to her lymph nodes. She would get so weak after treatments that I could carry her like baby." Leo shrugged, "Lucas is just as smart as she was and he's such a sweet kid. I'm not surprised he reacts like she did."

Nathan sat up straighter while he listened to Leo tell him about his wife. He felt the sadness in the tone and he empathized with the man's pain, but he pushed aside the need to comfort Leo to absorb the knowledge that Lucas had a family history of cancer. Neither Cynthia nor Lawrence had mentioned it and Nathan knew it was just one more for his mental list in the ways they had failed Lucas.

"So his biological grandmother had cancer," Nathan muttered to himself, grabbing a legal pad from his desk drawer and scribbling the information down.

"Yes. Didn't..." Leo stopped himself. His expression went grim, "I imagine that if Lawrence didn't tell you that then he likely hasn't given you a decent family history. Did he even tell you that Lucas is allergic to penicillin?"

"No, _he_ didn't, but Lucas did. He's given us as complete a history as a fifteen year old boy can. I'm sure there were things he didn't know or tell us," Nathan replied. He sighed, "I apologize if this question seems at all insulting, but did you know that Lucas was placed on seaQuest under the assumption that he was sixteen?"

Leo shook his head, "I was never told, no. Like I said before, it took me a long time to track down my grandson and when I did, I wondered how he could even have been placed on a ship like that." He ran a hand through his silvering hair and told Nathan, "I'm not surprised that he would have lied to the UEO about Lucas' age."

His face taut, Nathan forced himself to calm his agitation. He wasn't mad at Leo, he reminded himself – he was angry with the other two Wolenczaks and their callousness toward Lucas. Still, he could feel his heart beat a little faster as he explained to Leo that it wasn't just the UEO Lawrence had lied to, but Stanford and others in the scientific world. Lucas' diploma had been given under false pretenses, though it was no fault of his own and Stanford had already said they would reissue his diploma with the correct information attached.

For his part, Leo seemed to only become truly upset when Nathan let him know about the work Lawrence had stolen from his son. While they weren't sure how much Lawrence had taken, the fact was some of his World Power research had been completed on top of mathematics Lucas had helped him to do.

Lucas had admitted he'd only been trying to prove himself worthy of being loved when he'd helped Lawrence. But Lucas had never told any of them which of the data used to create the World Power project was his, beyond knowing that it was mathematical in nature. Kristin and Nathan both assumed it was computer related; they both knew it was likely it was any number of other things – a genius brain was a genius brain and just because Lucas focused on computers didn't mean he wasn't skilled in other areas.

They talked for a while longer, when Kristin came barreling in. "I need you to help me with Lucas. He refuses to let anyone near him and I think he might be having a flashback," She told him without pause and looked guiltless when she hit the button to terminate the connection with Leo. She pulled him from the room then, barely allowing him the time to put down the pen he'd been holding.

When Nathan got into Lucas' room, he could see that Lucas wasn't having a flashback. He wasn't having anything of the sort – Lucas had apparently woken up to three nurses and Kristin in his room. Basic instinct had been to protect himself, but from the look in Lucas' eyes, Nathan knew his son wasn't connecting to reality.

"Everyone out," Nathan ordered immediately. He watched them carefully as they left, making sure Kristin didn't linger or hesitate. The last thing he would need was the woman to hover when Lucas was looking for space, looking for the promise no one was going to stand over him and hurt him.

The minute the hatch closed, Nathan sat himself into Lucas' desk chair and waited. Lucas continued to cower in the corner of his bed, breathing harshly against the glass of the tank, and when Darwin appeared, his fingers twitched.

Slowly, Lucas relaxed and Nathan began to murmur softly. He told Lucas it was alright, that Kristin would never have let anyone hurt him. He promised Lucas again and again that he'd never hurt Lucas and no one on seaQuest would either.

A few more minutes passed before Lucas seemed to catch his breath and he whispered, "Sorry. I didn't..." He hadn't moved his face away from the tank.

Nathan figured the experience coupled with his tiredness meant Lucas simply couldn't move from there and he slid onto the bed, physically pulling the boy away from the glass then laying him back against the mattress.

Lucas didn't let go of him as Nathan moved to sit up.

"It's okay, kiddo," Nathan told him, rubbing his back and trying to get Lucas to release him. It didn't happen; obviously Lucas didn't want to be laying down. Nathan pulled him back up with a sigh, trying to be gentle.

But, limp as a rag doll, Lucas flopped against him. His head whacked into Bridger's shoulder, his hands twitched against his uniform, and Lucas drew in a long breath. He finally found enough strength to get himself into a more comfortable position against Nathan, closing his eyes. "I'm tired."

Not entirely sure how to respond to such a simple question, Nathan said nothing. He'd talked so much lately in his attempts to both comfort Lucas and to get Lucas to talk himself that he wasn't sure what he could say to Lucas anymore.

He wasn't out of things to discuss and argue with Lucas, but he had no answers for when Lucas asked why he had to deal with cancer, for when Lucas complained he was too tired to live. For when Lucas begged them to stop torturing him.

Nathan realized Lucas had fallen asleep once more. He sighed and whispered, "I know, kiddo."


	7. Chapter Seven

"_Time heals what reason cannot_."

- Seneca -

Six days.

Lucas had been trapped in the medbay for six days at Kristin's mercy and the look he gave Nathan every time the man appeared was one that spoke of vengeance – on day two, Lucas had asked to go back to his quarters, but Nathan vetoed it without letting Kristin say otherwise.

Except it had reached the sixth day and Kristin had overridden Nathan, releasing Lucas.

"He's weak, yes, but he just needs rest. If you're so worried about him, stay in his room for the night," Kristin told him. She smirked to herself, "He's got a bed twice the size of yours and you've both managed to sleep in a twin before."

He glanced through the open hatchway at Lucas then back at Kristin. She seemed so very sure that he'd be alright and she was the doctor... "Alright," He relented, still worried that it was too soon for someone with barely any energy and newly inserted feeding tube to be out of the medbay.

Kristin sighed when she saw the look on his face. "He's not going to die the minute you get out the door, Nathan. He's tired, he's sick, and he's in need of good nutrition, but Lucas isn't a piece of glass," She told him. Kristin was not surprised in the slightest that Nathan was hesitant and she patted his arm, "Take him back to his room. Put on some of his music and let him sleep. You have paperwork you can do."

Nathan nodded and walked out into the medbay, seeing Abbott and waving hello to the man. He chose to ignore the vid he held, knowing it was innocuous but Nathan still found inappropriate; Lucas gave him a small smile when he came in, his entire body languid. "And what have you been doing, young man?"

Lucas' eyes widened and Nathan patted his hand. "There isn't a man on this planet who hasn't seen some sort of pornographic something. Just remember – no one looks like those models in real life," he told Lucas and he was sure if Lucas could have melted through the floor at that moment, he would have.

The blush on Lucas' cheeks put him at ease. As did Lucas' smartass comment about models being alive. He cuffed Lucas gently on the side of the head and told him, "You know what I mean!"

"So can we go home now?" Lucas asked, grinning. He always loved sparring verbally with Nathan; it was made all the better by knowing Nathan wasn't going to hit him for being glib.

"Kristin says you can," He replied and added, "But I'm still going to be camping out in your room for a few days." Nathan smiled at the look on Lucas' face. It was a cross between glee and annoyance and Nathan simply laughed. He knew that look well from the years when Robert had been going through puberty himself.

It took them almost half an hour to get to his quarters after that; Lucas could do little to help speed up the process so Nathan had to go around the medbay, collecting things and signing papers, and had to push him all the way there. He felt mildly guilty that he had to depend on Nathan just to help him get to the bathroom, but Lucas knew any and all complaints or apologizes would be waved off.

"Here," Nathan handed him the tablet computer before spreading out a slew of forms and reports on Lucas' desk. He had a thousand different forms that he could have had Jonathan do, but the man had enough to do without an added three hours worth of paperwork.

Lucas happily took the computer and booted it up, glad it had the touch screen – he knew he'd never have been able to control a touchpad with his fingers shaking as they were. The screen didn't require as much finesse as the pad would have, but it still tired him out. The words on the screen and the coding there made his head hurt from the effort to read it all, and Lucas eventually put it to the side.

He glanced at Nathan, who was engrossed in reading a report from the science team on who knew what, and reached under his mattress. His sketchbook was safely hidden there, the charcoal protected in a thin box beside it.

While he knew he didn't have to hide his drawings from Nathan, it was still something he did, a protective instinct to hold onto what was his. Luckily, the man never asked about them or even tried to look at them. The only real thing Nathan had done to let Lucas know he was aware of the sketchbook was the sudden appearance of a few small boxes of art supplies, but Lucas mainly stuck to charcoal so the other supplies were stacked neatly on various shelves should he ever want them.

"Wendy is going to come by in half an hour," Nathan told him without turning around.

It startled Lucas a little and the sketch he'd been working on now had a thick line running through the center. He sighed, "Can't I..."

Nathan turned around in the chair, his face set and he told Lucas, "No. You've had a reprieve for the last week and a half because you were sick." He could see Lucas hesitate and he hated when Lucas did that. Hesitation meant Lucas wanted to say something but he was scared to. "Just say it, kiddo," Nathan softened his eyes but refused to gentle his expression down to something Lucas could try to take advantage of to get out of therapy.

"You love Kristin, right?" Lucas asked, worrying his lower lip and looking anywhere but at his father.

That threw him for a loop. He hadn't expected Lucas to ask about his relationship with Westphalen at all. It was just one of those things Lucas didn't normally do, but it was evidently related to what was bothering him and Nathan told the boy, "Yes, I do."

Lucas scratched his arm, "So you aren't... I mean..." He stopped and thought over what he wanted to say, then spoke again, "You don't like Wendy then?"

Nathan ran a hand over his hair. How precisely to explain to Lucas that Wendy was not a threat to Kristin or to any of the family Lucas had found on seaQuest. "Wendy is a good doctor, Lucas. She's very pretty, but she's not Kristin," He said, watching Lucas relax. "And even if Kristin and I were to not love each other, you wouldn't lose her, you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Lucas nodded. He'd been worried since she came aboard that Nathan would do something stupid like leave Kristin for Wendy. "I'm sorry," he added after a few minutes had passed, "I just worried and..."

Wendy knocked on the hatch then and Nathan stood to greet her. She looked knowingly at the Captain, aware from the flush of Lucas face she'd likely been a part of whatever discussion she'd just interrupted.

"There is nothing in this world that would ever make Kristin give you up, even if she hated every bone in my body, okay?" Nathan whispered to Lucas and then he left with paperwork in hand.

Ah. Wendy knew what was going on; she took up Nathan's vacant chair, telling him, "I'm not here to break up anything, Lucas. I want you to understand that. Kristin asked me to come aboard seaQuest for you – not the UEO or the court, Kristin. I would never put myself in between her and the Captain."

Lucas eyed her for that, measuring up the response as if ensuring it was sincere. He didn't say anything in reply, but instead, picked up his sketchbook and went back to drawing. She assumed that was Lucas' way of accepting what she said – he'd probably would've started arguing with her if he hadn't.

He said nothing for the next five minutes until Wendy finally prodded him with questions about the art and Lucas handed her the book. She flipped through the twenty or so drawings he had done and a few that weren't completed; the book itself had the impression, the feeling of pure, unadulterated _relief_.

"Has this helped any, Lucas?" She asked, knowing it already had but needing him to say it. Wendy hoped the feelings Lucas had unconsciously left on the papers could help her guide him to speak. Sometimes that's all a person needed was to be given questions that had simple answers.

"A little," He lied – it had in fact helped a lot, but he wasn't going to give her the benefit of knowing that just yet. He liked being able to control some of what Wendy knew, even if it was for ill reasons.

"Good," She told him, not caring that he'd lied to her. Well, she did but she knew on the scale of things, it was a little fib and she wasn't going to press it. Wendy set to looking through his drawings rather than harangue him over it, amazed at the detail work in Lucas' pictures. She hadn't expected the depth of work he had put into them; maybe a few pencil pictures, but what she held was far more than that.

Lucas had drawn amazingly realistic renditions of people, though they lacked faces, and even his more abstract designs were done with the technique of someone who'd been doing such things for years. There were a few stray marks, but they were barely noticeable and didn't take away from the image itself.

She flipped through the drawings, looking at each and feeling for any glimpse of what Lucas had felt when he'd made them. There was a sense of '_mother_' to one with a rendition of what was likely supposed to be Kristin, an underpowered feeling of happiness to one of an older man watching over a smaller figure.

Then she touched the first drawing in the sketchbook. It was two figures, one faceless but detailed and the other a mass of black scribbles. She felt belonging as she touched it and she knew without a doubt it was Lucas' putting Lawrence and Nathan beside each other in a matter of speaking.

"How have things been with Nathan?" She asked then, sure he would respond positively.

Wendy wasn't wrong. "It's good," Lucas told her, shrugging. He didn't feel so inclined to elaborate, but she was watching him expectantly and he added, "He's what I wish my d... Lawrence had been like."

"Why do you do that?" She asked. It wasn't unusual to hear a victim of abuse correct themselves to call their abuser by something else, but Lucas always did it. He never let himself get out any other term for Lawrence other than his name and Wendy wondered why he never let it slip. It would be understandable, after all. "I don't think anyone would be upset if you called Lawrence your father."

He shook his head wildly; his eyes widened and Lucas told her, "I can't." He tightened his reigns on his emotions, forcing himself to explain. "I wasn't allowed to call him daddy when I was little and I couldn't call him dad in public. He _trained_ me like I was an animal and if I messed up, it hurt."

Lucas wrung his hands, "I don't want to feel like I'm... his property anymore."

It wasn't an unrealistic expectation and Wendy respected that. She could see Lucas was simply trying to make the best of his situation in a manner that would leave him without feeling like Lawrence had been right and he was a failure. It was humbling to watch Lucas reaching into himself and trying to get past what his father had done to him in such a simple way.

They talked over the pictures for a while longer, until Wendy touched the final picture and felt abject fear. It was words coupled together, written over each other and biting. There were scathing words and bitter ones, and Wendy couldn't make heads nor tails of it. She'd never seen something so angry before in her practice. At least not something so angry that wasn't directed at the abuser.

She looked up at Lucas, "This is powerful." Wendy knew her words carried a weight she hadn't intended. She immediately tried to temper it but Lucas had started to speak and she dared not stop him.

"My dad never... He never touched me, like molested me. I mean that's just not something he'd do," Lucas started. His body was shaking and she reached into her pocket for her PAL, prepared to call Nathan the minute Lucas broke down.

He refused to cry. Lucas knew Wendy was figuring he would, but he wasn't going to allow it; he talked instead. "When I got to Stanford, I thought maybe since he wasn't there, I could finally tell someone. Didn't care what they did after that," he stopped and sniffled. "The second therapist I had there seemed so nice, like maybe I could trust him."

"Lucas..." She stopped him. His face was red and his fingers were clenched so tight she worried his nails were cutting his palms. "I think maybe we should call your father down here."

"Why?" He recoiled from her. He'd be right, he'd been so right – therapists just couldn't be trusted.

She breathed. Wendy knew her statement had effectively damaged the relationship they'd been building but she knew Lucas needed his father right then. She hadn't had a reason to suspect Lucas had been sexually abused and suddenly there were huge indications; he likely hadn't told anyone since it happened and even though children seemed to have a harder time talking about it then adults, Lucas was developmentally in the middle. He was a new ball game and she knew the best person to be there was Nathan.

"We don't have to, okay? I think it would be best for you because I know you're comfortable with him. You don't fear the Captain the way you fear some of the others – you wouldn't sleep in the same bed with him if you didn't. It's just a suggestion though." Wendy didn't dare move from her spot and she made sure to make a show of putting the PAL on his desk.

She started to ask another question and was completely surprised when Lucas told her, "I do. I want my dad here."

It was the first time he'd ever called Nathan dad in her presence. She didn't hesitate to summon Bridger after that and it was only after he'd appeared, a little flustered, that she was able to explain that Lucas had requested him.

"You alright, kiddo?" Nathan asked him and he crawled into the bed with Lucas when the boy said no. He was concerned and held Lucas hand as he told the story of the deal he had made with the therapist – the things Lucas would do to ensure the man wouldn't call his father on him, the money Lucas paid to keep it quiet what the therapist made him do in the first place.

Nathan had gotten progressively more upset and when Lucas finished, he pulled Lucas to him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into Lucas' hair while Lucas clung to him.

Wendy quietly left the room.

"_Things do not change;_

_we change_."

- Henry David Thoreau -

Lucas' fifth round of chemo was done when Nathan realized Leo hadn't spoken with his grandson in month. He'd immediately called and apologized, leaving Lucas alone with Ben.

Once again pretty weak, Ben was trying to help him eat and entertain the boy at the same time, but failed miserably and Lucas just wished he'd stop. He loved Ben, he did, but as he'd gotten progressively worse, Ben had started to hover closer. Katie tried her damnedest to keep control of him, but that was easier said than done.

Finally fed up with Ben's poor jokes, Lucas told him to stop between bites of bread with butter. And of course immediately said he was sorry because of the hurt look in Ben's eyes, but Ben wouldn't accept it.

"It's not a big deal, junior," Krieg shrugged it off as he spooned up some of the mashed potatoes. He smiled anyway as Lucas took the food and told him, "I've told you to shut up before and anyway, you're the one at my mercy. I can be silent while I torture you."

Lucas made a face at him – Ben knew Lucas didn't like having to be fed and thought it made him vulnerable even though Lucas could still throw a pretty mean punch if he had to. (Ben chose to not think about that incident.) Still, it was an easy way to provoke the boy and Wendy had actually praised him for it; Nathan told him to tone it down a bit, but thanked him as well.

Ben still wasn't sure why, but if everyone kept telling him to do it, then he would. There was very little in the world he wouldn't do for Lucas.

"So I was thinking," Krieg said conversationally.

"That's dangerous," Lucas retorted, amusing himself. He loved teasing Ben as much as the man did him and he loved when he could get a decent shot in. He grinned happily at his friend.

"Ha ha. You're a riot," He poked Lucas in the shoulder. "Anyway, I was thinking – I gave you those credits to pay up for calling your grandfather. I wasn't anticipating the UEO footing the long distance bill for that, but since they are, that's a nice chunk of money you've got." He paused and jabbed Lucas with his finger again, "I thought maybe you should use it for something just for you."

Genuinely confused, Lucas waited for him to explain. It was uncharacteristic for the boy to be so quiet, Ben thought, but he knew it was something borne from his attempts to deal with what was going on around him.

"I know a guy who knows a guy who can get you some really great art supplies."

"Oh," Lucas breathed, eyeing the spoon again and Ben fed him a little more of the mashed potatoes. He chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and said, "Maybe." He smirked, "I've kind of been thinking of getting something else."

Ben of course needed to know what that was. If he could find it for Lucas, he would and he'd make sure Lucas didn't know what he really planned to do with the credits; though Lucas was through college and worked a job that paid him very well, most of Lucas' small fortune had been sacrificed in the course of getting the Wolenczaks' convicted of the abuse. His money had been in an account that was attached to Lawrence's, whose assets had been frozen and in order to get those funds, Lucas would have had to go to court again. But he'd refused to do so, saying he could earn the money back.

Of course, in the mean time, that meant Lucas would have to depend upon the Captain to buy him anything he wanted for leisure. Movies, music, clothes – there was nothing Lucas could afford to buy.

So Ben had come up with a cunning plan to help give him back some of that independence. With Nathan's permission, he'd created an account in Lucas' name and let it leak why to the command staff. The account had built up from the lowly hundred credits he'd put in to open it to a hefty six hundred. Once he had the credits back from Lucas and added in the ones he'd gotten from Leo, Lucas would have nearly a thousand in his account and Ben would tell him about it.

The trick, however, was to get the credits back. He really did want to put the money in there himself and leave Lucas with the ones he'd given him, but he had his own limited supply to work with. He still had bills to pay and Katie would absolute kill him if he went into the red again.

He asked what it was and Lucas avoided his question, telling him, "It's nothing. Can I have some carrots?" He hoped Ben would leave it alone, though he knew it was a moot point.

"Yeah, no problem." The pureed carrots were disgusting looking and Ben was sure he'd never eat them, but if it appealed to Lucas then he wasn't going to point out the consistency was the same as baby spit. He fed Lucas half the carrots and had gotten him to drink several sips of water before he asked, "Really. There's nothing that I can't get, you know."

Lucas grimaced, "I know, Ben, but I want to get this myself. It's important."

The light clicked on and Ben knew what Lucas wanted to get. It was not anything for himself – it was something for Kristin or the Captain. Most likely for the Captain and Lucas wouldn't want someone else to get whatever it was for him. He wanted to get his father a gift and Ben could just imagine the look on Lucas' face when he gave it.

"When you get it, just let me knew how much whatever it is was," Ben told him.

Lucas eyed Ben, knowing his friend was up to something though he was sure it wasn't on the same level as stealing Crocker's scotch. He asked, "Why?"

"My own reasons, kid."

"_Fire, water, and government_

_know nothing of mercy_."

- Anonymous -

Lucas spent his week break between the previous round and the next searching for a gift for Nathan. Amazon, eBay, and Overstock had been quickly cut from the list since he either couldn't afford what he liked or there was nothing special enough. He started then on specialty sites, but it was so overwhelming – dolphin paraphernalia, jewelry, pictures and paintings.

He hated shopping on a limited budget, when they'd built the Stinger, Katie had handled the money and found ways to get all the parts Lucas had wanted. He didn't know how to not live beyond his means when he'd spent years being able to do whatever he wanted, buy anything he wished.

He sighed as he put the laptop on the bed, rubbing the tiredness from his fingers. Lucas glanced at the clock opposite him and groaned – Kristin or someone else would be appearing with his lunch soon. He would argue, inevitable, with whomever came, since he wasn't hungry but everyone took it to mean "I am hungry, but food is just repulsing me right now."

Darwin appeared then as he reached for his sketchpad, tapping the tank's glass and watching Lucas.

"Hey, Darwin," Lucas muttered and grabbed the vocorder, flipping it on as he brought it to his face. Excited chatter shot out at him, a mix of words that made absolute no sense. Lucas immediately tried to adjust it and tapped keys, but nothing changed what the dolphin was saying to understandable English.

He shoved the vocorder against the bed angrily and picked up his laptop. Lucas wonder what peon had fucked with the program; if he had to recreate the language base again, there would be hell to pay.

As he tapped into seaQuest's database, the boat shook hard and a message popped up onto the computer screen. His eyes widened and he jumped up as quick as he could, falling from the bed in the process. He struggled to stand and once he did, Lucas flung himself at the hatch, but he could get it closed fast enough.

A gush of water spewed into the room. Lucas tumbled from the rush of it and the world went black.

He was still unconscious when Ben and several other men came tumbling through the section. Krieg sent the team off to locate any others who were trapped or injured and then gathered Lucas up. He yelled for a seamen to close all hatches once the rooms were cleared.

Ben ran faster than he ever had before, not letting any amount of yells stop him from getting Lucas into the medbay.

"_The people and circumstances around me do_

_not make me what I am, they reveal who I am_."

- Laura Schlessinger -

The hull breach hadn't been the worst seaQuest had endured, but it was in a place that would make it hard to repair. Hitchcock had taken off the minute Bridger allowed her to, intending to locate the area and get her crews down to begin repairing the breach; Krieg had taken a small contingent of enlisted to search the areas that were flooding. So far Westphalen had told the Captain she had six injured, including Lucas and a dozen others with hypothermia after being trapped in rooms with the frigid waters.

Jonathan watched Nathan who obviously wanted to retreat and preserve the life of his crew before someone died, but that want had been outweighed by General Thomas' order that they pursue the hostile vessel. The argument that had proceeded the order had reminded Ford why Nathan was a force to be reckoned with.

"Get Admiral Noyce on the line. Phillips, get a lock on their propeller," he ordered and Ford knew Bridger's patience with Thomas' methods of patrolling the ocean with seaQuest had run out. It was something the commander had been expecting for a while; he was surprised by the calm Nathan displayed as he told the Admiral the state of the boat.

"If they get another hit, Thomas won't have to worry about my captaining seaQuest anymore, Bill!"

And just like that, seaQuest was given the orders to back off and lick her wounds. Nathan dismissed Ford to help with the efforts to account for all the crew members from the flooding decks and sent Crocker to help Hitchcock secure the lower decks.

With the bridge safe from the damage, he handed off command to O'Neill and walked through the clam doors, intending to go directly to the infirmary to check on his injured crew. He was sidetracked, however, when Crocker called him down to seadeck and then by O'Neill who'd called him back to the bridge a few minutes after sorting out what they'd do with Darwin for the time being.

The hostile sub had turned and was chasing them, but just because seaQuest's hull had been damaged didn't mean her engines were damaged as well. He was just about to call for a retreat at top speed when Phillips announced he had a targeting lock on the subs' propeller and Nathan didn't hesitate to fire.

Time with the Captain had taught the man that Bridger's first concern was the preservation of life and he'd lowered the strength of the torpedo before he'd even told the man he'd had a lock. It was a perfect hit too and Miguel would have laughed out loud at the sight of the outdated propeller falling to the ocean bottom if it wouldn't have gotten him chastised by Bridger.

"Have Crocker take over a team and round up survivors," Nathan declared and looked to O'Neill with a small smile.

"Yes, sir," the man replied, nodding, before turning back to his console and contacting Crocker. He glanced over his shoulder as the Captain left once again, explaining the situation to the Chief and then gesturing at Miguel. Channels changed, Tim said, "If you'd laughed, I'd have had to of killed you."

Miguel grinned at him, "Should probably call Dr. Westphalen and warn her that he's on his way down."

"Probably," Tim agreed but made no move to do so.

Unbeknownst to either man, Kristin already knew Nathan was on his way there. She had assumed the minute he'd been informed Lucas was with her that he'd itched to get to his son, but had yet to be able to get away from his obligations to get there. She hoped he could soon, though – Lucas was getting progressively more agitated as he became conscious and it would take more than a few words from her to calm him.

Luckily he appeared before Lucas got combative and he calmed the instant he heard Nathan's voice, stilling his restless body beneath the mass of heavy sheets. "That's it, kiddo," He whispered warmly and then looked to Kristin. "How's he doing?"

She sighed, "He's got a grade IV concussion – some retrograde amnesia, confusion, and he was unconscious for more than five minutes when the lieutenant found him. We'll have to keep him awake for the next few hours, which I'm sure will involve some amount of arguing, but other than that, he's alright."

Nathan was relieved. There could have been any number of things wrong with Lucas in his already-compromised state and likely, there could be something that they wouldn't know about until some time had passed. It wasn't enough to upset him because Lucas was alive and everything else could be dealt with later.

"I guess I'll be camping out down here tonight then," he said to no one in particular. Then Nathan looked at Kristin and told her, "We took a hit. We're confining Darwin to the starboard section of the boat, but his quarters took on some water."

"I'll have it sanitized as soon as it's cleared. I can't release him to anywhere that mildew or mold can develop, so we'll have to look over your quarters as well," Kristin replied. She happily rescinded the latter part of the statement when he shook his head. "Well, at least we can release him to you in the morning if he has no complications tonight."

Lucas, finally a bit more lucid and very much annoyed, told the two of them, "Yeah, hi, I'm right here!" He huffed a bit and closed his eyes, wanting to go back to sleep even know he knew they'd wake him in seconds.

Kristin pinched his arm. "Eyes open, Lucas."

"What was that for?!" He asked, insulted. The boy rubbed his arm when her hand was out of the way and he looked at it, "I'm gonna bruise."

She looked at Nathan and told him someone would come by every hour to check on them both. "I expect someone else to come relieve you at some point so you can rest," Kristin informed him, making it clear that she wasn't going to take any excuses for Nathan not getting some sleep and then left the room.

Lucas stared at him. "You really won't leave, will you?" He asked, gripping the sheets tightly and watching his father.

He smiled gently and touched Lucas' arm, "Not right now. I'll get Kristin to set up a bed for me here with you, but I am going to see if one of the staff can sit with you when I have to check on the boat." Nathan could see Lucas visibly relax and stroked a hand down the boy's arm, "Can't go to sleep, kiddo. Not yet."

"Not asleep," Lucas mumbled back and snapped his eyes open. He sighed; Nathan was pulling the blankets up over him and tucking them around Lucas, despite Lucas dislodging them the minute Nathan moved. "Too warm," he complained, but eventually curled into them anyway.

It was difficult to make Lucas stay awake and Nathan certainly didn't like doing it when Lucas began to get upset, a combination of the concussion and the ensuring tiredness. Luckily it was close to morning when Lucas really began to throw a tantrum, wanting to either be told he could sleep or he could get out of the medbay.

Kristin and Nathan both refused to be swayed by him. Each reminded him that they were parents and parents were immune to the whining of children, which of course only made him whine that he wasn't a child, but it got Lucas to stop saying they were torturing him.

At ten AM on the dot, Kristin told Nathan she'd bring him the release papers later. She wanted Lucas resting in a different bed and since Nathan hadn't slept at all that night despite his promise, she made a few idle threats that he'd better be asleep when she came by to check on them.

Nathan wisely didn't tell her his next shift on the bridge was at 2.

"She's gonna be mad," Lucas told him, falling into a wheelchair with all the ineptitude of someone his age. His legs had buckled under him and with no grace whatsoever, had found himself awkwardly sitting in the chair, one leg over an armrest.

"Yes, well, I'll deal with that later. After I have you in quarters, I can deal with Kristin in one of her moods," Nathan replied. He really didn't want to have to deal with it at all, but the fact remained that he was the Captain and as the Captain, he was required to show up on the Bridge. Especially when seaQuest was in a state such as she was at the moment.

Lucas grew quiet after that and Nathan worried for all of five seconds until he realized that the boy had gone to sleep, still askew in the chair. Nathan smirked; he remembered fondly the days when he'd slept in the most awkward positions and woken with not a crick in his body and as he thought of the times his father had teased him about it, Nathan shifted Lucas around gently. He slipped from the medbay as soon as Lucas was straightened and made it to his quarters in record time.

The cleaning crews had made it through the deck not too long before; he ducked his head into Lucas' room briefly, to inspect the damage and grimaced. It looked like Lucas would need at least one replacement computer.

Nathan got Lucas into his bed with a lot of effort since the boy was out, his entire body dead weight. Once the blanket was pulled up around Lucas' waist, Nathan turned out his lights and wandered back to his son's quarters to ascertain what he'd need to have Ben requisition.

The larger computer dripped out a rivulet of water when Nathan moved it in the search for any other damaged items and he winced – all of Lucas' work had been backed up on that machine.

Several other computer parts were drying, but he didn't know if Lucas could salvage them and Nathan made a mental note to ask Lucas about that later. He found a pile of clothes the crew had missed in their cleaning and he set them aside, so Kristin's nurses could take them down to laundry when they came in later. They would also have to wash Lucas' brand new blanket and the sheets.

Oh, crap.

Nathan reached for the mattress and lifted it, relieved to see Lucas' sketchpad had somehow survived the miniature flood. The pages seemed intact but he wasn't about to open the book to look. Lucas would get upset and he simply grabbed the charcoal, bringing the two items back to his own room. He put them on the shelf and reminded himself he needed to let Lucas know he hadn't seen any of Lucas' work though he wished he could.

"Dad?" Lucas mumbled sleepily at Nathan, pushing himself up lazily to see what the man was doing.

"Go back to sleep, pal," He said and watched as Lucas did just that. Nathan was still a trifle awed that Lucas trusted him enough to do things like sleep in Nathan's quarters and he didn't recoil from Nathan's hand when he raised one in aggravation. Because Lucas knew that Nathan would never hurt him and that made the man smile.

Nathan moved to the bunk and patted the boy's head; he drew his hand back at the strange texture that met his fingers. Lucas' scalp was dry and the stitches were rough and Nathan went to grab the lotion from his bathroom.

Lucas jumped, waking a little, when the cool gel touched his head. He batted Nathan's hand away and whined, sniffling. He complained that his head hurt, trying to rub the lotion into his skin at the same time as he tried to be as gentle as possible.

Disturbed by Lucas' reddening eyes, Nathan called Kristin who promptly told him she wasn't surprised that Lucas was reacting in such a manner. He'd been having bouts of skin sensitivity throughout his treatment, but it hadn't reached his head before. Now that he'd suffered a head injury, it likely made it flare up again. She told him to let Lucas do as he pleased.

It still made him worry. Lucas shouldn't have to deal with his skin hurting for no reason, and Nathan wished he could do something. Lucas wouldn't let him touch his head, however, and Bridger hoped he hadn't destroyed the boy's trust in him with one stupid mistake.

When he finally finished, Lucas closed his eyes and went back to sleep as if he'd never had to wake up in the first place. Nathan breathed a little easier as he settled down at his desk, wanting to sleep but needing to stay awake. His shift was only four hours, so he could be in bed by six fifteen or about then, but he'd still have to deal with Kristin at some point.

He groaned at the thought. Kristin had threatened several times to use medical rank and have him pulled from the duty roster for several days so he could take care of himself, but he couldn't afford that.

Later on, he would rethink the statement – he could have afforded several days off to rest. But male pride was male pride and Nathan refused to let anyone know he was getting run down.

"_Trouble brings experience,_

_and experience brings wisdom_."

- Anonymous -

Hitchcock and Ford had agreed that of all the things they'd seen in their time in the Navy and after all their training, nothing had prepared them for even thinking about what to do in the event that the Captain collapsed. Katie had been horrified when Jonathan threw himself at the man, managing to grab Bridger a second before his head hit the floor.

"He just went down?" Lucas asked Ben for the third time.

With the Captain confined to medbay until Kristin was satisfied that he'd recovered sufficiently, Nathan had asked the command staff and others he knew were close to Lucas to stay with him. Ben had volunteered to take on the first shift, successfully getting Lucas to eat without much of an argument.

Lucas, having been in a deep slumber when Nathan was taken to medbay, had discovered his father's state of health after interrogating Ben. After all, he hadn't been expecting Krieg to bring his breakfast; Lucas had thought he and Nathan would have a nice night talking, like they often did despite Lucas' attempts to not do so.

Truthfully, Lucas didn't mind talking to the Captain about various things, but he couldn't make it easy on the man and he was expecting the usual banter to go between them that night while Lucas drifted in and out of consciousness. It had been a shock to find Ben there, trying to not give up the information until Lucas pointed out Nathan was his father and he'd be told one way or another.

"Well, Commander Ford caught him so he didn't hit his head on anything, but yeah, he just went down," Ben told him and handed Lucas the drink.

Ben had spent the past twenty minutes explaining what had happened on the bridge, or, at least, what Ben had been told happened. He'd gotten Lucas to eat nearly half the meal Kristin had sent him with and he credited that to the boy's distraction. It made it easy to get Lucas to blindly eat or drink whatever was handed to him.

Suddenly Lucas burst out laughing. Though it wasn't actually humorous that his father had collapsed from undiagnosed pneumonia, Lucas couldn't help but think that only they had such terrible luck.

He managed to get himself under control after a few minutes and Lucas grinned at his friend instead of explaining. He figured he could do so later, anyhow; Lucas reached for his sketchpad, continuing to smirk as he started to roughly outline a new drawing.

A lone figure emerged in a flurry of black lines and the moonpool took shape behind it; several minutes passed, and Ben leaned over slyly to see what it was Lucas had drawn so far but Lucas simply shoved him back with a push.

More defined but still faceless, Lucas allowed himself to stop and slipped his drawing pad back under the mattress. He made sure to smile at Ben when he sat back up to emphasize that Ben hadn't seen any of his work.

He leaned there for several minutes and his mind wandered off, ideas spinning and he thought about Nathan. Though he was trying to be brave and not show that he was worried about his father, Lucas wanted nothing more than to see the man. However, he doubted Kristin would allow that just yet. Maybe in a few days.

"You know, I could sneak you..." Ben started. He knew what Lucas was thinking – it was written across the boy's face.

"No!" Lucas told him, "No way! I'm _still_ in trouble with Dr. Westphalen for going swimming." He shivered at the memory of Kristin's threats. Nothing like the idea of being trapped in medbay with a catheter and a tube stuffed up his nose to guarantee good behavior. Nope, he was perfectly content to stay in his room until Kristin told him it was alright to see Nathan.

"But..."

Lucas didn't let him get any further, "Not happening."

Ben shrugged, "Can't blame a guy for trying." He spun around in Nathan's desk chair, which he had flopped into a few moments before, and then asked, "So, what'd you get the Captain?"

"I haven't gotten him anything yet. There's nothing I can find online that I like," Lucas said. He added, "I guess maybe next time we're in port for the day, I might be able to escape Dr. Westphalen and find something for him."

"You'll escape her clutches to go upworld to shop but you won't sneak into the medbay?" Ben teased and when Lucas flashed him the middle finger, Ben just laughed hardily.

"If I go to medbay, I'm going straight into the lion's den. If I'm going upworld, I'll get a few hours before she makes me pay for it." It was sound logic, Lucas knew, and he grinned at Ben, "I'd rather get that time to have some fun and then get her mad."

"Get who mad?"

Kristin was in the hatchway, arms crossed and looking decidedly amused. She seemed to be comfortable leaning against the metal, causing Lucas to assume she'd been standing there for a few minutes at least. She lacked any medical supplies or a wheelchair or any of her nurses; Lucas relaxed with the knowledge she wasn't going to be dragging him to the medbay just yet.

Lucas just smiled conspiratorially at her, trying to appear like they'd been planning something even though they hadn't.

"Lieutenant, you can go," she told Ben. Kristin told him as he left, "I expect you to sleep, Ben. I'll send someone by later to see if you are and I'll be sending them with a sedative." It was a warning and a threat rolled in one, a Westphalen skill. Idly, Lucas hoped Cynthia couldn't do that as well.

"You really need to rest too," Kristin said when she'd turned back to Lucas. She brushed fingers gently down the side of his face; Lucas had finally grown accustomed to her softness, the caring, and he no longer felt the urge to ask why she was being so nice. Lucas had learned that Kristin just was kind, without reason or consequence, and he found himself enjoying far more than he knew was safe.

Then again, safe didn't mean what it used to, didn't it? Before, safe was letting people get close enough to figure out they should stay away, but times had changed and Lucas admitted safe meant something different. Safe meant Lucas could knock on his father's door in the middle of the night and be comforted for a nightmare. It meant Lucas could call Kristin at any hour of the day and no matter what she'd been doing, she would be there in five minutes.

"He'll be okay, right?" Lucas asked, glancing down at his hands and then at her.

Kristin didn't answer right away. Instead she pushed Lucas fully onto his back and arranged the blankets over him, biding her time while she thought of how to explain that Nathan's immune system was doing everything it could but he was still extremely ill and it would be ten days, minimum, before Nathan would even be able to stand up without assistance.

"Mom?"

Startled by the word, Kristin looked to Lucas. Nathan had said Lucas was occasionally calling him dad, but she hadn't expected at all to be called mom. She sucked up the shock and told Lucas, "He's very sick, but I think he'll be fine. Nathan just needs to rest, same as you, and, like you, he also needs to stop arguing with me."

Lucas smiled, "He's giving you a hard time, huh?"

She rolled her eyes at the boy's glee. Of course Lucas would be happy that someone else was driving her insane – she couldn't complain about him for once. Kristin burst that bubble, "He's taken a few pages from your book, because he certainly wasn't a model patient before but he wasn't as stubborn as he's being now. He's using all your tricks to try to get out of medbay.

"Now, I want you to close your eyes and go to sleep," Kristin told him and fished out another blanket. "You have your treatment tomorrow. If your blood work continues to show improvement, this could be your last round."

He happily nodded at the statement and Lucas told her the same thing he'd been saying for weeks about radiation therapy. He didn't want that and though Abbott and Jessie had pushed for it as a final act after the chemo was done, Lucas continued to object. He didn't like the idea of it, but he had promised it could be used as a last resort.

"I know. We'll figure out something later should you need further treatment," She said to him and Lucas closed his eyes, settling into the warmth of the blankets. His pound puppy was still in his quarters, needing to be sanitized, and he pulled a pillow from under his head to hold onto.

"That's it," she murmured, stroking Lucas' arm and she whispered little things to him until he finally slept.


	8. Chapter Eight

"_A sister is someone who reaches for_

_your hand and touches your heart_."

- Anonymous -

Nathan was losing his mind with boredom.

Kristin had left her decree that he was not allowed to do any work or have any visitors except medical staff until he had gotten a little better. He was suddenly having a great deal of empathy for Lucas and hoped Lucas wasn't upset over Nathan's sudden illness.

"Ah, so you're still in the bed this time," Kristin joked when she walked in. She gone into the room to check on him just before she'd left to see Lucas and found Nathan attempting to stand up on his own, something his body was not ready to do.

He nodded, "Yes I am. How's Lucas?"

Not surprised in the least that Lucas was his first priority no matter what, Kristin told him she'd left him sleeping in quarters. "Tim volunteered to stay with him for the night in case Lucas needed help, but from the looks of it, Lucas isn't going to be waking up any time soon."

"Is there any hope I'll get to see him tomorrow before the chemo?" Nathan asked, and prayed silently that Kristin would let him.

"I'm sorry, Nathan, but his immune system is already compromised. I can't chance exposing him to you right now," She told him. It was hard to tell the man no when she knew Lucas would want to see his father, but the last thing Lucas needed was the get pneumonia and Kristin made sure to say that.

He nodded and laid back while she prodded his IVs, adjusting something and then telling Nathan he could be out of the medbay within a few days. "You have to rest and let your lungs repair, but so long as you don't try to go running off to the bridge, I think you'll be out of here by Tuesday."

"That's too late," He said. Nathan knew Kristin would understand what he was objecting to, and she did.

Kristin sighed; she knew better than anyone how Nathan tried to be with Lucas when the boy had his treatments. It helped Lucas relax and it allowed Nathan to comfort him through the bad spots, deepening the bond between them.

"It's only one treatment. I'll get you radios and he'll be in the room across the way," she told him. Kristin wanted it to be enough to appease Nathan, since she wasn't keen on the idea of them being too far apart. Wendy had said it wasn't healthy for Lucas to be as attached to Nathan as he was, but she hadn't seen how Lucas isolated himself before. Smith couldn't understand that Lucas was, for the first time in his life, encouraged to get close with his father.

"As soon as I'm no longer contagious, I want to be in that room with him, Kristin."

She glared at him, "No – your immune system will be mending as it is. It'll be better if I keep you both in separate rooms, but you can see him for a few minutes a day once the antibiotics have run their course... stop fiddling with that!"

Nathan reluctantly took his hand away from the nasal canula. "When you send the sanitizing team to B-deck, make sure you get to Lucas' dog. Things will be ten time easier tomorrow if he has that toy."

"I'll make sure they get to it. Now, get some rest," she coaxed him, looking exhausted herself. Her last full night of sleep was at the estate before the trial's close and she desperately wished she could get another night like that one, with the warmth of the blankets around her and blessed, blessed silence.

"You too." Nathan shooed her from the room, ordering her to sleep as she left and Kristin snorted at the idea; she didn't have to take his orders and she usually didn't. But then this was sleep he was ordering her to do and she was not going to look that gift horse in the mouth.

Fortunately, her quarters were among the ones to be undamaged when seaQuest took on water and Kristin felt the tension melt from between her shoulders. She contemplated running a bath, but she knew she'd fall asleep and death by drowning just didn't seem pleasant.

Kristin changed into some clean pajamas instead, grabbed the control for the vidscreen, then dialed Cynthia and hoped her daughter would be around. She felt almost guilty for not having had the time to see what the woman had been up to while she cared for Lucas, but when Cynthia answered on the third ring, she immediately started in on her latest work without preamble.

Listening to Cynthia talk, Kristin settled into her bed and drew out her journal. She jotted down several notes, adding a reminder that someone needed to see to Lucas' pound puppy before his treatment; she nodded in the right places and waited for Cynthia to finish.

"So how's Lucas?"

Kristin looked up at her daughter, "He's tired and he'll be recovering for a long time after this, but I think he's going to be alright." She made a noise of annoyance, "Nathan's sick now as well and he's a worse patient than Lucas. He refuses to listen to a word I have to say."

Cynthia smirked at her. "Well, at least they're both in the same place. Don't have to chase them all over seaQuest," she said and added a few minutes later, spiritedly, "I forgot! I sent Lucas something a while ago. A pound puppy..."

"Ah, so you're the culprit. I've been wondering who'd given him that," Kristin smiled. She had asked Lucas where he'd gotten it, but he'd simply told her it was a gift from a good friend and hadn't elaborated.

"Someone donated a number of toys for the kids and I figured Lucas could use one." Cynthia shrugged off Kristin's thanks, telling her, "He's been through a lot. I just thought he could use something to hold on to when things got overwhelming. And, anyway, I knew that if the Captain couldn't take him, you would. I wanted to let him know that I was happy to have him as my brother."

"I know," Kristin nodded; she knew Cynthia always went with what her heart said – she wouldn't have tried to rescue the boys from being murdered if she hadn't. "I still appreciate it. You didn't have to even acknowledge him, but you did and that means a lot to me, Cynthia."

"Really, mom, it's not that big a deal."

Kristin shook her head and stood up, going to her small desk. She pulled up a file and sent it to her daughter - a picture, one she'd taken late a few nights before of Lucas curled around the stuffed grey dog and sleeping soundly in Nathan's bunk. "Trust me. It's a big deal, darling."

Cynthia smiled, "Well. You're welcome then, but I don't need the thanks. I would have done the same if Lucas showed up at the foundation."

Sighing, Kristin gave in. She didn't know who was worse at accepting thanks for helping Lucas, Nathan or Cynthia though she knew it was Nathan by a mile. The man couldn't seem to realize that Lucas would likely have gone through the rest of his life at the mercy of the Wolenczaks. She grimaced at the thought of how long it could have been before someone picked up on the real reason Lucas acted out the way he did.

"How is the foundation?" Kristin eventually asked, breaking the few seconds of silence. She watched Cynthia's eyes light up at the mention and Kristin was glad she'd helped her daughter with the establishment of a group just to help children who would otherwise be murdered by their own government. Of course within a few months, the group had also included children whose parents had died in service to their countries and those who'd been abused and abandoned.

"Good. The dormitories were finished last week, but there was some problem with the house. Something about structural support that delayed it. They think it should be done sometime in the next two weeks and then I can start moving everything out of your house," she chatted, clearly happy to finally be able to get out of her mother's house and into her own.

A man appeared behind Cynthia and Malique waved hello to Kristin. He looked tired and worn out; he smiled at her anyway as he grabbed something off Cynthia's desk and walked back out of the room.

Kristin gave her daughter a look.

"He just got back. Guzmano's death helped stop the mass deaths, but a lot of children are on the streets," she explained as if it explained everything and she just gave a wan smile.

"All the same. He needs to sleep, not go running around taking care of the children. Poor boy looks like he's going to collapse. Go, let him rest. We can talk again tomorrow," Kristin told her. They said goodnight to each other and Kristin ended the connection with one last glance at Cynthia.

She looked around her room, awake even in her own exhaustion, and decided with a firm nod that she wanted to do something that didn't relate to being responsible. She called Katie, happy to hear her friend was awake and twenty minutes later, Kristin found herself crammed into a room with Katie, Wendy, and Jessie Strong.

There was nail polish and pillows and sappy movies that Kristin would never have watched in her youth but she couldn't tear her eyes away from now. They talked for hours and Kristin never did sleep, listening instead to Katie talk about Ben and how much she wanted to be with him but couldn't be sure it would be for the best.

Sometime around seven in the morning, Kristin fell asleep on Katie's floor. Hitchcock made sure to let Levine and the others know where she was and it left the three women to slip into a conversation none had even broached when Kristin seemed to need relaxation.

Jessie, auburn hair let down for the first time that any had seen since coming aboard seaQuest, told them all about Lucas' treatment, about how difficult it was to keep him from just giving up on everything each time the pain of the chemo itself grew to proportions rivaling that of being boiled alive. Strong explained how it felt to have such a deadly medication running in one's veins, sharing that she'd had to deal with the same treatment when she was a girl.

"I've seen his charts and for all the horrors he saw when he was a little boy, nothing compares to how much pain he's in, but he's a strong kid. There have been a lot of children his age who say they won't do it again and don't. Lucas understands that even if he feels like something scraped off the side of a ship, its helping and he keeps coming back."

Wendy nodded; Katie grinned and told her, "That's probably some of the Captain's influence."

Jessie smiled back, "Oh, most likely, but Lucas... Even if Captain Bridger didn't have such a power in his life, I think Lucas would show up every time." She sat back against the bed's edge and continued, "Lucas probably feels a lot like a failure for everything that has happened to him in his life, but he could have given up a long time ago. He could have let his father and his mother keep doing to him what they were and never brought up the charges, but he didn't.

"Trust me when I say that Lucas let the Captain begin the proceedings for the trial. He could have stopped it whenever he pleased, but he didn't and that's how I know that Lucas does most of this without depending on Bridger."

"I never really thought about that," Katie admitted. She really hadn't, because Lucas was someone who was just always so amazingly happy to be with the Captain or with Kristin or Ben for that matter that Hitchcock hadn't ever looked at how the relationship between Lucas and the others was balanced perfectly.

"Lucas does almost everything with the Captain and he looks to him for answers, but he's too smart to be reliant on anyone." Jessie leaned her chin onto her knees, "I think he's content and in that contentedness, he's letting himself be cared for and accepting that he can be cared for."

It was food for thought for Wendy who'd not said a word.

"_Pain is inevitable._

_Suffering is optional_."

- Anonymous -

Lucas' treatment was the hardest one yet that he'd had to endure. With Nathan across the hall, he could see his father, yes, but it was difficult seeing the man who was normally so strong and could hold his own with angry diplomats, lying in a bed with oxygen. Lucas knew it was how Nathan had to be feeling as well so he didn't complain much, though he wanted to cry as his body rebelled at the start of the treatment.

Kristin was with him, trying to divide her time between Nathan and Lucas, but when Lucas started vomiting she knew it was moot. Levine went to check on Nathan and adjust his meds over the hours Lucas spent trying not to fight the pain and let it go.

Then someone brought a PAL to him and Lucas could hear Nathan telling her to rub Lucas' back, to rest one hand against his chest just to the edge of the port. When the pain subsided enough, Lucas picked up the device and held it to him, letting the sound of Nathan's voice calm him.

"I want Ralph," Lucas told her twenty minutes before he was due his next dose of anti-emetics. His eyes were imploring but she misunderstood, bringing him an emesis basin instead and expecting that he was going to be sick.

He felt the tears in his eyes. "No. I want _Ralph_," he hoped the emphasis would help her to figure out what he was asking for, but Kristin just looked at him blankly.

She asked him what he wanted, telling him she didn't know what Ralph was, and Lucas did start to cry. Kristin tried to comfort him, rubbing his back and thinking of all the things that could possibly be associated with the name Ralph when Nathan's voice came through the PAL again, "It's the dog, Kristin."

"Oh." She looked at Abbott and demanded, "Stay with him. I need to go find his toy." Then she was in the corridor and headed toward Lucas' quarters, hoping someone had gone by the room that morning to sanitize it after Lucas had left. She was not going to give him anything from that room if it hadn't been.

Pleasantly surprised to see that someone had indeed cleaned the room and taken away the items that couldn't be salvaged, Kristin made a mental note to ask who had done so and to thank them. Since she'd forgotten to send someone up to do the job, then someone had evidently done it on their own and without orders. And looking at Lucas' bed, Kristin knew it had been Abbott.

Abbott's quarters on the boat had become the most comfortable within several hours of his arrival with several framed pictures of his family on the desk, his computer set up amid a cluster of knick-knacks, and the lighting set low. His bunk had been outfitted with a standard blanket, but Abbott had brought along his own goose-down comforter, the deep blue fabric embroidered with silver thread and it had been carefully spread out on the mattress.

Or, rather, the blanket that now covered Lucas' own bed, Ralph's little stuffed head sticking out from under the covers and resting on one of the many pillows. Clearly Abbott had meant for Lucas to see his puppy comfortably sitting in the bed; Kristin could see why Jessie said he was a great father.

Taking the stuffed toy and returning to the medbay, Kristin could hear Lucas being sick even before she approached his room. Nathan was watching from his place, diligently trying to get up even as Levine and one of her nurses tried to keep him in the bed. With one well placed glare, Nathan stopped; Kristin went to Lucas after a second of eyeing Nathan to ensure he wasn't about to attempt anymore shenanigans.

Lucas grabbed Ralph from Kristin's hands and his tears stopped. The vomiting continued for a while longer until Jessie walked in with his meds, telling Lucas, "I think we can ignore that you weren't supposed to have these for another five minutes."

Nodding vigorously, Lucas agreed with her and Kristin smiled a little at how innocent he seemed right then. Clutching his pound puppy and his eyes set on Jessie's hands as she injected his IV with the meds, Lucas looked all of eight years old and Kristin wondered if Cynthia Wolenczak had any remorse for what she'd done to him.

It still left Kristin reeling at the idea of what Lucas had endured at his own mother's hands; how any woman could starve their own child was disgusting to her, though it had explained so much about Lucas' eating patterns and behavior.

"Stop thinking," Lucas mumbled at Kristin and she turned her attentions to him immediately. His forehead was slick with sweat and his eyes were closed gently though the corners crinkled from the pain.

"Can you get me some water and a cloth?" She asked Jessie as the woman turned to leave. Jessie disappeared without any remark to the affirmative, but Kristin knew Strong would return in a few minutes with the supplies she'd asked for.

What she hadn't expected was Nathan to appear, wearing a face mask and silently daring her to say anything. Her eyes said it for her and she contemplated having Joshua strap Nathan into a bed. Only Lucas' happy smile stopped her from calling any of her staff to come take him back to his own room.

"Ten minutes, Nathan. After that you go back to your own bed, you understand me?" She told him and sat back while Bridger wiped down his son's face and neck.

Lucas and Nathan made the most of their ten minutes without saying a word. Lucas was able to relax, one hand wrapped in Nathan's and the other holding onto Ralph. He made contented noises as Nathan washed the dried sweat off sensitive skin and when he gently pulled Lucas' shirt down, Lucas inched toward him to make it easier for Nathan to clean around the port.

Kristin said nothing as she watched. She had known quite well how Lucas usually reacted when someone touched anywhere near the edges of his IC line, how upset he'd get and how he'd lash out with both hands, but Nathan had done it and Lucas had actually enjoyed it.

She made another mental note, this time reminding herself to talk to Nathan later about that.

When time was up, Kristin was almost loathe to part the two but she knew Nathan wasn't anywhere near ready to be up for extended periods of time and even if he had a mask on, she didn't want to chance his germs getting to Lucas. "Nathan..." She murmured and was grateful he didn't argue.

Nathan didn't have to say anything to Lucas about behaving – he was across the hall, he'd know if Lucas got out of hand. Instead, Nathan patted Ralph's head and then touched Lucas', before shuffling back to his own room, Levine helping him to get the canula back on.

"Thanks for not making him go," Lucas told her as he sat up a little. His head flopped to the side and she smiled weakly at him, stroking a hand down the side of his face. Kristin hoped he would sleep but it was a long time before he'd even let his eyes close again.

But by that Friday, Lucas was sleeping better even though he was still confined to medbay and Levine had let it slip to Nathan that in morning he would likely no longer be contagious. Kristin hadn't planned to tell him so because she wanted him to continue resting, but Nathan, of course, knew better than to let Kristin know he was aware of such things.

He decided to save it for later in the day when he could tease her appropriately about it.

With his door shut and Lucas asleep, Nathan was busily planning what he'd do to rile his girlfriend when Lucas' voice came over the PAL, tired and scared. Nathan knew without another word that Lucas had had one of his usual nightmares, the ones with dark corners and empty bellies.

"Hey, kiddo," he said back and tried to not sound upset though he was sure he did. It wasn't that he was annoyed with Lucas for calling him, quite the opposite; Nathan was upset by how intense Lucas' nightmares were and by the reasons he had the horrible dreams.

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up," he added and Nathan could hear the abject misery embedded in Lucas' words.

He wanted to reply but Nathan had a better idea, and ignoring the fact that Kristin would kill him in the morning, Nathan crept from his room. Lucas' door opened noiselessly, blue eyes settling on him in a flash and Nathan felt his heart twist a little at the sight of Lucas' red-rimmed eyes and the little scratches on his wrists.

"I wish you'd tell me what this dream was," Nathan told him, looking over one of the boy's wrists. Of all the nightmares, Lucas had one recurring that always ended with him waking up to bloody wrists and the feeling that his entire world was going to come apart at the seams, that much Nathan knew. But Lucas never told him the contents of the dream or why he scratched at his own body so hard it could break skin.

Lucas shook his head and tightened his hold on Nathan's arm.

"Easy, buddy. Here, move over," Nathan told him and helped Lucas to shift in the bed until Nathan could slip in with him. With Lucas' head on the pillow in his crossed legs, Nathan could see Lucas finally get comfortable though he never loosened or relinquished his hold on Nathan.

It was fine with Bridger – if Lucas didn't want to let go of him for the time being, then Nathan wasn't going to stop him. However, Nathan used his free hand to run his fingers along Lucas' bald head and hoped it offered some comfort, which it evidently did when Lucas closed his eyes and fell back to sleep. He had never done so after a nightmare before.

Nathan settled in to sleep in his current position. It was something he'd regret in the morning but he couldn't bring himself to care at that moment, watching Lucas with a thumb in his mouth and a stuffed dog beside him.

He woke to Kristin moving around the room, adjusting IVs and mumbling things under her breath. She didn't seem too pissed off at the sight of him; before he could form a coherent sentence, Kristin asked, "So, I guess Joshua told you?"

"Yes," he told her accompanied by a nod.

"Well, judging by the state of him, I'll let it go. He had that nightmare again, didn't he?" Kristin touched one of the wounds and Lucas jumped in his sleep. "I need to get some antiseptic. Try to get some more rest if you can."

Lucas stopped Nathan as he was about to let himself drift off again, sniffling against his hand. "That hurt," Lucas whined, causing Nathan to smirk a little. Lucas wasn't overly affected by whatever had happened in his dream if he could complain from the second he woke up.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Nathan asked Lucas, snagging Ralph as the dog started to fall from the bed. He set the toy on Lucas' stomach, and wasn't surprised when the boy shook his head.

To be honest, Lucas didn't even know what he dreamed of. It was a mishmash of things he couldn't place – the glint of silver (handcuffs?) and the scent of day old blood, stale air. These were things both familiar and strange at the same time and Lucas knew they went together in one memory, a sick recollection of something. But what was really happening in his mind eluded him.

Nathan's gentle touch on his arm brought Lucas back to reality and he gratefully sipped from the straw Kristin had hovered near his mouth. The water was cool and soothing, wetting his parched tongue and he could feel it as it went down his throat.

"So," Kristin started when he stopped drinking and she was able to put the cup down. She crossed her arms and laid them on the bed's railing, letting one hand dip down to touch Lucas' face. As he closed his eyes and absorbed the touch, she spoke again, "Your quarters are clean and I'll release you both to there if you can promise me you will rest."

Lucas tried to look innocent, but it came off pitifully and he just nodded instead. It wasn't like he had the energy to get into trouble anyway. Not to mention that Nathan had already told her they would be good and stay in bed; in other words – Nathan was going to have them both put in one room and there was absolutely no way Lucas could get away with anything with his father around.

And he was right.

Kristin and Abbott had helped them to get settled in separate rooms at first, but it took Nathan maybe five minutes to get out of his room and go to Lucas'. Secretly he was grateful that Bridger wasn't going to leave him on his own until someone decided to come sit with him; the feeling of the nightmare had lingered and he didn't really want to be left alone.

"We're a pair, aren't we, kiddo?" Nathan joked while he sipped some soup and then fed a spoonful to Lucas. The breakfast wasn't overly appealing, but he tried to make a show out of eating it, hoping he could get the boy to have at least a fourth of what he had on the tray.

"I think Dr. Westphalen would have another word for it," Lucas smiled. He happily took another bit of soup from Nathan and then a few more mouthfuls, but when offered anything else his stomach rolled. Nathan offered him more soup, only to have Lucas turn green and they barely had time to get him out of the bed into the bathroom before he was sick.

"It came out my nose," Lucas muttered when he could finally relax and he wiped ineffectually at his mouth, a vain attempt to get rid of the acrid taste on his lips.

Nathan smirked at him, amused at Lucas' frank statement. "Come on," he said and helped Lucas to his feet; he got Lucas to wash out his mouth before struggling to get them both back to Lucas' bunk.

Ben was waiting for them, a disc in his hands and a blush on his face, and he sputtered, "Cap... Captain, I didn't realize you were here, sir." He tried to hide the disc behind his back, but all Nathan had to do was hold out a hand to have it given to him without any resistance or excusatory comments.

"Lieutenant, I don't care what you do in your free time, but I'd really prefer if you keep things like 'Debbie Does Dallas' away from Lucas." Nathan looked to his son, "And you shouldn't be watching these movies."

Blushing ferociously, Lucas just nodded and remained silent. He felt like he was nearly dead from embarrassment – his father had just discovered that he watched _porn_ with his friends.

"If you want something to watch, I have plenty of movies you can take," he told the two, and watched as they both gave him a disinterested glance. Nathan smirked and added, "Movies that are like this but they're not so trashy. And do not tell Kristin about it."

Lucas blinked at Ben and they both waited until Nathan had left to make gagging noises; Ben's face contorted into a look of horror and he told Lucas, "Promise me you will never watch any of your father's porn."

"That would be wrong. On so many levels," Lucas responded, just as Nathan returned and he avoided looking at the videos in Bridger's hand until the man laughed, tossing some Jason movies into his lap.

"Did you really think I was going to give you pornography?"

Ben replied without hesitation, "Yes, sir. I was fully expecting that, sir." He breathed to himself, "Poor kid was looking forward to watching some porn, too." Krieg hadn't thought for a minute Nathan would have joked about having such movies. He also hadn't thought the Captain could hear what was under his breath.

"What was that?" Nathan asked, his voice stern. He only had to look at Ben for the man to look cowed.

"Sir. Nothing, sir," Ben immediately shot back and hoped Bridger wasn't about to chase him out of the room, which was exactly what was about to happen. He could see from the look on Bridger's face that he was expected to leave now and resignedly, he did so, telling Lucas he'd come back later.

Lucas groaned, "Did you have to do that? Ben just wanted to hang out!"

"Because one, you're supposed to be resting and two, Kristin will be showing up at some point and if she finds you watching some trashy sex movie, we're both getting lectured over it," he answered, felling no guilt as he flipped through the movies and stood to put one in.

"She's not going to like me watching horror movies, either," Lucas pointed out. Kristin had, as of late, started to handle him like he were glass and Lucas didn't like it. Yes, he'd been abused; yes, he had issues and hatreds that would take a long time to get over, but there was no need to treat him like he was a simpering child.

Nathan knew what he was thinking and told Lucas, "She'll get over it." He had already discussed with Kristin her need to motherhen Lucas, but it hadn't helped too much and Nathan hoped that by letting Lucas do what he had done before the trial and before he got sick, she would accept that Lucas was okay (for the most part.)

_Session 9_ started as Nathan turned out the lights, then got to the bunk and climbed in beside his son. He was surprised when Lucas shifted closer to Nathan after a few minutes and quite contentedly, they watched the movie together.

And Lucas was right – Kristin wasn't happy about their choice of movie.

"_The world needs anger._

_The world often continues to allow_

_evil because it isn't angry enough_."

- Bede Jarrett -

Lucas' next session with Wendy was much different from normal. They would usually start in on his pictures and they'd talk about safer topics for the first fifteen minutes before she'd start asking him harder questions; Lucas had grown used to that and when Wendy began with a question about his feelings toward Leo, Lucas froze.

For her part, Wendy had felt they'd reached a plateau in Lucas' therapy. They hadn't ever touched on how he felt about the psychologists from his past or Lucas' feelings about Kristin. Leo was a hard topic Lucas would only talk about when he felt like it and wouldn't say a word even when prompted. So she'd made a decision an hour earlier to push those issues – Lucas was holding in more than he realized and it would likely come out in some sort of counter-productive way.

So for five minutes they sat there, looking between each other and Wendy knew Lucas was back to square one with her. He was sizing her up and making sure he had an escape root both verbal and physical.

Then Lucas tripped over words and said, "He's my grandfather."

He'd spoken forcefully, but Wendy knew it wasn't from an attempt to make himself feel something. Lucas was simply trying to accept that he needed to talk, even as his mind tried to stop him. Watching him, she couldn't help but recall her undergrad studies and her professor's lecture on Freud. She could see Lucas' mind turning and his id wanting to just admit everything, but his ego was over-developed (a consequence of his father's lessons) and it took everything in him to speak of the things he never had before.

"Okay, but how do you feel about him, Lucas?" She softened her look and wasn't surprised by the lack of response. She reached for his artbook without speaking again, and Lucas handed it over with a happy look that meant he was expecting to talk about them.

Wendy burst that bubble when she flipped to a blank page. "I want you to draw your grandfather," she instructed.

His eyes were wide then, and Lucas shook when he reached for the charcoal. He continued to tremble when he started the sketch, never relaxing even as he stopped. Lucas knew what she was going to say and beat her to it.

Lucas scribbled over the figure, letting parts of Leo peer out from beneath a jumbled mass of black. It was dark and harsh and Lucas hated the picture, wanted to rip it up and get rid of it because he was wrong – he shouldn't want to hurt his grandfather. No normal person wanted to hurt the people that loved them.

He reached for the edge of the page, moving to rip it out of the book. Wendy put a hand out to stop him before he could and told him, "This is okay. There's nothing wrong with being mad at him."

"But I shouldn't want to beat him," Lucas muttered as he looked down at his feet. He flexed his toes and reached down to rub them, hoping the tingling would go away if they were a little warmer.

"Who says you shouldn't?" Wendy asked and when Lucas' head shot up, she continued. "He let them beat you and you were a little boy. That's what you want to think, isn't it? But you can't because you think it's wrong, but it's not. It's okay to want to get back at him for not helping you."

"But he loves me."

She nodded, "Yes he does and that's why you're not letting yourself talk to him like you want to." Wendy leaned forward a little bit more. "You can ask him why he never called Child Protective Services, Lucas. Nathan won't be upset with you and neither will Kristin."

"But what about Papi?" Lucas scratched his arm idly and his eyes were set on hers, begging her to tell him something that would make it right but Wendy knew there was no such thing.

"Lucas, there are a lot of things that are going to be hard to do." She reached for a stick of charcoal and drew out her own picture on the next clean page, working on it in the silence and then showing him it without any grace or finesse. "Sometimes the only way we can move forward is let our wounds bleed all over again."

He looked at the picture; a perfect representation of himself reflected back.


	9. Chapter Nine

"_It is not until you become a mother_

_that your judgment slowly turns to_

_compassion and understanding_."

- Erma Bombeck -

The image of himself, drawn on heavyweight paper and shaded just right, had stuck with Lucas all the way through his treatment that evening. It kept him silent even when his stomach lurched with the chemo flooding his veins. It kept him silent as Kristin wiped the sweat from his forehead and he felt the tingle rise from his toes to his ankles.

It kept him quiet when Kristin chased Nathan from the room, saying something about how ill the man still was.

And the lack of avid complaining and mumbling worried Kristin more than she wanted to admit. She was used to Lucas' whining and used it as a gauge of how well he was feeling, if the chemotherapy was doing its job, and how his mind was. Without it she was blind to how Lucas was feeling. It was unnerving and she started asking questions, trying to get Lucas to say something more than a one word answer.

Eventually he responded and he told her, "Wendy drew me." He held his pound puppy tighter and looked up at her from his side. Lucas was sure that Kristin didn't understand what significance it had; he sighed and wished he wouldn't have to explain it to her though he knew he would have to.

"Did she?" Kristin asked, relieved that he'd finally spoken.

Lucas petted Ralph with one hand for a moment, then started to tell her why he was so caught up in the image. He told her how perfect it was, how Wendy had caught the lank of his body and the weakness he felt in his bones. He told her how the smudging of the charcoal had been enough to show the thinness of his skin and the bags under his eyes. He stopped at the eyes.

It made him close his own. Lucas continued without opening them, "I don't draw any faces. They... hurt to do." He curled up a little and glanced up at Kristin with tear on one cheek, "It was like looking in a mirror and I didn't like it."

"Oh, Lucas," She murmured. Kristin laid a hand on his shoulder at that, rubbing the skin beneath her fingers gently.

"I think I'm mad at Papi, but I can't just tell him." Lucas looked away and then back at the woman. "I don't want him to think I don't want him around."

She made an understanding noise and nodded, saying nothing. Kristin knew that Lucas had to work through that on his own and nothing she told him would fix it; she would have to let the boy get hurt if it would make things better. It didn't mean she liked it though.

The silence grew again and Kristin could see the nausea building up in him – the turn of his head, his face growing pale, Lucas' hand on his stomach stroking as if it could help. She asked him about other things, trying to draw his mind away from that which was bothering him, but it was back to square one.

Kristin still kept asking questions. She asked about Nathan and Ben and all his friends on the internex, then finally asked about the stuffed dog. "Why did you name your puppy Ralph?"

Lucas smirked a little at that because he knew Kristin wouldn't find it as funny as he and Cynthia had. He shrugged and told her, "The letter with it said that if you got overbearing I should ralph on your shoes."

"That girl..." Kristin sighed. Only her daughter would think of such a thing. "Did you tell your father that?" She asked next, wondering if Nathan had known about it and not told her or if he just hadn't questioned it.

"No," he gasped out as the tingling in his ankles crept up his legs and turned to burning. He bit down on his lip to keep from screaming, the pain intense for a moment and then subsiding down to something more manageable.

"Lucas?" Kristin watched him, her eyes wide with alarm. She reached for his hand, flinching when Lucas cried out, then turned to the door and called for Abbott or Jessie. "Lucas," she said, hoping to get him to respond to her but he was curled up and focusing on the pain radiating through his extremities.

Abbott appeared just as she reached for Lucas' hands again. "Don't!" he barked, and, once she'd backed away, explained, "This is neuropathy. Jessie!"

Labcoat flapping as she moved and her ponytail whipping to the sides, Jessie passed the room with only a glance; she yelled to Abbott, asking her own series of questions until she returned with meds and Lucas took them without complaint, swallowing great gulps of water to ease the pills into his stomach.

Kristin watched the two oncologists move, her heart heavy. She should have understood what was going on, seen the way his body had tensed and gotten him the Neurontin that eased the pain. But her brain had froze and only one instinct had remained – comfort your child.

"Kristin?" Jessie called her softly. "Are you alright?"

Her eyes snapped to the younger woman's and Kristin told her, "Call Nathan. Have him come stay with Lucas, will you?" She backed out of the room then, so wrapped up in her thoughts that she never heard Lucas ask her to stay.

"It's alright, pal," Abbott offered. "She's just a little confused. It's not everyday that we treat our own family members." He patted Ralph's head and told Lucas, "She'll be back, I promise. Sometimes the realization comes on that it's time to take a step back from something and it's hard to deal with."

"I want her here," Lucas shook his head. He didn't care what was wrong. Lucas wanted Kristin and she wasn't there; he looked up at Abbott sadly. He decided that if he couldn't have Westphalen, then he wanted his father and he asked, "Where's the Captain?"

"He's on his way down." Jessie sighed and looked out into the hallway. She'd known Kristin had been gradually getting more protective of her new son, but Kristin hadn't given any signs that it was causing an inability to separate Lucas' care from his status as her child. It was the only reason she and Abbott hadn't barred Kristin from the boy. Now it seemed she'd reached the end of her rope.

Lucas was appeased with the knowledge that he'd have someone with him, but it still made Abbott upset. He'd never have left either of his children alone in the hospital; even when his own son had admitted to him in the ER that he'd been beaten for being gay, he'd never left the boy alone despite having divergent beliefs Abbott had since changed. He didn't understand how Kristin could leave before Nathan had gotten there.

Both doctors stayed with him until Nathan arrived not long later, waiting until Lucas had finally fallen to sleep to tell him what had happened. He didn't appear too happy with what happened and when he finally spoke, it was clear he wanted to go talk to Kristin but he didn't move from his spot beside Lucas' bed.

Jessie went in his place.

She knocked on the hatch door before she entered, finding Kristin sitting at her desk with a photo album out in front of her. Kristin looked up at her, eyes red and Jessie sighed, telling her, "You scared the shit out of him, you know."

Kristin nodded, "I know." She glanced down at her desk and then back to Jessie, saying nothing and she didn't need to. Her face said everything that needed to be conveyed without her every speaking.

Strong fell into the opposite chair. "You know, there's nothing wrong with being too close to him. You just can't do anything more medically. Letting you keep doing it after you were declared his guardian was a bit of a gray area, but you were _panicking_, Kristin. He got scared and the pain got worse for him because he saw you," Jessie told her. Her words were harsh but she tempered them with a smile, adding, "There's not a soul in this world who could fault you for loving him that much.

"But you know why we're going to have to take you off his medical charts as his Primary Physician, right?"

"Yes," Kristin replied. She let out a breath and told Jessie, "I was never like this with Cynthia. She was too independent for me to hover over and with Lucas..." She sighed, pushing her hair away from her eyes.

"It takes a lot to not to grab the kid and hold on," Jessie finished for her. She knew it – she felt the very same. Lucas just seemed to evoke the most protective instincts in people even though he swore up and down he could take care of himself. Of course, he usually did so while clinging to Nathan but no one ever made a point of telling him that.

Kristin leaned back, "How is Nathan?"

Jessie made a face, grimacing a little. She told the other woman, "He's not really happy that you left Lucas before he could get there, but I think he understands why. I imagine he'll be coming by later though."

"I didn't think he'd be too happy about that." Kristin got to her feet and she closed the book, stuffing it back onto a shelf before telling Jessie, "Come on. I think I've had enough of a wallow."

"Abbott isn't pleased too much either. I'll try to get between him and you, but I make no guarantees that he won't yell, Kristin," Strong admitted, knowing Kristin had to be aware of what she was going into. While Abbott would never strike a woman, he was a force to be reckoned with when angry. Throughout the years they'd worked together, Jessie had seen how intimidating he could be if presented with someone he felt was doing a disservice to their child.

"I wouldn't expect him to be otherwise, Jessica. It's why I asked for you both to be brought aboard." Kristin padded Jessie's shoulder and didn't respond to the woman's shocked look.

"You hired us because Abbott has a temper?" She finally asked as they left the room and made their way down the corridor. Joshua Levine had told them Kristin had hired them for multiple reasons, including things like personality and job performance, but he hadn't mentioned anything about her counterpart's protectiveness.

Kristin shook her head and pulled Jessie into a side corridor. "No, I hired you both because I knew if I were to stop being objective, neither of you would have qualms telling me it was time to give Lucas' care over to another."

"Oh." Jessie looked a little confused, yet clearly accepted what Kristin was telling her. It was a mite disturbing that Kristin had wanted people who could tell her things like that, especially since Kristin was the CMO – technically the only person above her was the Captain and even he had to answer to her if he was ill.

Still, it meant Kristin had known her own boundaries and where she would need handling; Jessie respected that. Not everyone could admit that they needed people around who could throw their weight to their boss.

"I'm glad you picked us," Jessie told her after a minute.

By silent agreement neither woman continued on the topic, leaving the spot off the main corridor and walking back to the medbay without saying another word. It was comfortable between them and Jessie would tell Abbott later that of all their bosses, she liked Kristin the best.

Abbott would agree.

"_In time of great stress or adversity, it's_

_always best to keep busy, to plow your anger_

_and your energy into something positive_."

- Lee Iacocca -

"Still, you left him, Kristin!" Nathan railed.

They had left Lucas in the medbay with Tim and Abbott, whose different personalities had caused Lucas to laugh when Abbott showed up with the requisite porn vid. Nathan had once again let that go since Lucas was smiling and he knew Tim wouldn't watch such movies anyway.

So with Lucas secured with his friends and no longer in overbearing pain, Nathan and Kristin had found their way into Nathan's quarters. He'd started off alright, but he couldn't get away from the fact that she'd left before anyone else had gotten there.

"Not that I don't like Abbott and Jessie, but they're not his family," Bridger said, his voice coming down from the height of his anger.

"What do you want me to say, Nathan? That I'm sorry – I am. I shouldn't have left him, but imagine if you were me." She glared a little at him, upset and annoyed. "I have to hand over Lucas' medical care to someone I trust but isn't me and I have to do it while making sure he understands that it's not something he did. I have to explain to my son that _I'm_ the one with the problem."

Nathan stood stock-still. He hadn't really thought of it like that, but then he couldn't have. He wasn't a medical doctor or a man who had any background in treating patients, he didn't have to divide himself in half to be Lucas' parent and Lucas' doctor at the same time. It wasn't the same as him having to differentiate himself as Captain and Father.

They said nothing for a time and then Kristin looked at him, telling Nathan, "I knew from the beginning I wasn't going to be able to care for him medically to the end. I'm surprised you hadn't realized that."

"I thought you might but I didn't comprehend that you actually would," he admitted. It was hard to accept that Kristin would no longer be the lead in Lucas' case. "You're sure about this?"

She shook her head emphatically, "In order to continue being his doctor, I have to be able to look at Lucas clinically. To see him as a patient and not my child. That requires a detachment that would also means I would have to forget that something I do could kill him." Kristin watched his face and when that had sunk in, she added, "I got close to him, Nathan. It would be irresponsible of me to go on – it would put Lucas' life in jeopardy."

Getting to his feet, Nathan looked at her again and sighed. He laid a hand on hers, speaking again and letting his voice be filled with emotion, "Thank you."

Kristin flipped her hand over, grasping his in hers and pulled him closer to her.

It had been a horrible shock to realize that she really could not look at Lucas objectively anymore. Simply saying that once she put on her labcoat, she was his doctor and not his mother hadn't worked in a long time if she was truthful; Kristin hadn't ever liked the idea of not being Lucas' primary, but she knew in his condition, all she needed to do was hesitate just once and it could cost Lucas his life. That was not acceptable.

As Kristin prepared to speak again, wanting to move them toward a happier topic – visiting Cynthia in the near future or perhaps the fact that Nathan was doing a piss-poor job of concealing his proposal plans – but Abbott interrupted when he walked into the room. Clad only in a towel and sneakers, he looked like a drowned cat with his hair sopping wet and droplets of water still clinging to him.

"Ben will die. A horrible, horrible death. Anyone who will care should be informed before I chase him around seaQuest with penicillin." He'd spoken so calmly, as if it were an everyday thing to be threatening the supply officer with death, then turned and left without so much as an explanation.

Nathan grinned and laughed, unable to stop himself. "Well, at least they've stopped pulling pranks on Crocker."

For her part, Kristin just sighed in a long-suffering way. She got up from the chair and shuffled into the hallway, unsurprised to see Ben duck into another room at the sight of her. He'd had a camera in his hands and while she'd normally have been amused at the idea of Ben cheering up Lucas by tormenting his doctors, today was not the day to be doing it.

She intended to go yell at Ben with Nathan, but when Nathan walked in the opposite direction, Kristin realized he had no intention of disciplining Ben. He stopped at her annoyed grunt, still smiling, and Nathan explained, "Abbott went to MIT, right?"

"Right." Kristin looked at him with an expression that clearly meant she had no idea what Jones' schooling had to do with anything.

"Trust me, Ben will get what's coming to him without me being involved," Bridger told her and Kristin just shook her head. He continued, "I'm inclined to let them for now. So long as no one gets hurt, they can do whatever they want. Besides, they both could use some stress relief."

Rolling her eyes, Kristin waved him away and went to the medbay where Jessie was busy trying not to launch into hysterics at the sight of Abbott. The man was walking around the medbay in his towel, gloves on and a facemask and looking for all the world like it didn't bother him that he was pretty much naked.

Kristin sidled over to Jessie. The woman grinned and asked her, "Ben locked him out of quarters as well?" Her response was a weak smile from Lucas who attempted to look complete innocent and angelic. It failed miserably.

"Troublemaker," She muttered. "Did you put Ben up to this or did he think this up on his own and you encouraged him?"

Lucas held up both hands. "I didn't put him up to anything. I just thought it'd be funny if we did something to Abbott. He did it all on his own," he told her, then cautiously added, "Though I may have told him that he should block Abbott from getting back to his room."

"Well, don't let him know but that was a clever trick, waiting until Abbott went to shower in the clean room to steal his clothes." She moved over to the other side of Lucas' room and tapped the wall, "And I recommending giving back his clothing, Lieutenant. You can keep the pictures."

Ben peeked out from behind the door, looking appropriately embarrassed and quickly handed off the photos to Lucas before walking out into the main section of the medbay with Abbott's pants and shirt in hand.

Kristin smirked and turned back to Lucas, asking Jessie to leave. "I just need a few minutes to talk to Lucas alone," she assured her friend and patted Lucas' hand gently. He looked nervous, like he was scared she was upset with him; Kristin waited until Jessie had closed the door to tell him, "Sweetheart, it's not you. I want you to understand that you've done absolutely nothing wrong and this isn't a punishment."

Lucas' mind went off at that. He breathed a little faster and grew agitated, fidgeting in the bed and trying to not cry. He let himself think over how much he'd wanted her as his mother, yet she was there to tell him it was too hard to care for him. He was too much to handle and she didn't want him.

She didn't know of his thoughts and when she spoke again, it startled him. Lucas' blue eyes settled on hers, Kristin told him, "Abbott, Jessie, and I have talked and we decided that I can't be your doctor anymore. I love you too much, Lucas, and I wouldn't be able to give you the best medical care so I'm going to have Joshua assigned to you."

"I don't understand," Lucas whispered. "You're not getting rid of me?"

"What?" Kristin jumped and her heart caught. "Lucas, did you think that I didn't... want you anymore?" The thought chafed her and Kristin hoped to God Lucas hadn't being thinking that, though she knew it had been.

He nodded dully, still a little scared. Lucas had been yelled at before for speaking the truth and while he hoped it was different with Kristin, his parents abuse would always be with him, would always linger at the back of his mind. Wendy had made him come to terms with that – it didn't mean he had to like it.

"No," Kristin stated with no room for argument. "There's no force in this universe that could make me voluntarily give you up."

Lucas nodded. He still looked absolutely miserable and Kristin stroked his face, hoping to soothe him back into slumber. Lucas, however, didn't want to sleep and as a consequence, Kristin found herself in Lucas' quarters on the hunt for his sketchpad. The charcoal was easy since Lucas had left the box on his desk after meeting with Wendy, but the pad had been hidden.

She was contemplating calling Lucas to ask for a better description of its hiding place when she spotted it. The spiral of the pad was peeking out from beneath his bed, the comforter's edge just covering it in just the right manner to obscure it. Kristin nabbed it and sat down at his desk to look over the newly decorated cover.

A piece of paper fluttered to the floor as she stood back up and Kristin looked at it for a second. It was a rendition of herself, all soft lines and shading with the just a hint of color at the edges. In the back of her mind, she was happy Lucas was finally using the watercolor pencils she'd bought him, but the rest of her was focused on the sight – eyes that had a slight sparkle to them but were still warm, curled hair hanging to her back and her lips quirked into a sarcastic smile.

Lucas had drawn her as he saw her and Kristin touched the paper reverently. The temptation to see if there were more was great, but she held back and carefully placed the picture back into the sketchpad. If Lucas hadn't shown her before, then Lucas likely hadn't wanted her to see that picture just yet. She could tell him later what she'd seen.

When she returned, Lucas just gave her a knowing smile and asked her to open the book for him, his fingers still shooting pain when pressure was placed on them. The pages were easier to turn than the cover and he quickly found the picture she had placed back inside. "I was going to ask Ben to get a frame for it. You know, for your birthday," Lucas told her, pushing the paper over, "You can have it now though. I mean I know Ben gave me that money from everyone, but I, um..." He shrugged, "I'm gonna need it to find an apartment for upworld. It's not like I can go back to my house anymore."

"Lucas, sometimes I wonder about that genius brain of yours," Kristin said. She cuffed his head lightly. "Nathan found a beautiful house in Hawaii for both of you," she told him and added, "You're his son. He isn't going to let you live anywhere but with him."

"Not the island?" Lucas looked at Kristin, his eyes glittering in spite of the pain.

"Well, it is an island," she grinned to herself, thinking the response brilliant. Lucas rolled his eyes at her; Kristin went on, "No, not Nathan's island. He's going to keep that for private affairs, but he thought it would be better for you to be around people and that wasn't going to happen on his island. So he found a very nice house right at the coast that will fit all of your things and his and you'll have a bedroom with a spectacular view of the water."

Lucas grinned. He liked that Kristin had already seen the house the Captain had bought. It made him feel all the more like Kristin was his family and Lucas bounced a little as he thought of the ring Nathan had hidden in his quarters. While Nathan wasn't entirely sure or when he'd be proposing, he'd already promised Lucas the boy could be there.

"So do you still want me to take this beautiful drawing from you?" Kristin asked after a few minutes, already reaching for the picture.

Lucas nudged it toward her, "Sure. I can make another later for you to have as a gift." His mind was running with ideas – him and Kristin, Cynthia and Kristin, himself with Kristin and Nathan, or all four.

Kristin smiled and kissed his temple, taking the picture from Lucas' lap and sent Ben to sit with him while she ducked into her office. There was a bit of wall space directly in front of her desk that fit the page perfectly. She hung it gingerly, making sure Lucas' signature wasn't obscured by anything on her filing cabinet.

She warmed at the thought that Lucas had said earlier that he'd never drawn anything with a face, yet her own was looking down at her. It wasn't drawn hastily, it wasn't mussed or smudged. She noted the date beneath Lucas' signature, and realized he must have drawn it following his session with Wendy.

"Progress is a slow wonder," she whispered and then Kristin let herself back into Lucas' room, a little happier than when she'd left.

"_Smile at each other – it doesn't matter who_

_it is – and that will help you grow to up in_

_greater love for each other_."

- Mother Teresa of Calcutta -

Lucas spent the next few days recovering from the chemo, the neuropathy in his extremities dulling down to something much more bearable. Of course, his mind was also preoccupied with the shenanigans between Ben and Abbott.

Twice a day, Kristin would check in on the boy and was unsurprised to discover Ben there several times, nursing his wounded pride. He mostly sat there looking forlorn while Lucas laughed at him or helped him determine an appropriate comeback.

Then Ben showed up on the bridge the Friday of Lucas' next treatment and Nathan knew it was time to put his foot down – Ben was blue. He looked for all the world like the little blueberry girl in Willy Wonka; Nathan was mostly amused by it, but he knew the feud between the two men had gone as far as he could allow.

"Lieutenant," Nathan said when he sidled up beside Ben.

Standing beside Phillips, Ben had been conferring with the man over some of the ship's gossip, but he responded to Nathan immediately, "Captain."

"I need to speak with you privately. Please go to the wardroom and wait for me," he instructed and waited until Krieg had gone from the bridge to call Abbott and request his presence as well.

The wardroom was cold, but Ben was still sweating and Nathan felt bad for him. It had been several months since the man's mother had passed, his best friend was sick, and Ben was also wrestling with the issue of his relationship with Hitchcock. Nathan would have preferred to not have to chastise Ben, but it had to be done.

Abbott arrived a few moments later, before Bridger could ask how Ben had come to be blue, and he looked ready to be written up. Nathan wasn't going to do such a thing and instead offered up a seat to the man.

With both Ben and Abbott sitting, Nathan looked between the two and started, "I expect that you both understand why I have you here." With simultaneous nods, Nathan went on, "I know this has mostly been stress relief and on some level, a way to entertain Lucas, but I need you to stop before this gets truly out of hand."

Ben nodded and gave a snappy, "Yes, sir." He had figured Nathan would tell them to call off their war since he woke up and discovered himself blue. Most of their pranks hadn't been anything too bad – peroxide in shampoo bottles, shortsheeting beds, switching out one person's laundry with that of a female crewmate. However, this had crossed into the boundaries of irresponsibility and Ben was glad to be told it was done.

"Listen, I hope there's no hard feelings. I just wanted the kid to smile and you were the easiest target," Ben told him.

Shaking the extended hand, Abbott told him, "I know. Do me a favor though – the next time I get in the chemical shower to wash off, take a picture or something. I had my clothes stolen enough during my undergrad years."

"Will do, man. Um, is there anyway you could, you know, make me not blue?" Ben asked, running a hand over his bald head. It reminded him that while Tim's, Miguel's, and Jonathan's hair had grown back, his own had been shaven once more a few days earlier by Katie and that at the moment, he looked like a member of the Blue Man Group.

"Sorry. It'll be a couple of hours before your body breaks down the stuff, so you're stuck." Abbott cheerfully told him, "So you might as well get the best from it. Commander Hitchcock will get a good laugh from it."

Ben rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well. Captain, may I be dismissed, sir?"

Nathan nodded and watched the man leave, taking in the sight of Abbott who was looking just a bit sheepish. "I apologize, Captain. I don't normally let myself get drawn into those kinds of things much anymore, but Ben pretty much put forth the challenge and I couldn't let him win."

"I'm sure it was quite tempting. There have been plenty of times I've wanted to get back at Ben for some of his stunts. Just do me a favor and stay away from changing his skin color in the future. Kristin's going to be on you for that one the minute she sees you," Nathan told him, still grinning as he thought of Ben's very blue skin.

"Yes, sir." Abbott was smiling as well and Nathan was glad for it – the last thing he wanted was for Jones to be upset that he'd been asked to stop, but it seemed he had known as well that he'd toed the line a bit too far.

Dismissing him then, Nathan went back to the bridge and he was unsurprised to find Jonathan whispering with Katie about Ben. She was trying fairly hard to not laugh as Ford explained the state of her boyfriend; they both stopped what they were doing when they realized the Captain was watching them.

"Just don't spread the gossip too far, Commanders. Last thing we need is for Thomas to start complaining that the military contingent on seaQuest is ill fit for duty," he told them and went directly to the communications station, touching Tim's arm.

"Sir?" Tim turned in his seat to give his attention to Nathan. It also helpfully turned him away from looking at Miguel, who didn't seem all too happy.

"Is there something I should know about? You and Mr. Ortiz haven't tried any of your usual tricks to talk to each other and I'm a bit worried about both your performances," Nathan told him, his voice down just low enough for Tim to hear but no one else around them.

Tim shook his head, "No, sir. Just some..." He pushed his headset down onto his neck and pulled the mouthpiece out of the way, "We just can't agree on something." He looked around, "Sir, can we talk about this somewhere private?"

Since they were both off duty in twenty minutes, Nathan told him they could go to his quarters to talk. He even suggested bringing Miguel, but Tim just shrugged at that. He didn't seem to keen on that idea, and Bridger figured it would be just himself and his Lieutenant j.g. talking.

He was right – Miguel watched them leave the bridge, but he didn't follow or say a word. Nathan tried to give him a look that meant nothing bad was about to happen, only Miguel looked away from him and Nathan sighed at it. He was always absolutely frustrated by goings-on such as they were.

While Nathan condoned any and all relationships with the caveat that no one was abused and everything consensual, he absolutely hated when they interfered with work. Not because it meant he was going to demand the relationship ended or because he had to report it. No, it was because then he had to stand there and watch people he cared about fuck up possibly the best thing they had going for them.

Closing the hatch behind them, Nathan offered Tim a chair and then turned to pull out the vodka he had confiscated from Ben a few days prior. Nathan closed his eyes for a second as he thought of Ben and finding the man with the bottle in his hands, a sad look in his eyes. Wendy would be seeing him for sessions starting that Monday.

Nathan handed Tim a shot glass and the younger man looked confused, as if unsure of what to do with it. "It helps to drink it," Bridger explained and he fully expected Tim to reject it, put the glass on the desk and start talking, but Tim downed the shot with a choke.

"Strong stuff, sir," Tim managed out as he attempted to stop coughing. Eventually he got it under control and he scratched his head, thinking of where would be the best place to begin.

He settled on the beginning and told Nathan it all – Tim and Miguel getting together, the rougher spots when they would argue, and the strain Lucas' cancer had on them. They'd already talked about issues that no other couple would at the same stages of a relationship and it was overwhelming to Tim who'd never had a girlfriend for more than a few dates. Then he mentioned how Miguel had pushed him to let his parents know about them, the basis of their latest fight.

Nathan stopped him at that and they went off on a long talk about how it was alright to slow down in a relationship, how they were equals and what Miguel said was not a law in any country.

"Truthfully, sir, this is the first time in my life that I'm willing to throw it all away – my family, my religion, my job – for someone and it feels right, but..." Tim shrugged and sat back in his seat, still toying with the empty shot glass as he had been for two hours.

"But you don't want to give up everything you've got," Nathan finished for him. He could understand that and when he went on, it was with a gentler tone of voice. "You don't have to, Tim. If Miguel can't respect that you aren't ready to do so, then maybe you both went into this a little too fast and you need to work that out first."

Tim smiled at that, like something had clicked and he finally had a grasp on the situation. "Yes, sir," he breathed. Nathan could see he had relaxed over the course of their conversation and he figured it was because Tim had needed another person to validate what he'd been thinking.

"Go, Tim," Nathan said after a few minutes silence. "Miguel's probably worried." He took the dirty glass from Tim and watched the man leave then, giving him a parting smile.

He was busily washing out the glass when Kristin called him, her voice coming through tinny-sounding from the PAL. "Nathan," she said and when it took him more than five seconds to respond, spoke again, "Nathan, are you there?"

Nathan resisted pointing out she needed to give him a minute to get to the unit, but instead he calmly asked what she needed.

"Lucas is asking for you and I need to go do a few things. Can you come sit with him or shall I call Ben?" She asked and Nathan could hear the smile.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," he responded. "Warn Lucas I'm bringing the paperwork he needs to finish before Stanford can reissue his degree with me." Nathan knew Lucas had been looking forward to it; Lucas asked every few days about the state of affairs with Stanford and Nathan was glad to finally be able to bring him the documentation.

He changed out of his uniform, putting on his civvies and grabbing the papers on his way out of the room. Nathan re-read them as he walked, ensuring that he had marked all the places Lucas needed to sign.

So enamored in his reading, Nathan nearly missed Ben attempting to walk past him with his face hidden beneath sunglasses, a large-brimmed hat, and his shoulders hunched enough to hide his neck in his uniform.

"Lieutenant," Nathan started. He felt just the slightest bit bad for Ben, who had likely been ribbed by everyone, and he quietly told him, "Go on back to quarters. I'll let the Commander know you've got the rest of the day off."

"Thank you, sir!" Ben looked more than grateful – he looked about ready to hug Nathan, but instead he simply dashed off for his room and Nathan watched him go with a laugh. He hoped Katie wouldn't be too hard on Ben when she found him later, though Nathan knew she would make him suitably embarrassed by the entire situation.

Still amused when he walked into the medbay, Kristin pounced on him immediately. "We had a bit of chaos this morning." She didn't give him time to ask what had happened before she was tell him, "Jessie and I couldn't get Lucas to hold still while the chemotherapy was attached to his IC line. A few drops got on him, so he has a few small burns but it's nothing you should get excited over. If he complains they hurt or looks at all uncomfortable, let Abbott or Jessie know."

Nathan nodded. He'd been warned that while most patients avoided getting any of the caustic drugs on their skin nowadays as a result of ports, Abbott had maintained that on a sub and with Lucas as fidgety as it was, it was likely he'd not be one of the many. Nathan told her, "Alright. Go on and get some sleep, Kristin." He very politely didn't tell her she looked like something the cat dragged in.

Lucas was propped up with pillows, his usual scrub top gone and Nathan could see the burns on the boy's chest. They had been medicated with something, a clear glaze over them and Nathan was happy to see that there really were only five or six. They were relatively small; he understood why they hadn't called him.

"You have the papers?" Lucas asked without any preamble. He was smiling happily, nearly ripping the folder of paperwork clear from Nathan's hand.

"Calm down," Nathan told him. He looked over at the monitors, making sure Lucas followed his gaze as well, and said, "Leave the heart attacks to me, kiddo." He laid a hand in between Lucas' shoulderblades and felt the boy relax. While he understood Lucas' enthusiasm and happiness at finally getting things as close to normal as possible, he knew the dangers of letting Lucas get too excited.

Flipping through the pages, though, Lucas just about vibrated with glee. Every time he signed off on another line, he'd look up at Nathan and then back to the papers like it were the adoption agreement. Bridger didn't fully understand how much his degree meant to him and he knew he couldn't, just that it made Lucas overjoyed to be getting one with everything proper.

When they came to the final line, Nathan figured it out. Lucas had asked weeks earlier about changing his name – if Nathan was upset he'd kept Wolenczak, if Nathan wanted him to take Bridger. He'd assumed it was Lucas' way of testing the waters of the idea and as Lucas wrote in how he wanted his name to appear on the certificate, Nathan was silent.

Lucas H. Wolenczak-Bridger was formed out in small printed letters and then the same was signed beneath before Lucas put down the pen and looked up at him. His voice was a little bit quieter than usual as spoke, but Nathan didn't need the words to understand that Lucas was trying to explain himself.

"It's alright," Nathan interrupted. "Lucas, if that's what you want your name to be, that's fine. You could change it to Westphalen and I'd be happy." He rubbed Lucas' neck with his thumb, "If you want to change it to that, I'll talk to Peter and get the paperwork set up."

"I ready talked to Peter," Lucas admitted. He looked down at his hands, worried he'd overstepped his bounds and told Nathan, "He wrote everything up and submitted it. There shouldn't be a problem with it and I wanted to tell you later when I wasn't trapped in here. I promise I would have told you."

Nathan squeezed his hand, "Hey. Didn't I tell you to call Peter if there was something you needed? If you wanted to do this and you wanted to do it on your own, then I'm glad you could, pal. I know you would have told me."

"Oh." Lucas looked relieved and he touched the papers reverently, letting his finger cross over the name. He stopped after a minute and shoved the papers back into the folder, changing the subject as he went about it. "So when are you proposing to Kristin?"

Not surprised that Lucas was avoiding the topic, Nathan went with it. He knew Wendy preferred if Lucas was made to talk about the things that made him upset, but Nathan was willing to forego such for the moment; Lucas_had_ talked to him about the issue though Nathan hadn't been aware of the full extent.

"Well, I'm not sure when but I know it's going to be a little longer," Nathan told Lucas, fixing Lucas' blanket and looking closer at his son's chest. He could see the skin had reddened around the burns, irritated, and Nathan called for Abbott.

With Lucas taken care off, they could continue talking, but the boy looked exhausted. Nathan figured his earlier excitement had drained him of what little he'd built up and he coaxed Lucas to sleep, telling him, "We can talk later about Kristin." He helped pull the sheet up to the boy's shoulders and rubbed his back as he drifted off.

Nathan laid a kiss on Lucas' head. "Goodnight, kiddo. Sweet dreams," he whispered before dimming the lights and getting comfortable in the chair beside Lucas' bed. He took Lucas' hand in his and knew Kristin wouldn't wake him.

It would be the last time Nathan would do so.


	10. Chapter Ten: Epilogue

"_Strength does not come from physical capacity_.

_It comes from indomitable will._"

- Mahatma Gandhi -

The bridge crew was silent. The machinery around them clicked on and Nathan sat in his chair, ramrod straight.

They were waiting; silence had to be broken, but no one knew how to do it without shattering the illusion. They didn't want to ruin it, didn't want to change what the duty roster swore was about to happen.

Ben broke it though with a smile on his face and whistling a happily little tune that made everyone laugh. Nathan grinned quietly at Jonathan who looked at Katie – she'd been the one to suggest the crew not be informed of Lucas' status, to just let them find out what was happening when she made up the bridge shifts.

Lucas last dose of chemotherapy had been almost a month before. He'd been unresisting through out the entirety of the last round, but the last treatment… Lucas had been limp in his bed and shaking from doing something as simple as taking a sip of water. Abbott had promised him it'd been as expected though Nathan still felt they came too close to losing him that night.

Morning had brought a whole new life with Kristin appearing in the doorway, clutching blood counts and test results and a laugh in her voice. She'd breathed out that he was in the clear and Nathan woke Lucas up so Kristin to tell him, the boy all but bouncing off the bed in his own joy.

Slowly, Lucas had begun to gain back energy as his body mended the damage done by the treatments and as soon as he could walk a few feet unassisted, he immediately started asking to be put back on duty. Lucas had been told months before by Admiral Noyce that when he was well he would be given a formal title of Chief Computer Analyst and placed on the UEO payroll. While he'd gotten paid by the UEO previously for his work, the money he'd been given hadn't been from military funds – it'd been salvaged from grants and other venues.

Of course Kristin, Abbott, Jessie, and Joshua had all said no and resisted his charms for a few more weeks until Levine finally had to concede defeat; Lucas could get from his quarters to the seadeck and back again without any ill effects and he was no longer nauseous or fatigued. With promises to say when he'd reached his limits, Abbott and Jessie signed off on his forms, Levine made sure the t's were crossed and i's dotted and Lucas was officially declared well.

Katie had taken the news with the care of a sister. She'd questioned Lucas long and hard about his ability to do his research and bridge duty, asking him about things he wouldn't have thought mattered but somehow did. In the end, however, she'd been satisfied and agreed with him to make it surprise.

And a surprise it was. When the duty schedule popped up in everyone's electronic inboxes, there'd been a flurry of people asking her if it was true. Lucas' name had appeared between O'Neill's and Ortiz's, times new roman font declaring that he would be on duty for four hours beginning at 1100 hours. No one cared that for the relatively small amount of time Lucas had a thirty minute lunch break built in.

Miguel looked across to Tim who turned to glance at him as well, gesturing to the headset with his fingers and giving him a number.

They were silent for a few seconds and then Miguel broke it, he voice soft as he told Tim, "I'm sorry." And he was – Tim had been spending copious amounts of time with everyone but him. It had taken Miguel a few days to figure out what exactly he'd done wrong and when he realized it, it had been a good crack to the skull.

"You're forgiven. Just... just give me time," Tim said back and he watched Miguel nod before turning back to the communications console. "So you think he'll make it the entire four hours?"

"Maybe. He's a stronger kid than I thought he was," Miguel admitted. "He'll probably want to stay longer, if anything."

A new voice cut in. "And I expect fully that everyone present will ensure that Lucas doesn't stay any longer than he's supposed to, Mr. Ortiz," Nathan told them and he gave them both a stern look when they turned to see him standing beside Hitchcock with her headset on.

"Yes, sir. Understood, sir."

"Now, I'd appreciate if both of you could pay attention to your work." Said with some amusement but still authoritative, Nathan was sure both would give proper due to the information before them. He handed back the set to Katie and glanced down at his watch, noting that there was five more minutes before Lucas was set to be there.

He was unsurprised to see Lucas walk in when he looked back up. Lips quirked up, Lucas said nothing and did nothing extravagant, just held his little computer to him and waved hello to Ben before making his way to the appropriate station, beginning repairs.

A sigh of relief was uttered, the normal chatter of the bridge crew resumed and Nathan looked around. He looked at Shan, telling him, "All ahead full, Chief." Nathan slid back into his chair and laughed a little to himself as he heard Hitchcock reprimand Ortiz and O'Neill again, Ben talking over something with Jonathan and Darwin quietly watching it all from his tank.

Things were certainly getting back to status quo. He could only hope it would stay that way, though Nathan knew, watching Lucas jokingly push Phillips' hand away from his bald head, that things had changed irrevocably.

He wasn't sure if it was for the better, but Nathan knew he wouldn't change a thing.

"_Every end is a new beginning._"

- Anonymous -


End file.
